I don't need a doctor

~Pilot Chapter~

As a child I've always been abused by my parents my whole life. Until one week ago when I fighted back for once and that didn't end well. I think I got one thousand blow back and they refused to let me stay after that. So they sent me away to my mothers old childhood friend, Elizabeth Collin and her family...

I arrived late last night, I met Elizabeth, Carolyn and her cousin David. I haven't seen him before but Carolyn explained it as "a psycho kid who 'talks' to his dead mom, no doctor can fix him" Elizabeth didn't seem to like that explanation. I didn't meet anyone else before I got my room and well I thought it was absolutely gorgeous, the dark green old aesthetic was just truly elegant and so was the whole mansion.

I was now laying in my bed with all of my stuff packed up and I was ready to live here.

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TW, self harm

I woke up the next morning by someone knocking on my door. I rubbed my eyes and saw Carolyn standing in the doorway "Breakfast is ready, come down when you're ready" she said as she smiled and walked out of my room. I slowly sat up in bed with the green covers over my legs. I tiredly rubbed my eyes and a big yawn escaped my mouth. I finally got out of bed after good 10 minutes and got dressed in a short, dark green skirt with white tights underneath and a black long sleeved polo shirt to cover a few scars I had on my wrists. I later on fixed myself in the bathroom including brushing my hair, washing my face and I also put on little mascara to not look so extremely tired, and let me tell you that the bags underneath my eyes haven't change the last couple of years. When I finished I took a last glance in the mirror and made my way down to the kitchen where everyone was sitting, eating breakfast.
"Good Morning Y/N" Elizabeth greeted as she saw me entering the diningroom. "Good morning" I politely answered her.

Only seconds after, a middle aged woman with ginger hair, sunglasses and dressed in doctor clothes walked in...how can someone possibly be so attractive? I would suppose the was the same height I was in but slightly taller with the black heels, making sounds for every step she took.

Then she noticed me "Who's that?" she asked taking down her sunglasses on her nose. "Her parents sent her here to live here with us, a few problems at home" Elizabeth simply answered. "And what could your name be?" she curiously asked, looking something extremely interested which slightly paralysed me. "Uh Y/N...Y/N Cherith" I stuttered as she raised her brows in an awed expression still looking at me. After a moment of analysing me she sat down with a glass of whiskey in her hand. "Y/N this is our Dr, Julia Hoffman. She's helping David and she could help you too if you'd like" Elizabeth nively explained to me and what made her think she could say that out loud to everyone? "I don't need a doctor or some sort of therapy" I said trying not to sound mad and convince them as I made myself a sandwich and sat besides Carolyn, across Dr Hoffman. Elizabeth knew very well how my parents were acting and have abused me my whole life and I guess she wanted me to go talk to someone but she could've done it more private. "Oh honey, everyone needs therapy, I have time this afternoon, 3pm?" Julia simply said looking straight into my eyes which somehow made me nervous. She took a sip of her whiskey as I gave her a fake smile and just kept eating to ignore it all.

We all small talked a little during breakfast before I excused myself from the table. I took my plate to the dish and walked up to my room again. I wasn't that excited to go see Julia even if I thought she was slightly hot, just a little bit. I decided not to go, I never agreed on anything right? I didn't want to talk to anyone about my stupid childhood, ever. I already had my way to handle it and it worked perfectly fine for me.

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Later that day I was bored and my mind brought me back to all the trauma I'd experience, therefore I normally tried to keep myself busy at home but it was quite hard to do so here. This awful feeling in my stomach appeared and I felt trapped but I was fine though, right? I mean there's always people who has it worse, am I faking this? I just know I'm not doing very well or am I? Like it feels like I don't am bad enough to seek help or talk to someone and on top of that nobody fucking cares, everyone had their own life and own issues. I walked over to my bathroom that was connected to my bedroom and tried to find a razor from the drawer but it wasn't anything there yet so instead I walked back into the bedroom. I made my way to my desk across the room and remembered the pencil sharpener I brought with me. It was a red one, a red one with a lose, sharp blade I could switch anyone I wanted. It quite easily went through skin and soon enough I was bleeding but just a little...which soon enough became more but it made me calm somehow. I felt this heavy feeling of guilt every time I did it but it had became an addiction by now and nothing I had control over anymore. Suddenly I heard the door handle turn and my door opens. A big amount of adrenalin filled my body and I would say my heart skipped a beat as jumped and hastily and hid the razor behind my back together with my arm. She was standing in the doorway, with her orange hair and her white doctor robe. I looked at her and swallowed hard of the embarrassment and shame. She definitely saw what I was doing as I had blood all over my wrists and hands by now. Even my legs had red wet dots over my crossed legs. "I think it's time I show you to my office Y/N" she spoke calmly, FUCK. I sat frozen in the bed just starring at her. Tears started to build up in my eyes and it took everything in me to hold it back. I stood up carefully and bit my lower lip which was shivering. She waved at me to walk out of my room and I did so.

I walked past her looking down at my feets. I just wanted to disappear in this moment and never come back. I felt a soft warm hand resting on my lower back as she walked me down to her office. She opened the door for me and slowly stepped in. She followed along closing the door behind us. She walked further into the room, her heels caughting my attention again. "Come sit here" she said pointing at a brown patient bed. I made my way to it and unsure laid myself there slightly anxious. She sat herself on a black comfy chair besides me and poured some whiskey in a small glass. "Do you know what a psychiatrist is?" she finally asked, taking a sip of her whiskey. This was not how I expected this to be. "Sort of I guess?" I answered confused.

"Well it's a medical doctor that specializes in disorders of the mind, I'm a psychiatrist" she said turning her attention to me, I met her unbelievably beautiful brown hazel eyes . "I don't need a psycia...-whatever doctor, I'm totally fine" I sternly spoke glaring at the empty wall in front of me. In the corner of my eye I could see she put her head down looking at me from over the glasses she had. "Mm that's what I saw in your bedroom huh" she sarcastically said while she wrote down things in a notebook, I sighed and rolled my eyes.

Moments after she went up to some sort of a sink and soaked a towel in hot water and got back to me. She was about to grab my wrist but I immediately stopped her. "If you ain't gonna talk, let me help you Y/N" she said with her slightly dark raspy voice, taking my wrists again by ligh force and started to clean off the blood. Why do I feel like this? Butterflies invaded the stomach by her touch.

When she finished I stroke my fingers over it. "I should go" I whispered. Thereafter I stood up but felt unbelievably dizzy so I stood still during the time my sight got clear. "You okay?" she asked me. "yea" I sighed and then I walked towards the door. "If you ever need to talk, you're welcome" she said right before I reached the door. I turned around and gave her a numb expression and then went out. I don't know why I acted so mean and careless, I suppose I didn't felt like I deserved her or the help but mostly I was embarrassed.

I went back to my room reading but by each word my mind simply wandered back to Julia, I don't know what it was but I couldn't keep my mind off it. But the thing is...it wasn't the shame that kept the memories alive but her. By an hour I finished the book and as fast as I laid my head on the pillow and fell asleep.

A/N: So first chapter done! I know it was bad but I didn't know how to start it. But I've already planned a few chapters so...

Anyways I'm quite excited to write this with Julia <3 Let me know what you think!