Wildflower [4]

La Bête

"Casey? Casey, wake up!" My brother shook me awake violently.

"What?" I whined, slowly waking up.

"Dad's gone." He said, and I jumped out of my seat. I look up and see that he was no longer in bed, and Stiles and I both went out of the room to search for him. Going into the elevator, Stiles pressed the basement level, and the doors close.

We waited in silence for the doors to open, and when they did, we walked out. Coming up to a pair of doors, we look inside, and there was our father standing above a body that laid in the morgue- Donovan's body.

Stiles opened the door, and our dad looked up to see the two of us, and we walk in, standing beside Donovan's covered body.

"The story Theo told me about the library. That's how it happened." Dad said, and I glance at my brother. I hadn't been there, but he told me what happened a day or two later. "Except it didn't happen to him."

Stiles sighed. "Yeah."

"Stiles, Casey, I can't protect you two if I don't know the truth. Did you really feel like you couldn't tell me?" He asked us, and it wasn't my story to tell.

"It wasn't my story to tell." I finally spoke up, and he looked at me.

"I only told Casey. I didn't think I could tell anyone else." He told him.

"Did you think that I wouldn't believe that it was self-defense?" Dad asked him.

"What if it wasn't? What if I told you I wanted him dead?" Stiles asked.

"I'd believe you. I also believe that wanting someone dead and murdering them, are two very different things."

"Yeah, but what if the judge didn't think so?"

"Then to hell with the judge. Stiles, it was self-defense, and I would destroy every shred of evidence to protect you if I had to. The both of you. I would burn the whole sheriff's station to the ground." He told us, and he and my brother looked at each other before putting Donovan's body back inside, and I stepped back.

"What about upholding the law?" I asked him, but I had a small feeling that he would say to hell with it.

"What about Kira?" Stiles asked.

"Kira was a mistake. I guess I'm learning how to bend." He said, and I tried not to chuckle.

"So, what, it just goes away?"

Dad shook his head. "Not for you. The problem now is how to bear this burden. This kind of thing is not at all uncommon in law enforcement. A fatal mistake. A partner who dies. Or one who gets paralyzed. Stiles, you carry that with you. Sometimes it doesn't truly feel okay again until there's a kind of counterbalance."

"Like what?"

"Like instead of taking a life, you manage to save one. Something like that can help, but maybe only for a moment. But the real conflict you're having now is between your head and your heart. Your head- Your head knows that the only crime you committed was surviving. But your heart? Your heart still thinks it was murder. So I guess you, uh... You gotta get your heart to catch up with your head."

Stiles shook his head. "I feel like it more than guilt though, you know, I feel like... I feel like I lost something. You know, I feel like I can't get it back." He said, and I felt bad for him. I know he didn't mean to kill Donovan, and I can't say I know what it feels like because I don't. I just wish that I could somehow sympathize with him.

"You won't. Not entirely. But you get a little bit by forgiving yourself. And since that's not always the easiest thing in the world to do, then maybe you start by forgiving someone else. Someone who probably really needs it." Dad said, and I had a feeling that I knew exactly just who he was talking about.