Sleepy Bois Inc. Angst Oneshots

Wanderlust

TW: mentions of neglect, abandonment, and death, verbal fighting and tension, anger
AN: I really like the idea that Phil, an immortal, has no sense of time. A couple days to him might be half of someone's lifetime. So what happens when his final adventure takes a little longer than it was supposed to?
~*~
Phil had always wanted to travel. He oftentimes found himself staring out into the starry night sky or the bright horizon and wondering what more was out there. He knew every inch of his village by heart and longed for more. The outside world was promising, exciting, and nothing like his little village.

Years flew by, and soon, Phil had found himself parenting four boys. Techno was the eldest: a fine warrior and a well-rounded student. Wilbur was next. A year younger than Techno, the brunette chose music over fighting, and he was the best musician around.

Tubbo, an eccentric bee-loving boy, was the third of Phil's boys. Phil had adopted him from Schlatt and promised to take good care of him. Tommy was the final son. He was too loud at times, but he had a kind heart and wanted to make everyone laugh.

Philza loved his boys to pieces. He celebrated every second of their lives, and every achievement they gained was never without praise.

But he grew tired of being trapped in one place for so long. That feeling of needing a wide open sky beneath his wings and millions of new things to see never left. In fact, as he stayed with his boys, it grew stronger.

That was exactly why on the ninth of April, he packed up his bags for one last adventure. It would be only a year long, maybe less. He promised to be back before they knew he was gone and left Techno in charge.

That was seven years ago.

Phil returned home with his boys in mind. He opened the door to his home. The home he and his boys had lived in so many years ago. The home that had his kids' heights scratched into the doorways and their handprints on the wall.

He opened the door, expecting to be met by his sons. Instead, he was met with a stranger. A distant part of his mind told him that this was no stranger, but that was impossible. It couldn't be his son, Techno. He had only left a few months ago; Techno couldn't be all grown up.

The piglin looked as surprised as he did. "Phil?" he asked, unsurely. Phil looked at him and knew this was his son. He had been gone for a lot longer than he thought, and Techno had grown- had thrived- in his absence.

Phil nodded, not trusting his voice. How long had it been? What had he missed? And worst of all, why did he leave in the first place?

Techno didn't rush to hug him as he had hoped he would. In fact, he didn't move at all. The color drained from his slightly pink face, and his eyes clouded with tears that didn't fall.

"Come in," Techno invited. Phil stepped through the door, pausing and gasping at how much things had changed. He was speechless. "How- how are you?" Techno tried to fill the silence. Phil held up a finger and took a deep breath.

"How long has it been?" Phil asked, raking a hand through his hair. Techno's face dropped; the facade of celebrating Phil's return vanished. Phil almost regretted opening his mouth and ruining the mood, but he needed to know.

"Seven years, Phil. Seven years to the day. Tommy's birthday, you left on Tommy's birthday." Techno glared at him with anger, betrayal, and sadness written on his face. "He was ten years old. He needed a dad."

"Where is he? Where's Wilbur? And Tubbo?" Phil needed to fix this. He could still fix this. He just needed to talk to them.

"Tubbo doesn't want to see you; you abandoned him after promising Schlatt to love him as a son. He has his own family now." Techno pointed to the invitation to a certain baby zombie piglin's third birthday party sitting on the counter. Phil gasped and picked the picture up, smiling tearfully at how much Tubbo had grown.

"And the other two?" Perhaps, Wilbur had become a musician as he had hoped, and Tommy had found his passion in something. Phil smiled, imagining the infinite possibilities his two sons had at their feet.

"Dead," Techno delivered the news bluntly. Phil's smile melted away.

"What? No, no, no. They can't be dead. They can't." Phil steadied himself against the counter top. The world seemed to crash down around him. He had made the mistake of leaving, of being selfish, and was suffering the consequences. He had lost three of his sons.

"I'm the only one left." Techno's voice quavered, and he sighed shakily. "Why did you leave us, Phil?"

"Techno, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to do that. I didn't mean to be gone for that long-" The words jumbled in his mouth. The right words were just out of reach.

"Why did you leave in the first place?" Techno voiced the question Philza had been avoiding since he had returned home. Another silence fell over the pair. This one was tense and pulsing with anger. Philza tried to find the words to make Techno understand that he had to leave, but as he opened his mouth, he knew he never truly had to leave. It was an excuse; he was just afraid.

"I felt trapped. I was an adventurer before I met you. I never wanted to be tied down, but then you boys came. I loved every minute with you, but I needed one last adventure."

"You're immortal. Our lives will be but a drop of water in the ocean of your memories. You couldn't have stayed? If not for me, then for Tommy? Wilbur? Tubbo? They needed you. I needed you." Phil opened his arms with the intention of hugging Techno. Instead, Techno backed out of his reach. Phil frowned and hugged his arms to himself.

"I know I've fucked up. Half my sons are dead, and Tubbo hates me. You hate me." Techno recognized the pity tactic Phil had used all the time before he left.

He grew angry at his father. All the rage he had pushed down over the years came tumbling out. "If you hadn't left, maybe they'd still be alive," Techno shouted at him. His voice lowered to a whisper as he said, "I was fifteen when you left, little more than a child. I wasn't ready- I tried my best to take care of them. I swear, Philza. I tried. But I couldn't. I failed."

"I'm sorry." Techno looked at him, hopeful that he could make sense of all of this, that he could fix all of this. Instead, Phil ended with, "But I had to."

"Get out of my house, Dad," Techno growled, spitting the name like a poison. Phil looked at him, shocked. In a daze, he picked up his bag and left. Techno watched him walk out the door and trailed his figure against the horizon until he couldn't see him anymore.

Once Phil was out of sight, Techno collapsed into sobs. He had nearly gotten over the deaths of his brothers and Tubbo's leaving. Phil had dredged it all back up just by stepping through the door. He hated Phil for leaving him and his brothers to fend for themselves.

And yet, as he stared out into the horizon, watching the setting sun, he found he couldn't truly hate Phil. Grief and regret wrecked him.

Part of him wanted to run after his father and beg him to come home just so the house wouldn't be so damn empty. The memories of his brothers would no longer paint the walls, and Techno wouldn't be alone anymore.

He buried that part deep inside of himself. He steeled himself with the thought that he had managed this long on his own. He could- No, he would survive without Phil. He had to.
~*~
(1311 words)
~*~
AN: I'm sorry if my content has gotten worse lately. I'm still trying to stick with the week of posting, though, which might have something to do with it, and I'm stressed out all of the time it seems.

I have a thousand excuses, but like Phil's, none of them are just quite right.

. . . awkward silence . . .

Or maybe it hasn't been, and I'm just really hard on myself. All very good possibilities. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways, thanks for 10.5k and about 380 votes! I love you all! Take care of yourselves, and byeeeee!