Everything I Didn't Say ✔

Twenty Three

Ashton's POV

I was speechless, and not the good kind. I thought my heart was going to fail me at that very second. She was good, god she was good. All the guilt she made me feel for cheating, and the lying, was a complete waste of time. Sophia made me feel like a despicable human being for what I had "done" even though it never actually happened. That model and I never hooked up. We were just friends. Besides, when I went to Disney Land with Bryana, Sophia and I were on a break. A break that lasted two years. I never cheated on her, but Sophia made me feel like I had. She made me feel sick and dirty, when she was no goddamned better.

I know Sophia probably told her family, and everyone else a different story, but here's what happened from my point of view.

I was seventeen whenever I went on tour with One Direction the first time. I left Sydney, with a complete faith in mine and her relationship. I met this model named Bryana Holly. She was nice, and very sweet so I befriended her. The press twisted it all around, and made it look like a big cheating scandal. Sophia freaked out and accused me of cheating, and I of course denied it. Then, we just stopped talking. Skyping went to phone calls, those went to texts, and then to just a couple texts a week. And I was crushed. She was-and still is-the love of my life.

And there you have it. I never fucking cheated. I get that Sophia was no longer tied to me, but I thought that we made some sort of....revelation yesterday. We kissed, and talked. I felt played. I felt sick to my stomach. She kissed Luke of all people, and my heart ached. It physically ached.

"Ash..." Mikey put a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I broke. Right at that very second my heart shattered into a million pieces.

I shattered into a million pieces.

I broke down, buring my face into my hands, and sobs rocked my body. I just bawled. Tears streaked down my face as Michael and Calum were quick to comfort me. I made these god awful choking sounds as I struggled to breathe. Everything hurts. My mind was whizzing, and I felt like crawling into a hole and dying. Tears streamed down my face, as two of my best mates struggled to make me feel better as I cried like a baby. I didn't know where Luke was, because despite everything he's still my best mate, but I didn't care at this point because I was afraid I would punch his teeth in.

"Hey man, its okay." Cal softly said, patting me on the back. I wiped my eyes with my hands, and glanced up at the both of them through blurry eyes.

"I-It isn't okay." I moaned, quickly ringing my hands through my shaggy hair. "I'm sick of pretending like shit is okay, because no, no it is not." They looked like they didn't know how to deal with this situation. Hell neither did I.

I could Sophia performing out on stage, her head whipping around every so often to look back at me, and frown.

It was like that song by Haley Williams and Paramore. Still Into You. Sophia and I fought all of the time, but I would rather have spent every waking moment arguing with her than nothing. We fight like were married now, and I still can't ask for more. Because after all this time, I'm still into her.