Song for the chapter: Recover by CHVRCHES
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Each day seems to go slower the closer that it gets to the first concert, which is now in only three days. I'm extremely thrilled to see Ashton, Calum and Michael, but the apprehension of seeing Luke is slowly taking over, bringing my body down into the darkness where my mind cannot escape.
I try not to make it obvious, but Linley and Nathan can tell that something is wrong. Of course Lin knows exactly what it is, but Nathan doesn't and I want to keep it that way. I've involuntarily been distancing myself from him. I don't mean to and hopefully it will end after this weekend is over. My mother was not happy about the news that I was going to see my ex-boyfriend's band in concert two nights in a row, but they were my best friends. If it was only Luke, I would never go to the concert. I wouldn't even think twice. But since three of my best friends are included, I have an obligation. I want to be there to support them anyways.
I attempt to prepare myself for the dreaded moment of them coming out on stage by trying to watch videos on YouTube, but every single time that they are about to come out I have to shut it off. I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing it in person if I can't even look at him on a small computer screen. What's worse is that we are in the front row, of course.
Most of the time, I try to imagine how the experience will go. I picture the boys coming out on stage. I try to tell myself that I will be calm, so that is what I think about, being calm. I imagine myself not being upset when I see Luke walk onto stage, instead I will be thinking of Nathan and how good he is to me. After the concert, we will hang out and hopefully Luke won't come around. Maybe if I'm lucky, he won't even know that I'm coming. But if he does come around, which would be just my luck, I will ignore him. I will hold my ground and get through the weekend and go on living my life.
That's how I force myself to picture it, but I know that's not how it's going to go at all. I just hope for my sake that I can hold back my feelings enough to not let everybody in the world know that inside I'm still the same broken girl I was four months ago. I was doing so good for a while, but I can't even fool myself anymore.
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Linley makes me go shopping with her after we get out of school on Thursday. She claims that she needs a new outfit to look extra hot for Michael, even though she has triple the amount of clothes that I have. She is also forcing me to get a new outfit to look hot in front of Luke. She says that we need to find something that will make him sorry he ever left me. I secretly like the idea, even though I really hope that he doesn't see me at all. Honestly I don't really know what I want and I confuse myself further everytime I try to figure it out.
We spend hours at the mall. Each time that Lin picks out something she likes, she changes her mind and puts it back right before we are about to pay. I haven't found anything either, nothing has even caught my eye.
"Lin we've been shopping forever," I say as we step into another store.
"I know, but I really think we'll find something here. If we don't we can get something to eat right after this, okay?" She says as she flips through the clothes on a rack.
"Fine," I sigh. I walk around the store, trying to find anything that appeals to me. Still no luck. I would probably end up borrowing something from Linley's closet as usual.
"Oh my gosh, Allis!" I hear her yell from behind me. "This is absolutely perfect!" I hear her voice getting closer and turn around to see her running towards me with a few things in her arms. She holds out a white crop top with some small studs and a black skater skirt. "You have to go try this on right now!" She yells again excitedly.
I agree just to make her happy. We walk back to the fitting rooms together and are put in the rooms across from each other. As I slide my clothes off and replace them with the new outfit, my body fills with goosebumps. I don't even look in the mirror before walking out to show Linley. She was wearing a mint crop top with a black and white, flowy skirt. It looked great on her.
"Lin, I think that's what you need to go with," I smile at her as I scan the outfit up and down.
"I know, I'm in love," she says excitedly. "But I definitely don't look as good as you." She leads me over to three big mirrors in the middle of the fitting rooms and I see the outfit on for the first time.
"You don't think it's too much? I feel slutty," I say as I scan myself in the mirror. I felt like I was showing way too much skin.
"That's good! You should feel that way. It's definitely not too much, it's perfect," she says.
"You're sure?" I ask again.
"Allis, you look so unbelievably hot. Every guy is going to have their eyes on you, and man do I feel bad for Luke. He's going to be drooling. You have to get it," she assures me.
I did kind of like it, and it did make me feel kind of...hot. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and I liked the way my body looked in it. I would definitely have to prevent my mom from seeing it though. "Okay, I'll get it." She celebrates and hugs me before we go back into our rooms.
As I lay in my bed that night, my thoughts are flooded with possibilities of what could happen tomorrow. I honestly have no idea what will happen and I have given up trying to avoid the thoughts. At least I know that I will look hot.
I don't sleep much that night.
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A/N
Sorry if this chapter is boring, but I needed a filler. Tomorrow I will be putting out the big updates, so prepare yourselves :) Any predictions on what's going to happen?!
Already 3.43k on this guys wow you are all amazing.
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