The Year We Had (MCYT AU)

49: Torture

"Yeah. Okay. Sure." Tubbo spoke blankly into the phone. His parents had finally called. It had taken almost a week.

"Okay. Bye." He handed the phone to Sam, who gave him an understanding look and a pat on the shoulder before taking the phone and walking back inside to finish the call.

Tubbo looked out across Sam's little balcony, the fight long gone from his chest. He was almost numb now. He preferred the numbness to the anger and the sadness, though. It was a step up. The sun had set a little while ago, and now the only company he kept was the occasional moth that fluttered to the window, intent on seeking out the light from inside.

It was a cold night, but he didn't feel the chill. Tubbo stared out at the night sky, and wondered if Tommy was seeing the same stars that he was.

He stared up at those stars, and remembered the night that they had all eaten dinner together. Separated, but together. He had been right next to his best friend. Tubbo's eyes filled with angry tears.

"You said you'd be back!" He screamed up at the unforgiving night sky, his voice raw and full of grief. "You promised me, and where did that get us! Now you're just gone! You're nowhere!"

He heard the door open, and then Sam's hand was on his shoulder, but Tubbo didn't care. He began to cry, like he had spent so much of his time doing lately. He felt Sam wrap his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

"Now you're just gone." Tubbo sobbed silently, and gripped tightly onto Sam's arms.

---

"I'm okay." Ranboo reassured his sister for the billionth time.

Niki put her hand on his shoulder. "Ranboo--"

He shrugged her off and took a step back. "What? Why won't you believe me? I'm fine! I'm good! I'm alive, aren't I?"

Niki's eyes welled up with an emotion he couldn't place. "Sometimes that's worse." She whispered, her hand returning to his shoulder. "You don't have to be okay, not now. Not for this."

Ranboo's hands shook. Why was this hitting him now? It had been almost a week, and he had been fine. After the shooting happened he was okay. He had cried a little, sure, but he had gone home and it had been fine. He hadn't felt like this. Why now?

When he went to speak, his words got stuck in his throat. "I--"

Niki wrapped her arms gently around him, and he fell into her embrace. Quietly, he began to sob, and before he knew what was happening he was clinging onto her, rambling about all of his regrets. "I could have done something, I--I could have helped. I was so scared, Niki! Why was I so scared? Tommy's gone and Techno's dying and it's all my fault!"

"It's not your fault." She whispered, running her hands through the back of his two tone hair. "Ranboo, it was an attack and you were in lockdown on the other side of the school. What could you have done?"

"I don't know." Ranboo sobbed brokenly. He could still see the blood on Tubbo's hands. He could still hear the ambulance's sirens blaring as it rushed away from the school with dying teenagers inside. "Something. Anything. I--I--"

There was nothing he could have done. And yet, the guilt was there, clawing at his insides. Dragging the tears from his eyes and making him feel this horrible, endless pain inside of him. Niki squeezed him a little tighter, her hand gently combing through your hair. "It's not your fault."

Ranboo cried harder.

---

Charlie didn't have the words.