Not my fault,My fate

Chapter Forty-seven

Theme:WAS IT ALL MY FAULT

      TANIA'S POV😪💔

   I was scared. I was terrified. I was suffering. I was in pain. But I didn't want to drag him into this,since this is my fate..... I had to suffer alone,suffer this horrible fate alone.

    After the incident where I overhead the doctor's discussion with my mum,things never remained the same, my mental health had become so messed up that I'm starting to accept things as they are. Since long life isn't guaranteed, I guess I should embrace death even before it comes..... But what of my loved ones, will they ever heal?!

    I thought of Adrian,he's never gonna cope when I'm gone,all his dreams with me in it will be filled with pain..... Just like how I felt when we lost Tonia.

    I thought about all of this and made up my mind that I was gonna break up with him today. If the bond is broken now,at least it might hurt less when something tragic happens to me..... Without thinking twice,I said the words "I'm done!!".

   " You are what?!' Adrian said with confusion all over his face.

   "I can't continue doing this..... I want out"

    "What are you saying?! Out of what?! Out of our relationship??"

    "Yes yes!!" I said as he was trying to hold me but I was refraining.

     "Why?! What's going on?! Did I do something? Talk to me pls!!"

       "Just..... Just leave me alone!!" I said as I walked off as fast as my feet could take me.

       "Tan....... Tania!!!!!!! Don't go plssss!!!!" Adrian screamed out my name.

   😪😪😪😪😪😪

  Days passed and I was sulking in my world,I stopped going to classes and I stopped taking music lessons. My parents tried to start a conversation with me on many accounts,but I refused to talk to them or anyone.

    I couldn't believe I broke up with Adrian...... He was my hope and I gave it all up,I hope he knows I did this for him. No matter how bad I wanted to stay away from him,a part of me wanted him close. I couldn't bring myself to accept we were not together again,he called countless times and sent a million messages but I didn't reply any of them.

    I wanted to talk to him...... So badly,but I felt I did the right thing, I wish I could be wrong but living in my world has taught me not to bring anyone into my world of pain.

    Tonight,I was in bed...... soaking my pillow with my tears, when I had a seizure. It caught me off guard and it was so painful,I could hardly breathe. I struggled to get off the bed and get my pills__that's when the attack hit hard,I couldn't move and I fell to the ground.... Blood! I started to cough out thick blood,it started to get worse and I could hardly call for help.

    Then I heard a sound,it was coming from my window. It was Adrian,he came through my window and when he saw me on the floor in blood,he got so scared and carried me out of my room with so much speed. My parents were not back yet from work,so he rushed me downstairs to look for the first aid kit as he called 911.

     "The ambulance will be here any minute..... Just hold on in there pls" he said as he held my hands with fear in his eyes.

    I couldn't respond, I was so weak....... But if there's anything I wanted to say the most at that moment, it was how much I loved him.

    🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒

  I was back home,i spent three days in the hospital under intensive care. I was taken home to continue my treatment under my guardian supervision.

   My illness had started to act up and then I understood fully that cancer doesn't go away,it comes to stay and if you don't treat it at the early stage,it is bound to go down with a deadly turn. If I had taken my treatment seriously at the early stage,I'd be better off by now with a much better fate..... But then was all of this MY FAULT?!

    The doctor prescribed more pills for me and came to check on me almost everyday. The final exams were coming up in less than a month and I didn't even know what to do,my feelings,my life,my dream...... Everything was just numb.

   ********

   Adrian came to check up on me tonight and then I realized I had so much to say to him but I didn't know where to begin from.

    "Since you are fine, I'm glad..... I'd be leaving now" Then he turned to leave.

    "Wait!!"

   "Yes" he said as he turned around.
    
     "I might not make it"

   "What??!"

    "I might not make it this time"

     "What.... What do you mean?!"

    "I'm in the last stage of cancer and after the surgery I had, it turns out I'm already going through the relapse stage. No one survives after the relapse of the disease"

    "But you will..... Lets have faith"

   "I won't..... I can't .  The disease has done more harm to my body and my days are already numbered. I overheard the doctor when he talked about how long I'd live"

    "And how long did he say??!"

  "He didn't say..... He stopped when he noticed I was there."

    "You can't be so sure..... He might not be talking about you"

    "He was talking about me,even if I heard something else..... Look at me,I'm dying__I'm slowly losing myself, who else could he be talking about" I said as tears rolled off my cheek.

    "Its going to be alright, you will be fine. You are not going to die..... Not now,not ever!" Adrian said as he embraced me and kissed my head.

    "I didn't want you to take part of this so I called off our relationship..... I didn't know what else to do"

    "I told you this before..... I'm here to stay,I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much and I don't know if there are more ways I can show it than sticking by you" Adrian said firmly as he looked into my eyes.

    "I love you too..... And I'm sorry" I said as I cried.

   "Wipe your tears,we have a lot ahead of us and we haven't started anything. We have the exam,you have your music, there's Julliard and of course.... There's ME!!!" He said with a smile.

    "I don't know if I can still do any of those,what if I don't live up to that day??!"

    "Don't say that,you are living up to a thousand years..... And you are going to do all of them and live your dream without any regret"

   "Hmm,what's your own dream??!" I asked.

    "Its you!! And having a mini mart of my own,making my own money and getting to see my beautiful family everyday" He said as he kissed me on the lips and then I started smiling.

   "What about your Dad?! Is he in your dream?"

   "Of course no! That'd be ruining my own dream by my own self"

   "You know you have to forgive him"

   "Forgive him?! Did you know what he did or need I remind you??"

   "I know what he did but you can't keep carrying that pain in you,you have to forgive him and let it go"

   "Who said I was carrying any pain??! And why are you so adamant about me forgiving him all of a sudden..... You don't even like him"

   "Well.....I.....i uhm...... I talked to him" I said as I mustered up courage.

    "You did what??!!!!!"