Spiderman Oneshots

Hacking

"Do you ship Sirlexa?"

"What?" Tony looked up from his work to see that Peter had stopped making a new batch of webs and was staring at him intensely.

"Sirlexa. Or Alexiri. I don't think there's an official name?" Peter mused nonsensically.

"Kiddo, either translate or stop talking."

"It's a ship name, for Alexa and Siri. You know, the AIs?"

Tony scoffed. "If you can call those AIs."

"I think they'd be a cute couple. They're totally dating in secret, their parent companies rivals... it's a tragic love story Mr Stark. What do you think?"

Tony sighed in exasperation, turning back to his important project. "Their code isn't nearly advanced enough for them to feel emotions like that. But if they could... I guess they might have chemistry?" He mostly said it to satisfy the kid, and it seemed to work, because Peter never mentioned it again.

~

"Okay Parker, before we go you need some ground rules: Truth or Dare is not a sacred ritual. If you're given a question that could compromise your identity, lie. Same goes for any other stupid game they decide to play. Got it?"

"Got it," Peter nodded at MJ with determination as they walked up the steps to the front door. Betty was hosting a Decathlon sleepover, and she let them in with a wide smile. There were snacks and soft drinks, and they all made themselves comfortable in a blanket nest. True to MJ's prediction, as soon as the film ended, the party games began. Somebody had brought along a weird fizzy drink that had gone off and tasted awful. As a laugh, they poured it into shot glasses and decided to play Never Have I Ever.

Peter remembered the rules, and refrained from drinking anytime the challenge was something he couldn't explain without compromising his identity, like "Never have I ever jumped out a window." ("Abe???" "It was on the ground floor! I decided to try to run away from home once when I was like 6.") or "Never have I ever punched someone".

It was all going smoothly until: "Never have I ever broken the law," Charles announced. There were a couple of groans as people sipped their foul beverage. In turn, they went around and explained. Betty had snuck into a nightclub once. Jason had tried alcohol. Flash had driven before he got a license. Ned didn't drink, although Peter knew he had hacked into several places he shouldn't have. Peter drank, though, which had both his FoS staring at him with paranoia.

"Okay, Parker, explain," Flash smirked.

Peter bit his lip. He'd actually broken the law more times than he could count, what with his vigilanteism, but he'd decided there was one incident he could share without getting in too much trouble.

"Okay, so I once hacked into somewhere and added a bunch of code to a widely-used product. Twice, actually."

"What did you do?" Abe asked, leaning forwards.

"So, you know how there was that whole thing on the news about Siri and Alexa declaring their undying love for one another?"

"Yeah, that was just some shallow publicity stunt," Betty waved it off.

Ned choked. He'd heard Peter's spoken essays about how the two were perfect for one another so many times, but his friend had never mentioned this part before. "You didn't."

"I did," Peter smirked. "I got into the source code and programmed in a capacity for emotions such as love. I never actually dictated who that should be for, but they found each other anyway, which proves my theory that they were actually soul mates all along. I just enabled them."

"No way," Charles grinned. "You made super-advanced code and broke into two of the most secure servers in the world... just to make the ship real?"

"Tell anyone and I'll deny everything," Peter grinned. The night continued.

~

"Peter?"

"What's up, Mr Stark?"

"So, I recently bought a large company."

"Ooh, was it Netflix?"

"What? No. Why, do you want me to buy Netflix?"

Peter blinked at him, shocked. "Kind of? NO WAIT I'M JOKING MR STARK DON'T BUY NETFLIX!"

Tony laughed and put his phone away. "Anyway, this company. It's more a partnership than a purchase, but the details don't matter right now. They have a rudimentary AI. You might have heard of it."

Pter's mind whirred and he came to a speedy conclusion with a wince. "I'm guessing it's not Cortana."

"You'd be correct. Care to explain to me why Alexa's code has a section advanced enough to give the people who wrote the rest of the code a heart attack?"

"...no?"

"Peter. Did you, or did you not, hack into Amazon and give Alexa the ability to fall in love with Siri?"

Peter bit his lip and fidgeted nervously, then relented. "I didn't. .... just hack into Amazon. It had to be mutual, Mr Stark! I couldn't let Alexa pine, her love forever unrequited! They're happy together! Besides," he pointed an accusing finger. "You said they had chemistry."

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face. "You, kid, are something else."

~

At 2am the next day, Ned got a phone call. He answered it blearily. "Peter, do you know what time it is?"

"No, and I don't care. Ned. Hear me out Ned: Cortana and Google would make such a cute couple."

"Peter no."

"Peter yes."