no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Chapter 17

I walk out of the lobby into the street, thank god the others are still working and are not taking their lunch break in front of the company, I really don't need looks and more people stopping me now. Tom has been waiting for me for 5 minutes, but I don't understand why I shouldn't take a jacket, the cold wind blowing against my arms sends shivers down my spine, and goosebumps form all over my body. At the parking lot I see Tom already standing by his car, his jacket over his shoulder, his gaze fixed on his phone on which he is playing some game that is supposed to look like he is sending important emails. When he notices me, he looks up at me with a smile and makes his way around the car towards the passenger seat. He opens the door for me like a gentleman, making me blush a little as I get in and thank him. He walks around the car, sits down too and starts the engine.
"What did Harrison want?" He asks as he puts his arm behind my seat, looks back and reverses out of the parking lot. I don't want to worsen his mood, so I'd better not start with Michael.
"Nothing important" It's true, it's not particularly important, at least not for the lunch break I'm trying to enjoy, so I'll start the topic when we get back from lunch. "Anyway, where are we going?" I ask him as he finally drives down the street, his arm disappears behind my seat, and his head is also turned back to the street.
"I don't know, I thought maybe go to the central park and have some fries or something, what do you think?"
"yeah, sure. Sounds good" I don't know why I agree so often but I think it's just because Tom and I don't talk very much, he's never asked me to lunch either, especially without Harrison. Since we no longer had a topic of conversation to talk about and to make things less weird between us, Tom turned up the radio 10 seconds later. During the ride I mostly just looked out of the window, listened to the music playing on the radio and sometimes smiled when I saw tom tapping his fingertips against the steering wheel to the beat of the music.
"Just say you feel the way that I feel" Tom sings intently to the song 'sexual' as he parks at the side of the road.
"I'm feeling sexual, so we should be sexual" He sings once again. A little ironic where I actually imagine things with him without him knowing, but luckily he can't read minds. With a small jerk his car stops and the radio goes off.
"And we are there, the lady" I giggle a little while he turns to me with a wry smile. "You okay?" He asks, but not in reference to my giggling, but because his car shook a bit when he parked and he wants to make sure I'm okay.
"Yes, let's go eat lunch" we got out of the car and made our way to the booths, but again the cold wind blew against my arms, sending cold shivers down my spine which is why goosebumps are now all over my body.
"Tom, it's cold as hell. If only I had taken my jacket with me" I cross my arms, trying to let as little wind as possible reach my body so that I don't get even colder. I also didn't say it because I wanted his attention or his jacket, but only because I am really cold and this wouldn't be a problem if I could have just simply taken my jacket with me.
"Oh no problem, you can have mine" He pulls down his sleeve on his way to take off his jacket. A small smirk is already forming on the corner of his lips, as if his plan has worked. He puts his jacket around my shoulder, normally I wouldn't insist but at least it's his fault, and I have the slight feeling it was his goal that I wear his jacket, like good cop bad cop, just that Tom presents himself as a good friend and I.... I pretend to be innocent and play along.
"I have a slight feeling it was your plan that I wear your jacket" I chuckle
"mmhm, maybe it was dollface, you'll never know" He hums in my ear while his arm finds its way around my shoulder, lightly caressing it to warm me and at the same time pressing me against him. As we continued to walk through the park, on our way to find a little booth, I started to feel warm again. I don't know if it's because of Tom's jacket or Tom's arm, which is still on my shoulder. As we walked along, I noticed a homeless man at the edge of the path, wrapped in 3 dirty blankets with holes in them so he wouldn't get cold. My gaze immediately turns sad, which Tom notices. Without me noticing, he takes his wallet out of his pocket and gives the homeless man 50 dollars, quite a lot, but what Tom doesn't do to make people happy. I smile at him warmly, he is a true gentleman, isn't he? I would like to give him a kiss on the cheek right now, but it would be strange, wouldn't it?
"uhh there is a little booth where we could eat fries" Tom says as he points with his finger to the small booth where we could eat fries. Without me being able to answer he has already pushed me by my shoulder towards the booth.
"So pretty lady, what would you like to eat? Of course I'll pay for you" Now we are both standing at the booth, looking at the lunch menu although there was not much to see. It was mostly just fries and if you wanted a sausage as well. Still, I don't feel comfortable with Tom paying, I have my own money and either way he's already paying me at work, even if he has to. I'm sure in another company I wouldn't get that much.
"No Tom, I pay myself. If anything I would have to pay here, not you"
"Please, the man always pays on the date" Not a millisecond later, his eyes are wide open and his arm disappears around my shoulder. I also look at him with wide eyes. A date? Is this a date already? My heart starts to race as I think about it, I don't know if in a positive or negative sense, but it doesn't feel healthy as I start to think about his girlfriend. Surely this is nothing more than a friendship date for him, why should it be? he has a girlfriend and damn it !!! I have to ask what's going on with them, even though his answer already scares me.
"I-I-I m-me-mean" He tries to get words out of his mouth, but he just can't do it. His hands start to sweat, I notice, and goose bumps also appear on the back of his neck, whether from the cold or his nervousness.
"I'll have a fry and wait for you on the bench" That's all I can get out of my mouth before I turn around and look for a park bench, I feel Tom's gaze on me for another second but then it's gone. Maybe it was said a little too coldly, maybe I was just too cold with him but it was too much for me. In situations like that I panic easily, not that I'm a person who panics easily but I don't know. Something makes me panic at the thought of it. The thought that Tom has a girlfriend and could play with me. I found a park bench about 15 meters away from the booth with a view of the path where joggers or mothers with prams would pass by all the time. But I enjoy watching other people live their lives, maybe that calms me down. I started to wiggle my leg on the floor, my hand went over my knee as I tried to calm down and my head was turned towards the path. I see a shadow approaching, of course it's Tom with the fries, who else? I look up and give him a wry smile which I can barely just manage. He gives me my fries without saying a word, apparently the situation is a bit uncomfortable for him too. He sits down next to me, with a distance between us... without any desire or much emotion he starts chewing on his fries, doesn't even give me a smile anymore, he just sits there and looks at the path.
"Thank you" I say softly, not even sure if he has heard, before turning back to the path but not wiggling my leg so much anymore. The hot fries in the thin cardboard on my hand warm my hands a little. It's quiet the whole time we're eating, no one speaks a word. I'm thinking about how I should talk to Tom about his girlfriend, I can't drag it out any longer. As I shove the last of the fries into my mouth and then throw the thin piece of cardboard that the fries were on into the bin that was right next to us, I turn to him, knowing that I have to ask him now.
"Tom ?" I start with a trembling voice, getting his attention by turning his head towards me but not saying a word. He nods for me to continuing.
"What happened with your girlfriend?" He throws his head back, clearly annoyed. He groans loudly and for a brief moment I regret asking, but I can't. I had to do it. I had to ask about his girlfriend!
"Y/N, I already told you that I don't want to talk about it, what's so hard to understand about that !" He closes his eyes in annoyance as he talks, but then opens them again and looks at me, seeing the tears of panic that have built up in my eyes, but his gaze remains stern, somewhat annoyed and at the same time angry, as if I had done something wrong. His eyes study my face as if he is looking for an explanation as to why there are tears in my eyes.
"No Tom, I can't do this. You can't play with me like I'm your substitute... without telling me what's going on with your girlfriend. I know you-!" but Tom interrupts me
"No you don't Y/N-" now I interrupt him again.
"Yes, I do Tom! Now you still act as if you care about me, cuddle with me and make me feel loved even when it's not true. You give me warmth but as soon as your girlfriend is back I'm just invisible to you again. Then I no longer exist in your eyes.!!!!!"

~Tom's pov~

What the fuck, she has no idea what she's talking about and it pisses me off. She doesn't know me, at least not about the subject, she has no idea what's going on in my life. She just acts like she knows me but she doesn't, god damn it!!!!!!
Apparently I gave her a nasty look for too long, so she just shakes her head in disappointment, gets up and throws my jacket at me like we've just broken up.
"Fuck you Tom" Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Why didn't I say anything? Because I didn't say anything, she thinks I'm still with Cassie, even if it's not true. Of course I got up quickly to go after her, even though I don't really want to tell her that I broke up with Cassie. Not because I still have open wounds about Cassie. No, I don't really care about her anymore, but if Y/N finds out that I broke up with Cassie, she will ask questions until she finds out that I like her, more than just as friends...
"Y/N, for fuck's sake, please stop" I try to grab her wrist and turn her towards me so that we can finally talk but she is too harsh.
"No Tom, it's all right I should have known" she says with a sob while wiping a tear from her face with one hand. I once again try to grab her hand, I just managed catch her wrist but she pulls her cold wrist out of my warm but sweaty hand. At this point I gave up, I didn't want to run after a girl anymore and that's what I try to do, so why run after Y/N when she doesn't want me anyway... the only thing I can do now is say something and pray that she stops, turns around and talks to me...
"Damn it, Y/N, I broke up with her, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?!" she stops, yes I made it! at least that's what I thought... somehow I hoped too. She stops hesitates for a moment but then simply continues without saying a word... There she goes, and I'm the idiot who has to follow her so I can drive her back to work. I was really hoping this date...I mean lunch break would go better, I had planned to do something nice with her, imagining her snuggling up to me with my jacket around her shoulders because it's too cold. I turned in a circle, looking to see if anyone was listening or staring, but luckily there was no one around to hear us. Just a pigeon eating trash from the floor, but that's not important. Anyway, I should go back to the company now, I just hope that the car ride won't be that unpleasant, both because of the talking and the silence in which we try to say something but nothing comes out for either of our mouths.

~I'm sorry if this part contains spelling mistakes~