Finding Us!

Enough

I shifted, waking up from my weak slumber. As I stirred and sat up from my place, the empty feeling crept back in. Last night, was again one of those, where I cried myself to sleep.

It's been a routine since a few days now.

Working all day, keeping myself busy, masking a façade in front of everyone and then, getting into bed, just to cry myself to sleep.

Since, when did life become so miserable?

I got up from bed and went straight towards the bathroom. I wasn't ready to face myself into the mirror yet, I stood in front of it, only to pity at myself.

I got under the shower and allowed the warm water, to fall down on me. After a moment, the tears started to fall off my eyes. Why do I feel so broken? What is wrong with me? Why was this happening?

Nothing makes sense.
But, everything hurts.

I finally get out of my room, fresh and bathed yet, I didn't feel awake. It still felt like, I was wailing inside.

Which I was.

I went into the kitchen and sat on highchair and had my coffee. I wasn't feeling hungry so, I decided to skip the breakfast. Soon, Mariah came into the kitchen, to pull me out of it. Even after protesting for a while, she doesn't listen and takes me to the dining table.

I don't even have to look up, to sense his presence.

I go and sit on my chair and play around with the scrambled eggs on my plate. I was in no mood to eat. I was present their just for Mariah.

"Come on baby, I'll drop you off today." He said, overexcitedly and threw a cunning glance at me.

He thinks, I haven't noticed the way he's been keeping Mariah, as away from me as possible. He doesn't let me have conversations with her, comes back home early, just to make sure she's not sleeping in my room and always keeps her engage & away.

Mariah gave him a giddy smile and quickly finished her breakfast. She gave me a smile as well and went up to get her bag.

I didn't look up at him but, he got up from his place and waited till Mariah, went up into her room.

"She doesn't need to fall into your trap." He said, as he buttoned up his coat and smirked at me. He turned on his heels and went out of the main door.

Soon, Mariah came down running and hugged me tightly. I melted at her gesture and hugged her back. She's so sweet and innocent.

"Good bye mommy." She whispered to me and I couldn't help but, feel over joyed. Just because now her dad pays attention to her, she didn't forget me.

"Good bye, baby." I said, kissing her cheek and she turned around to go out of the room, waving at me happily.

I loved her.

She's such a sweetheart and dererves all the love, she's lost in all these years. But, I'll give it to her. Everything she deserves.

I couldn't understand why, he wants to keep her away from me. He wasn't acting this way a few weeks ago. But, now he's somehow protective of her and wants to keep me away from her.

I could clearly feel the hate, in his voice for me. But, I hated myself more.

Cause no matter how much he hates me,
I cannot hate him.

_-_-_-_-_-_

I tossed and turned on my sides, unable to fall asleep.

I was immensely tired, for absolutely no reason. Even after being home today and working only for an hour or three, I was exhausted.