DIET MOUNTAIN DEW. dave grohl (1)

028

April 6th, 1990
TACOMA WASHINGTON

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Dave's POV:

The next day didn't get better. It didn't feel like it would ever get better. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that Danielle had gone through all that only to find out she wouldn't have a baby after all. I couldn't imagine how she felt. Dani was fast asleep in the other room and I sat out on the porch with Kurt.

"Listen, man. I'm not trying to intervene. But, Dani hadn't been so good. Even before the miscarriage. She wasn't herself anymore..... and I don't want to blame you for anything, Dave. But, you really messed her up. And coming back into her life like this is only gonna make things worse for when you leave again. I don't think she can handle that again." Kurt softly said to me. I inhaled sharply, thinking about the way I fucked her over. Twice.

"I know. I'm such an asshole, but I don't know what to do. It's like I have two girls who I love very much. And I can't pick..... if I picked Danielle. I'd miss Dana. But if I picked Dana I'd miss Danielle." I said through a cold voice.

"I get it. But, you love Danielle. You love her and have for much longer than you've loved that other girl. She's been there for you through thick and thin, and now you need to be there for her forever." Kurt explained. He was always good at advice. And he was right. What the fuck was I thinking? I don't love Dana half as much as I love Dani. It doesn't even compare. But how could I get Danielle to go back with me. She'd think of me as a liar again.

"She'll think I'm lying. I've done it twice, Kurt. Twice. I've put her through hell and yet she still seems to forgive me. I didn't deserve it."

"Tell her that." Kurt said before walking inside. I furrowed my eyebrows with confusion, but didn't think too much of it. Instead I walked into the room Dani was sleeping in only to see her awake and reading a magazine.

"Hi...." she mumbled with a grin, putting her magazine beside her. I smiled at the beautiful smile she put on and sat on the chair next to the bed.

"Hi, babe. You feeling okay?" I asked her softly. She shrugged as I put my hand on her forehead feeling how warm she felt. She was sick but didn't want to admit it.

"Come on, don't lie to me. You're hot....." I whispered looking at her deep colored eyes. A mischievous grin spread across her face.

"Thanks." She joked with a laugh. I gave her a sarcastic look before laughing with her. I opened the bottle of aspirin beside me and poured three out into my hand.

"Take them. Please." I begged before she took her water bottle and swallowed all three of them. She knew she didn't feel good, but still didn't want to tell me. Seeing her eyes look dark and sleepless made me sad. Very sad.

"Listen. I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now but.... I- I think I'm gonna break it off with Dana. Just so I can have more time for you." I bit the bullet and flat out told her.

"Okay..... I don't care." She lied through her teeth. I nodded not knowing how to carry the conversation, and looked off out the window. Kurt said to just tell her and I guess I should. I should just say it, "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, Dani. But, I love you. I honestly don't care if you love me back. And I know I've fucked up...... twice, but if you just take my words into consideration I'd do anything." I stuttered my words out carefully. She looked down without an answer and waited for something to say. But, she didn't know how to react and I couldn't blame her.

"Dave. It's not that I don't forgive you. I forgive you, I understand. But, when you've done it twice I just can't trust you anymore. It's gonna take a lot of thinking to trust you. And that's on you to figure out." She replied.

"I know! I know, I promise I know. I'll make it up to you in any way. Because I love you and I'll do anything for you. I promise." I whispered holding her cold hands in mine. She smiled faintly before awkwardly leaning in farther. I pressed a quick kiss to her lips before swiftly leaving the room thinking of a way to win back her trust. I didn't know quite what we were at the point, but I had to figure it out.

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April 17th, 1990
CAMBRIDGE MASSACHUSETTS

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It's been roughly a week since Danielle had her miscarriage. She acted like she wasn't shaken up about it, but I knew she was. I knew she 100% hated herself right now. She still wasn't showing any signs of trusting me again which I understand. But, she seemed hopeless. It was a weird situation, because normally she'd be staying with me at my hotel while we went to shows and different towns. But she stayed with Shelli most of the time. I checked in on her 24/7 I didn't care how far away she'd be. Right now she was watching a movie on the hotel TV.

"Do you want something to eat?" I asked opening up the fridge.

"No thanks." She declined again. She hadn't eaten anything more than a Snickers bar for 3 days. I was beginning to worry.

"You have to eat something. I don't want you to get some sort of—" I was cut off, "Dave. I appreciate your concern. But I'm really fine. You have to stop worrying so much about me."

"I'm sorry, I just love you." I said before taking a seat next to her. I hated saying that to her, and putting her under the pressure of saying it back. But I had to constantly remind her.

"I love you too." She says with a generous grin. I turned my attention to the TV seeing some MTV nonsense playing. Dani seemed to be invested in it immensely. I couldn't stop wondering how she thought of me? Was I still with her, or just some guy that she's "talking to" I wondered what I meant to her. I couldn't ask because that would just take all my progress away from me.

"So..... are you coming to New York then?" I asked her. She shrugged looking down at her hands which were fidgeting with the blanket.

"I think so..... but I might go home for a little bit afterwards. My parents are worried about me." She explained seeming a bit off.

"I'm sure they are....." I trailed off lamely, "are you okay? You look a little nervous."

"I'm fine. Just thinking about some stuff." She nonchalantly said looking at the static buzzing on the TV. I felt sick to my stomach seeing her like this. She wasn't the fun, and kind Danielle I used to know. And it's my fault.

"I'm sorry Dani," I said with a strained voice, "I'm sorry that I made you this way. I'm sorry that I wasn't there." I cleared my throat trying not to cry, yeah it's shocking that I would ever cry. But god I wanted to.

"I know you are. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was just..... I was jealous of her. I didn't think you deserved to know, when you did. And I'm sorry that I couldn't— have it." I couldn't believe she was apologizing for something like that.

"Don't ever apologize for that! Don't you ever, it was not your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault." I said placing one hand on the side of her face. I could tell she was at her breaking point. Her eyes began to narrow and tears welled up.

"I'm sorry," she broke down, "I'm so sorry Dave. I tried to k-keep it all locked away. I tried to move on. I can't.... I can't live knowing that I could've had a baby. And you could've had one too. It is my fault, it's all my fault." She collapsed into me, hanging on like I was her only hope. I couldn't help but let a few tears out.

"It's not your fault. It's not. Please don't think that, you can't think that. I love you so much, Dani. And wether this gets passed us or not, I'll always love you." I tried to comfort her in anyway possible. But she wasn't herself, and sadly I didn't think she would ever be herself again.