no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Part 38

your pov~

I found myself on my way back to the city. My palms sweaty and shaky on the steering wheel. Makeyah offered to stay a few more days, but I refused, I had to get back home. Firstly because I owe Harrison an explanation, secondly because I had no more clothes at Makeyah's, and thirdly because I didn't want to let Tom have the triumph of winning. I don't want him to think I'm in a bad way, to feel that I'm not well off without him. No. I want to prove to him the opposite, that I can live without him, that I don't need him and that I can move on with ease. But that also means some changes, and after a lot of thinking, I have come to a decision that is only the best for me. And for these reasons, I stood in the kitchen with Harrison while we sipped our tea and I explained to him what happened in the last months. At least I tried to.
"so? talk..." he said without any expression on his face, signaling with his hand for me to go on.
"of course, ehm" I cleared my throat, looking at my tea. "Before I say anything, you should know that I love you more than anything and I am sorry for what I am about to tell you." I started, but he interrupted me right away.
"You slept with Tom and fell in love with him." he blurted out, not even with anger or disappointment anymore, no.... rather as if it were a matter of course. My head shot up at him as the truth came out of his mouth. He was right and I nodded slowly, looking back down at my tea in shame.
"unbelievable" he whispered under his breath with a shake of his head. Now with disappointment and hurt in his eyes.
"how do you know?" I asked in response.
He shook his head slowly again, also looking down at his hot cup of tea which was cooling. His fingerstips tapped nervously against the handle of the cup while his jaw tensed and his teeth clenched.
"I figured it out. I never thought much of it when you sneaked off with Tom, was just happy that you got along. But I never thought it was because Tom was using you." he explained, smirking with a pain in his throat. I did not interrupt him when he spoke of 'using'. I wanted to let him finish first. "At some point, however, I noticed the looks you were giving him. I began to notice that you were in love, but I prayed to God that I was only imagining it" he continued. "And yesterday, it became clear to me, still I didn't want to believe any of it. I wanted to run away from the truth until Jenna made it clear to me again. And only then did it all make sense for me. Every single time you snuck away or stared at each other. It wasn't just friendship or whatever I had imagined all along, you were more than that, and all this time I didn't notice. It was only in the last few weeks that I started to notice little things, Jenna, on the other hand, had apparently known for a long time." Tears welled up in his eyes as he finished explaining. Damn I felt terrible. I lied to him for so long when I should have told the truth. He deserved the truth, but I was too scared. I was so scared that he might get angry, that I only thought about myself these last months. "And believe me Y/N, I am angry with you. So fucking angry but right now, I just want to hug you, because if you really do... love him... then I don't want to know what you're going through." he exclaimed with sympathy. I summoned up all my courage to say the following. What I have thought about for a long time and what is best for me.
"And because of this reasons, I have decided that I'm going to move out." His eyes softened, a sigh escaping his lips, but he nodded again and looked at the kitchen counter.
"It's only for the best, isn't it?" he asked, taking a glance of my eyes. I nodded.
We were interrupted by the front door opening. And that's when I saw Tom walk in, with Cassie right behind him. Both dressed in thick winter clothes since it was cold outside. Tom looked a bit annoyed while Cassie was behind him telling one of her stories. He slipped off his shoes, then took off his scarf and jacket with a sigh as Cassie continued to talk. I quickly turned around again, avoiding to meet his gaze, Harrison on the other hand, was still watching the two of them with a raised eyebrow. Only when Tom was back in his normal clothes did he turn towards the kitchen, noticing Harrison's stare, but not noticing my figure in front of Harrison. And then it was quiet. At least only Cassie was still talking, who didn't notice Harrison nor me. But Tom... he just stared at me with big eyes, standing at his spot and not moving. Not even Harrison was important to him at that exact moment.
"Y/N..." Tom whispered, staring directly at my back. And even though I couldn't see him, I still felt his eyes on me. I could well imagine how he stood at his spot just now, watching me with the tiniest piece of hope sparkling in his iris and his ears pricked up just a little. Like a talisman delicately perched on the edge of breaking in his palms. A puddle of water in his hands that couldn't afford to meet the ground.