I don't need a doctor

~wreck~

"Julia!...never mind" I first yelled when I saw her walking in the hallway on my floor. I wanted to speak to her when I wondered if it actually was okay between the both of us. I mean I think it was considering our talk the other night but were we fine fine or just fine? I didn't honestly, my thoughts wandered everywhere until she spoke.

"No, what is it?" she wondered as she walked towards me. I felt these butterflies invade my stomach for every step she came closer. This feeling when you kind of can't look her in the eyes, you don't know where to look, the dizziness together with the pressure on my chest and my heartbeat pounding hard against it. For every step she took with her heels making noises the more adrenaline, the more red I turned and then I felt her warm touch. I looked down to my shoes and I hope she didn't notice my gulp. Why did I react like this? She put her hand on my shoulder who then slid down to my hands, holding them both. She tried to make eye contact with me from where I was looking down but all I had in mind was to not let her see my face turning red, me embarrassed, me this weak for her. All though I think she noticed from the first time I even looked down. "Come on" she said. I could spot a smirk on her face as she led me towards my room. I tried to control my breathing into a normal rhythm but this pressure on my chest was still there, the butterflies were still there. I was like a nervous wreck and I didn't even know why.

After we sat on my bed she broke the contacts of our hands and went to close my bedroom door. "You know all our talks don't need to be appointments," she said.

She walked back to the bed and sat besides me again. I felt a little less embarrassment than before but I still wouldn't dare to look her in the eyes. I don't know what it was, it felt so weird to be around her again. Like it was the first time ever we had our talk. The knowledge of knowing we've had appointments, that we have kissed, cuddled and even had sex a few times before was all gone. It felt like I didn't know her but at the same time had this huge secret crush on her but the thing is, I knew her pretty damn well.

"Y/n, why are you avoiding eye contact with me?" she asked curiously. I just shrugged my shoulders and attached my gaze onto the bed sheets of mine.

Her pointy finger lifted my head from my jaw which forced me to look up at her but it felt like I looked everywhere but her. "Y/n look at me" she said calmly trying to catch my gaze. I made my way to her eyes and finally got eye contact with her. "Dear, your heart is beating so fast" she said as her wrist slightly touched my bare chest because of my revealing shirt. I felt my heart beat even faster from her words and my face slowly turned red once again. Why did my body react like this? It's so embarrassing.

"Why are you so nervous? Am I making you this nervous?" she smirked but almost a little shocked from how I was reacting. I swallowed hard and broke eye contact with her. "No" I said quietly. She let go of my jaw and my gaze fell down to my hands that I was nervously playing with. "I think I am, don't be ashamed it's cute"

"It's not" I nearly whispered, trying to convince her. "Then look at me" she commanded. I couldn't. I was too shy and I knew my face would turn bright red if I would. Instead I just kept nervously playing with my hands until she put her hand on them, stopping them from moving. "Then look at me" she repeated. I still couldn't. Why? No idea my body just refused. I was already so embarrassed of just sitting there while I was so weak and vulnerable for her.

All of a sudden out of nowhere she moved her hand to my inner thigh "Am I making you nervous now?" she whispered knowing I was so vulnerable. My breathing was heavy. I couldn't stand myself this way anymore. I grabbed her hand that touched my thigh and tried to bury my face into it. I was half lying down with my face buried into her palm as both of my hands were holding her wrist. I cringed at how nervous I showed myself and how weak from just her presence. Her hand was warm against my face, I wanted to stay like that forever. Hiding myself from her in her hand, how ironic.