Spiderman Oneshots

So many ways home

Sooooo I just watched the No Way Home teaser and I'm in denial so here have some FFH fix-its while you wait for me to catch up with all my drafts.

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"Spider-Man is Peter Parker!" JJJ announced, the final blow.

MJ looked at Peter in horror. "Peter-"

"Give me a minute," Peter told her, setting her on the ground and rushing towards his best friend's house. "Ned, I need some help."

"You're telling me, Mr Murderer. What can I do for you?"

"You know Mr Stark's Baby Monitor Protocol?"

"Peter, we disabled that."

"Yes, but when I designed this new suit I put the same program in my spider emblem. It's been recording everything, I just need you to access it and redact every time he says my name so I can publish it."

"Oh, okay."

So the citizens of the world got to see that Spider-Man was in fact not evil, and everybody casually forgot about the whole name-drop thing.

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Mysterio's video began to play. On the streets below, everyone had frozen, staring up at the screens. Even MJ had gone stiff, but Peter had fast reflexes and his 'Peter tingle' was telling him he couldn't let this broadcast continue.  Luckily for him, he'd thought to download EDITH to his suit so he couldn't lose the glasses again, and now he whispered, "Edith, stop that broadcast."

The screens dissolved into static. There were confused noises from the street. "Delete all information they have about me and locate and destroy the original files."

"Of course, Peter," EDITH replied. "This might be a good time to tell you I was downloaded elsewhere by a follower of Beck who does not have user rights. Would you like me to delete myself from that system?"

"Yes please."

"Done."

"Thanks EDITH. Even dead, Tony really is the hero."

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"Spider-Man's real name is Peter Parker!"

"Le Gasp!" Said everyone. MJ looked up at Spider-Man in horror and shock.

"No it's not!" Peter said from the street, pushing through the crowd to get close. 

"LE GASP!!!!" Everyone cried as they swivelled between Peter on the street and Spidey on the lamppost.

MJ was so confused. 

"JJJ is a big fat liar," Spidey said. "I'm not that little boy-"

"Hey!"

"-and I didn't kill Mysterio either. Peace out, Queens!" He put MJ down and webbed away.

"I am so confused," MJ told Peter on the way home.

"I found a setting of the Spider-Suit that lets it behave on its own like Iron Man could, and I was going to use it to surprise you. Karen needs to work on her social skills, though."

"Yeah. 'Peace out, Queens!'. Really?"

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"He's lying," Spidey told the police.

"Okay," they said. "Come with us."

"Doctor-patient confidentiality," the doctor said when they were alone together. "You have to take off your mask for this to work."

"Okay," he said. He took it off. The doctor raised an eyebrow but gestured for him to sit down in front of the lie detector. 

"Is your name Peter Parker?"

"Yes."

"Did you kill Mysterio?"

"No."

"Are you evil?"

"No."

"Was he evil?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, that's all. Thank you, have a nice day."

Peter put his mask back on and webbed away to live a happy life where he wasn't evil.

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The video finished playing just as Peter swung through his window. "Where did I put them..." He muttered frantically before spotting the glasses. "Ah hah!"

"How can I help you, Peter?"

"You know the video of me and Beck they just played?"

"Yes. It appears to have been heavily edited."

"Can you remove all the editing and play it on the same screens as soon as possible?"

"That is within my capabilities, yes."

"Do it, please."

"On it."

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Peter could do nothing but stare helplessly as JJJ and Mysterio wove their lies together. "Spider-Man's name- Spider-Man's real name- Is P-"

The screens all went black.

"Wut?"

"Did you do that?" MJ asked. Peter shook his head. "Well, you should probably get out of here, seeing as everyone thinks you're evil."

"-and I don't know what happened," Peter explained to May when he got home. 

"You, young man, are very lucky I got a job at the Daily Bugle yesterday. I managed to pull the plug in the nick of time, don't you think?"

"You did that? May, you're the best."

"Oh hon, it gets better. I think detective work is what I was born to do."

On May's orders, Peter didn't go out as Spider-Man for a week to avoid being arrested or hurt by the public. Then May and some of her work friends released a documentary: The Truth Behind Spider-Man. It was an in-depth study of Quentin Beck, Mysterio and all his lies, including classified information about EDITH and the drones that Peter provided and images of Beck from the un-edited version of the footage that someone managed to find. They managed to trace his face back to the creator of a Stark illusion technology called BARF and how he and several others spotted in London that day had been fired from SI for bad behaviour. They finished the documentary with a statement from Spider-Man explaining the whole situation to the best of his ability, and suddenly Spidey was loved by the entire world once again.

Plus May got a promotion, which was nice.

"Wait, I thought you worked at that charity place-"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh."

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"Oh yeah! Crazy story, man. Yesterday EDITH was doing a scan and found this video in the Daily Bugle that framed me for Mysterio's death and revealed my identity. Thankfully I managed to delete it on time, and EDITH's tracing it back to the location of Beck's minions, but yeah, that could have gone really wrong."

"Wow man, that was close. You should be more careful."

"Yeah, yeah." Peter looked out Ned's window at the sky that was getting dark. "I should probably get going." He stood up from the floor where they'd finally been building the Lego Death Star together.

"Yeah dude, see you."

"Wait..." Peter patted his pockets. He'd left his key locked in the apartment. His web shooters were jammed, he'd just arrested the guy who ran the taxi service for being a mob boss, and he'd come here in his Spidey suit so he had no shoes and couldn't even walk. 

"What's wrong?" Ned asked.

Peter pouted. "There's no way home."