no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Chapter 15

At 6am the alarm clock rang the next morning, at first I ignored it and tried to fall back into my comfortable sleep but suddenly it went off by itself. I growled once and moved my hand to my pillow to grab it firmly an press it against my face to fall asleep again, but my hand only felt something flat, hard... somehow muscular. Then I remembered, I was lying on top of Tom. My hand was now on his left breast. I tried to take it away so it wouldn't be weird, but it just wanted to stay there. I looked up slowly and carefully only to see Tom's half-open, tired eyes which are just begging to go back to sleep.
"mornin" I mumble softly, try not to be too loud because loud noises in the morning are the worst
"mornin' princess" he mumbles back in a raspy morning voice while gently stroking my shoulder with his fingers. I lay my head back on his chest, trying to enjoy the comfortable silence before we have to get up to go to work, but to be honest I don't feel like working today. I would much rather lie on his chest all day, draw little circles with my fingers on his belly and watch some netflix in the afternoon, but my thoughts get interrupted by the morning sun in my face.
"I think I better get up or otherwise we will be late for work because of me" I mumble again in a comfortable voice, soft and gentle, almost a whisper.
I sit up slowly, look down at the floor and stand up. Tom doesn't answer, his hand, which was on my shoulder a second ago, is now on his chest and his eyes are closed again like a baby. I looked at him again and thought about giving him a kiss on the cheek, but I didn't because I knew he was awake, just with his eyes closed. I quietly stumbled out of the room and closed the door behind me. Then I went into my cold, empty room where no one had slept that night. I picked out some clothes for today, and took a long, really long shower. The warm water didn't help me wake up, quite the opposite. All I could think about was last night, whether it meant anything to Tom or whether he just felt lonely. My legs began to gave up too, wanted to buckle and fall to the floor, using the hot water as a blanket but I had to hurry so I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in my towel. For today I took a pair of simple jeans and a t-shirt that I tucked into the trousers a bit to give it a more refined look. I put a little make-up on the circles under my eyes that I had gotten over the last few nights and then went to the kitchen to have breakfast. Tom is already standing in the kitchen with his cup of tea in his hand, doesn't notice me at first, but then he turns around and his eyes meet mine. I can't tell what expression he has on his face, somehow he looks confused as if he doesn't know me as I stand there in the hallway, but then he quickly takes a second cup from the cupboard behind him and pours me a cup of tea. Only when I took a few steps closer and he turned to me with the second cup did I notice his wet hair, which he had styled back, and his white t-shirt sticking to his wet body as if he hadn't had time to dry off after the shower. His muscular chest is clearly visible through the shirt and, as if that wasn't enough, it looks so tight that it would burst on his arms as soon as he even slightly tensed. Not that it's not hot, no that's not it, I immediately lick my lips, hoping he hasn't seen it, but his shirt definitely looks uncomfortable.
"Here, peppermint tea. It's not my favourite tea, but it's the only one I could find." he hands me the cup of tea and I accept it with a smile
"Thank you" I know for a fact that we only have the peppermint tea because of Harrison, for whatever reason, he likes it. But Tom and I don't like it. I blow a little as the warm steam sails past me, then we sit down at the table for the 10 minutes we have left. It is quiet, very quiet. At that moment I wished the TV would be on in the background and fill the silence in the room. Tom and I both look at our hands around the warm teacup. I tap my fingers nervously on the cup, trying to think of topics of conversation. I look up at tom, trying to figure out what he is thinking about. But reading thoughts is not so easy, especially not with tom. His eyes are still on the cup, so I can't tell if he looks sad, happy or maybe angry, but even the strand of hair that falls across his forehead looks sad.

~Tom's pov~

Fuck fuck fuck. I don't know what to do anymore, my head feels like it wants to explode. I've been struggling with my feelings for a few weeks now. Ever since I sat on her stomach God knows how many weeks ago, looking down into her innocent little sweet face and tickling her, I've felt a kind of butterflies in my stomach, butterflies that I've never felt with Cassie. And I don't really know when it started. Since I said goodbye to Cassie at the airport, we only spoke once on the phone afterwards because she hadn't written to me. I was angry at her, but it's clear that once again I'm the one running after her. Once I wished that she would be the one, running after me, that she would be the one calling me or that SHE would be the one writing me a message, but after the phone call everything went downhill. I wrote her every day for the next 5 days that I would miss her and I was sorry that I might have been mean to her when I accused her of not loving me as much as I loved her, but she didn't even read my messages anymore as if she had completely disappeared in the world. After feeling the butterflies in my stomach, I went to my room and called Cassie, hoping she would answer. I promised myself one thing at that point. If she would answer and tell me how much she loved me, then I would stay with her, give her a second chance and maybe we would be the happy couple we used to be. But if she refused the call, then I would break up with her, even if it had to do it by text message. I just couldn't be in a relationship with her anymore if I was always running after her like I was begging for her love. I wanted to feel the love she got from me. I remember exactly what happened. After my feelings took control of my behaviour at Y/N, I left her room like an asshole, went to my room, lay back on the bed and chose one last time the contact I loved. With whom I thought we were meant for each other.
I pressed the 'call' button and waited a few seconds until it started beeping.
'beep' I heard the first time.
'beep' and a second later again
'beep' and only after the third beep I got sent to her voice mail, and that was it. I had to break up with her. Of course, you might think I'm an asshole for breaking up with her, because maybe she didn't answered me because something happened to her, but I knew she was fine, she wouldn't care if I break up with her, and she didn't. Till this day she hasn't answered me and I can't say I love her anymore. At least not the way I used to love her. After that I was an asshole to everyone to be honest. It was like I wasn't myself anymore, but that was only because I had to deal with the breakup and suppress my feelings for Y/N so much that it was hurting myself. Sometimes I imagined what it would be like to be with Y/N, and not only to fuck her until she can't think anymore and can't walk for at least a week... okay fine not only because of that, but also because I want to know what it would be like to date her. There was just one problem, or rather two problems. Firstly, she would never date such a broken person like me and secondly, Harrison would never allow it. Harrison would kill me if he even knew that I touched Y/N. He loves his little sister more than anything, that much I know. Even back then he looked out for her when it came to boys, no guy was perfect for her and still isn't today.
I am sure I could treat Y/N well. She deserves to be treated well and the thought that derrek could be the man who treats her like this makes me angry. I want to be the one.
I want to be the one who treats her like a princess!

~Y/N's pov again~

"Tom?" I asked him after we had been sitting in silence for 10 minutes. His head did not even lift once, for 10 minutes he stared at his half-full cup of tea that was slowly starting to get cold. As if he were in another universe... in another world. I snapped my fingers in front of his face, and that was it when I finally managed to get him out of his thoughts.
"Huh?" he asked confused, his gaze on my cheek, then on my nose and then in my eyes as if he is trying to figure out who I am.
"I asked if we want to go. Otherwise we might be late for work and I don't know how my boss would feel about that" I chuckle at my own sentence as he nods his head and takes his cup to the sink. Not a minute later we are sitting in his car on the way to work while some music is playing on the radio.

•I know not much happened but I hope you enjoyed the part anyway•