Spiderman Oneshots

Join the club

"Spidey, can you tell us your name?"

Peter looked up, startled and disappointed. When they'd agreed that he'd only visit the Avengers if they stopped asking about his identity, he thought he was finally going to get some peace. But no.

"I'm really sorry Mr Barnes, sir, I can't."

A few days later Dr Strange was visiting. "Ah, Spider-Man. Mind sharing your name?"

"Yes, I would mind, sorry." He suddenly felt very possessive of his name.

About a week later, Bruce surprised him by asking too. "Spider-Man, I'm really sorry but can I ask what your name is? I swear I won't tell anyone."

"You can ask, but I'm not sharing.  My name is mine and I'm keeping it," Peter retorted.

So he'd been surprised by Dr Banner asking, but what was truly shocking was Pepper. He thought she was better than that - after all, she'd been the one to insist the others stop pestering him in the first place.

"Spidey, you know you can trust me with your name right?"

The weird thing was, none of them asked for his identity or to see his face. It was always quite specifically his name.

One day Spidey arrived at the tower only to see another figure in red sat in the living area. For a moment he thought he'd been replaced, then he realised it was Deadpool. "What is he doing here?!" Peter thought Tony hated the mercenary.

"Tell me your name and I might tell you," Deadpool winked at him, and Peter gagged. Then the mercenary looked at Pepper. "Sorry, Matt couldn't make it this time. He sends his regards."

A racoon wearing clothes walked into the room on two legs and Peter screamed when it spoke. "Oh hey Wade, hi Pepper, hi random other dude. What's your name?"

"Even the racoons are after my name now," Peter murmured hysterically to himself. "Who are you and why are you here?" He asked the green lady who walked into the room behind. He probably should have paid more attention to the space ship on the roof.

"I wish I knew," the green lady muttered, then clarified. "Every month Rocket here insists on coming to Earth, but he refuses to tell anyone why."

A portal opened and Dr Strange stepped through. He nodded at the racoon and Deadpool and Pepper, ignoring Peter. "It's weird not having Loki here," he sighed.

"Loki?!" Spidey's lenses went wide. "Loki was a part of your little club?"

"Yeah, he was but we had to kick him out," Bruce said from the doorway.

"Because he went evil?"

"No."

"Why, then?" 

"We can't tell you unless you pass the test," Bucky said. "Name?"

Peter shook his head.

"Just your initials, then?"

"No!"

"Either tell us, or leave. This is a private meeting." The green lady was already gone.

"Why do you need to know it so badly? Can't you just tell me the criteria and I'll see if I can stay or not?"

"Okay... Do your first and last name start with the same letter?"

"I- Yeah, yeah they do. Why?"

"How do we know he's not lying?" Rocket squinted.

"I trust him," Bruce voted.

"I don't know..." Dr Strange said.

"Oh my-" Peter took off his mask. "My name is Peter Parker. There, I've revealed my identity, are you happy now?"

"Put the mask back on and sit down," Deadpool grinned, beckoning Peter to sit beside him on the sofa. Peter chose a seat next to Bucky. FRIDAY locked the doors and immediately the racoon stole Bucky's metal arm. Peter didn't even know it could come off like that.

"First of all, introductions and an explanation for our new member," Pepper began. "I'm Pepper Potts."

"Rocket Racoon."

"Stephen Strange."

"Bruce Banner."

"Bucky Barnes."

"Wade Wilson."

"Matt Murdock couldn't make it this time - we meet every month. Loki Laufeyson got rejected and sworn to secrecy after he decided he was actually Odinson. A while ago we had a temporary member who was a visitor from a parallel reality, his name is Miles Morales."

"So... it's literally just a club for people with alliterative initials?"

"Yep. We just chill here together once a month but make a really big deal about it to wind up everyone else," Bruce shrugged.

"Yeah. Look, Spidey... there's probably something else we should tell you..."

"Who's the leader? Do you have a leader?" Peter looked around.

Deadpool smirked. "About that... He should be here any second."

A second later, the elevator dinged and FRIDAY's voice sounded. 

"J. Jonah Jameson Junior has arrived."