Not my fault,My fate

Chapter Twenty-seven

Theme: Playing with my heart

  😕😥 TANIA'S POV🌚🤧

   Have you ever been stuck? Stuck in a spot where you are been asked a question and its really a difficult one. Not that the question is difficult but how to put the answer is the difficult one.

   My childhood wasn't fun as you all know,i lost my best friend and my state of good health. I lived everyday in fear and sadness,I was scared of sleeping because I thought I might not wake up the next day. I couldn't put the past behind me and lived with the  memories everyday,most of the time it made me sad than happy.

   After the accident, I stayed in the hospital for a while,it was my second home. Until I left for home at last and was placed on pills, after everything I still lived with the trauma of the accident and that led to the suicide thoughts I started having.

   I felt so much dread and emptiness in me,I always had the thought that no one ever had a worse fate than mine. It was like I was suffering for something I wasn't aware of. But now I think I know better,I know I've been so helpless and thoughtless that I didn't stop to wonder if I was the only one in the world that had so much problems. After listening to Adrian,Ryan and Hailey's story,I know now that no one has it easy for them,because we don't look like the problems we face doesn't mean there's nothing going on.

   Here I was with Hailey in my arms, and she was asking a question I never planned on telling her,well one day I will but not anytime soon. But she already told me her story that she kept away. from me for months,so if I tell her mine__that makes us even.

   "I got into a fatal accident when I was little alongside my family, it was a total wrecker and I lost my twin sister in the process. Years later after the accident, I was diagnosed with leukaemia_blood cancer and................" I narrated the story to Hailey as she laid her head on my shoulder.

    After i narrated my story to Hailey,I realized that no one life story was an equal. No story was less sad than the other,we all passed through difficult times and we can't say one's hard time is less than someone else's. Hailey raised up her head off my shoulder and looked me in the eye telling me to be strong and how I'll pass through all these,I told Ryan those same words too just for comfort and I hope he truly gets healed.

   After the words of comfort from Hailey,she hugged me and burst into tears again right on the spot. She was way emotional than I imagined, I wonder how she was able to take in all her aunt's crap without breaking down.

   "It's fine,wipe your tears....... We are all going to be fine,let's go pick your cousins before your aunt does something much worse" I said as I held her hands and stood up to leave.

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   I was already falling apart and any one could tell, I started wearing wigs because of my scanty hair and lots of clothe to make me look big. I wore makeup to school to conceal my pale look and my brother__I was still not talking to him.

   After school, I would always go to the hospital to visit Ryan. If he had visitors,I'd wait till they leave before I go into his ward. We started to share a bond but all I was really doing was cheering him on and telling him not to give up. We played games,cracked jokes and talked about our symptoms, and whenever I was leaving he would ask for a forehead kiss,I don't know why that was important but he made sure I did it before going home.

    On this very day,I was leaving school to go to the hospital to see Ryan. As I stepped outside, I caught sight of Adrian and Bianca cuddling,whomever cuddled the other first wasn't even the problem. Seeing Adrian with another girl was not a pretty scene for me,i wasn't jealous..... I just don't like seeing him with someone else especially not Bianca, I'm not jealous aargh!!

   I tried to walk fast and look away then Adrian saw me and ran to catch up with me,I wonder why he left his ցíɾӀƒɾíҽղժ.

    "Hey hey,why have you been avoiding me.......you walk fast whenever you see me just like right now, Its like four days now and we haven't even sat down to talk" Adrian said looking at me right in the eye.

    "Sat down to talk? Talk about what?" I asked frowning with irritation.

     "Talk about things,talk about us........"

    "Talk about us? Are we even a 'thing'....... Do I even mean anything to you,you know what ........ Just go and meet your girlfriend, you are keeping her waiting" I said and walked out on him.

    "Hey Tania! Tania!!" Adrian called out to me but I just walked and didn't turn my back.

   As I walked to the hospital,I couldn't hold back my tears. I felt used in a kind of way,I don't know what to think anymore,does he even like me or he only made out with me because I looked desperate to him?! I got to the hospital but I felt sad and angry, I'm such a mess! I don't want Ryan seeing me this way, so I left. I took a taxi home and straight up to the shower,I stayed in the bath tub for more than 2 hours,I hoped the water will wash away my memories of that cheating-but-pretty fox called Adrian.

   I dozed off in the bath tub,that was how weak and tired I was. When I got out of the bathroom, I picked up my phone and met 80 missed calls and several texts from Adrian. OMG!

   I peeped out my window and saw him waiting for me at his window,he was on his kneels begging,what for? What does he want? Why is he making me sad and making my heart flutter at the same time.

    I dressed up right in front of him at my window for him to see then I texted 'Goodnight' and went to bed. He should call Bianca and do what ever he wants to with her,I don't care__they can go to hell!

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   It was another day and I was determined to let go of negative energy and sad thoughts. I also had to make up for not seeing Ryan yesterday,so I got him a box of chocolate on my way to the hospital.

   I wore a big smile on my face and got in the hospital,I went to Ryan's ward but met something strange. He wasn't there__where could they have moved him to?! I went out and asked the nurse where he was but what I heard made me understand it was over.

   The box of chocolate fell off my hand as I heard the news. It couldn't be!