I don't need a doctor

~Carolyn~

I woke up in the same position as I fell asleep, Julia still holding my hand. I noticed she was in a deep sleep mode so I slid out my hand of hers carefully so I wouldn't wake her up. I was actually well rested as I was still sitting in the bed. I looked at the clock that showed it was only 7.30am. My pajama smelled like Julia or her perfume at least. I looked over to Julia who was still sleeping, taking deep breaths. She looked so adorable while she was sleeping, gay panic...

I left her room behind as I got random flashbacks of last night and I was kind of embarrassed of the situation even though I might have really liked it.

Down at the kitchen it was only Carolyn sitting by the table, listening to music and just vibing with her eyes closed. I walked behind her with small steps to not expose myself as I grabbed her shoulder "Morning gurl!" She jumped and lost her breath for a second. "JESUS OMG Y/N!" I burst out laughing and sitting myself on a chair besides her, taking a bit of her half eating sandwich. "Hey thief!" she said as she noticed. "I'm hungry" I said chewing. She just rolled her eyes and kept vibing to the music. "Hey where were you last night? AND this morning?" she suddenly asked me. "I went to Julia last night, and I might have got a panic attack so she letted me stay there" I said, not mention all the gay moments. "Do you...maybe...just a little bit...like her?" she asked, giving me a hint. "Jesus Carolyn, she's like 30+ years older than me!?" I lied as I did actually like her, a little or actually I would go gay for her even tho I already was bisexual. "Exactly Y/N" she laughed, "Don't you remember your english teacher you always talked about how you had big mommy issues with her...30 years older?" I was about to say something when I immediately regretted it.

"GOD, not now okaaay" I ended up saying. "So you do like her?" She kept trying to convince me to admit it. "NO" I said

"That's not your pajama huh,...no wait omg"

"NO CAROLYN NO, I was only there for help, alright" I said strictly as I made my way out of the kitchen, towards my room to change clothes from Julia's pajamas before anyone had the chance to notice anything.

I took the opportunity to shower as well but I didn't want Julias perfume to get off my body, I wanted to smell her for the rest of my life. Too high expectations Y/N, stop it.

I dragged off the pajama and laid it on my bed folded, getting into the shower. I took a real long shower while daydreaming about moments I wanted to experience with her. The thought that she was more than 30 years older didn't bother me at all but me being a virgin, or am I? I don't know it you count rape as losing your virginity or not but I didn't counted it. I mean you're losing your virginity when you're having sex, right? Sex is when the both of you agree on it and not one forcing the other. Anyways I've fucked other girls but I've never been fucked in my entire life. I've been so scared after the rape so...Stop it Y/N, TOO HIGH THOUGHTS!

I stepped out of the shower and felt dizzy after having been standing under smoking hot water for about 45 minutes straight, I wasn't freezing at least.

I searched for a more sexy outfit as my confidence was on top at the moment. I needed a bad bitch moment for myself before I got out of living reality. I found a v-shaped blouse in the color brown as showed a bit of my boobs, I stuffed it in, in a short black skirt and a belt surrounding my waist. I put on some gold jewelry, I especially liked rings, I had a bounce as I had of necklaces and earrings as well. I finished the look with some high, baggy shoes and a pair of brown matching sunglasses. Looking myself in the mirror, seeing the good version of me. For the first time in years I looked at myself not thinking a bad thought, not even roasting myself. Which...I quickly realised as I found these holes where I found my insecurities. My bad bitch mode was over, fuck it.

I laid myself on the bed, looking up in the ceiling just thinking about nothing at all until someone knocked on my door. Fuck not another human. "Come in" I said tired to the person on the other side. It was David opening my door "Hi David" "Hi uhm...dr Hoffman wants to see you in her office" he said. "Alright thank you" I answered and he walked out, closing the door.

I got up from the bed eventually as I sighed for myself. Finally getting my ass over to Julias office. I just opened the door, looking hella tired asf "You wanted to see me" I said nonchalant.

Yes right..." she said looking at a few papers before she looked up and her face expression changed to a more surprised one, looking me up and down. That was when I realised what I was wearing. I still had my "bad bitch" outfit on me and let me tell you how insecure I felt standing there. "Uh...uhm...come in" she finally said after staring at me. I couldn't tell if she hated it or thought I looked good, I had a hard time making that decision myself as my self confidence was on a real low level. "I forgot to take the pajama with me" I said as I sat myself on the patient bed. "And I'm so sorry for last night, I didn't know what happened and I'm so sorry that I bothered you and I understand if you don't wanna do this anymore...therapy I mean and..." I honestly had no idea what I was chattering about but she cut me off there. "Hey! Stop it, you didn't bother me and we will not give up the therapy. Okay?" "okay..." I answered as I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to know if you were okay" she said as I'm pretty sure she kept looking down at my boobs from time to time and even biting her lip. Okay I can't control myself, I got turned on somehow, how stupid? "Yea I'm fine" I lied once again. "Great" she said just kept staring at me, my boobs, my outfit. Her eyes were everywhere really but at the same time just looking me in my eyes. "Great" I said as well and stood up, walking towards the door. "Y/N...I like your outfit" she said just before I was about to walk out. "Thanks" I said, blushing and closing the door after me.

I met Carolyn on my way out of her office as she noticed I was blushing. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to a place where no one could hear us. "You blush!" she said excitedly. "No I'm not" "Yes you ARE!" she said in a loud excited whisper. "Shhhh" "You've been to Julias office a lot lately huh" she said, smirking and hitting my shoulder. "I go to therapy" I cleared out as I made yazz hands. "Right...therapy" she said, still having a smirk on her face. "Come on admit it, you think she's hot" she whispered.

"Alright...maybe a little" I finally admitted.

"I knew it! Have you kissed"

"WHAT NO, I said I think she's hot not that she think I'm hot. I'm probably just a teenage patient to her anyways"

"You kidding? haven't you noticed how much she want you to come to her office and THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT YOU MAYBE"

"Wait what are you talking about"

"I think she likes you or something, I mean it's not nothing"

"But it's not something either huh"

"You're right but make it something"

"Right so I'm just gonna walk into her office and say "Oh I Julia, how has your day been? I just wanted to say we should be together, you know kiss sex. Carolyn thinks so" I said being sarcastic. She hitted my arm, "Seriously" she said looking into my eyes. "Okay okay...easy, we see okay?" and with that she looked satisfied.