no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Chapter 18

I walked to the car, every step I took felt heavy and with every metre I got closer to the car and therefore to Y/N, my heart started to race faster. My shoulders drooped like a sack of potatoes, my gaze fixed on the ground as I saw the outline of my car in front of my feet. I unlocked the car, looking up over the car at Y/N, but she didn't give me a glare, instead she got straight into the car. At least she's not so childish and sits in the back which gives me a better chance to talk to her. As I also sat down in my black leather seat and stiffly gripped the steering wheel, I hesitated for a moment. I have to say something, if I don't say something now the ride will only get more unpleasant with every minute that passes. So I turned to her, ready to say something, the only question was what? I screwed up and I know it, but how can I tell her? How will she even forgive me? She looks down at her hands, a little nervous. She knows I'm staring at her, I want to say something but I can't find the words, but does she also knows I want to hug her and whisper in her ear that everything will be OK? Her head turns to me, rises until her slightly blurry eyes look up into mine. Meanwhile I look at her with begging puppy eyes, thinking so desperately what I could say to make her forgive me.
"I'm sorry Y/N" I say with a small break in my voice, I could have had a tear at that moment too, but I stifled it so hard, I had to clench my teeth and make a fist of my hand to stop it from coming.
"can you... just drive us back, please?" She begged me and so I drove back without another word. The ride was pretty quiet, thankfully not quite as unpleasant as I had imagined. Y/N was mostly looking out the window anyway, sometimes I caught her looking at my hands, but I think she only did that because she saw how white my knuckles were already getting from the tight grip I had on the steering wheel.

~Your pov~

When we arrived at the company and Tom parked, I didn't waste another second in the god damn car... with him. I got out, didn't give him a glance of look, but went straight into the company, hoping he wouldn't follow me so quickly so we wouldn't have to ride in the same lift. When I pressed the button for my floor, the lift doors were closing and I hoped I had made it, someone hopped between the doors, but not a brown-haired boy with light curls like I had expected, but the blond-haired boy with the shy blue eyes. Oliver was his name.
"Uh, just made it" he uttered under his breath. I looked down, gave him a slight smile if he should look at me and see it, but he did not.
"Hey" he started the conversation
"Hey" I answered him quietly, not in the mood to talk or be in contact with people at all. I just wanted to sit in my bed and eat ice cream, but I also didn't want to do that in the same flat as Tom's
"hey, are you okay? you look a little, well, repulsive"
"Repulsive? How nice of you" I said with a slightly annoyed undertone as I waited for the lift doors to open and the conversation to be over.
"No I didn't mean it like that, I just mean you look a bit down, somehow stressed and a bit hurt, if you want you can come over to my place after work, not meant as a date of course but we could have tea together" To be honest, tea sounded really soothing, plus I wouldn't have to drive home with Tom.
"Yes, all right. That sounds good if I'm honest" This time I gave him a genuine smile, and he also gave me a broad yet shy smile back.
"All right, I'll wait for you in front of the company at, like, 7?" he asked
"Sure" and with that the lift doors opened and he got out on his floor. Since mine is a bit higher, I had to go up a few floors, which is no problem. Once I got to my office, I didn't really have the motivation to work anymore, or even to go to Tom and ask if he had any work for me. So for the rest of the day I just took calls and forwarded them directly to Tom without talking to him, unless I could resolve the calls on my own. In spite of this, I didn't have much to do and really only thought about Tom. Not in a positive sense tho, but it made my life easier, now I know that Tom didn't really want anything from me but that I was just a rebound, so look on the bright side, I don't have to worry about him anymore. Hopefully Oliver will still be able to distract me a little later when we have tea, by the way, I still have to tell hazza that i'm going to oliver's house. So as it got closer and closer to 7 o'clock I started to pack up my stuff and get ready to finally leave the office. I left 5 minutes early today so I wouldn't run into Tom on the way down, I know normally I go into Tom's office and wait until he's finished or I wait outside his door so I don't disturb him, but I think he knows I've gone down without him today, at the latest he'll know when he walks into my empty office. So when the lift doors opened, I of course immediately went to Hazza who, as always, was already standing on the side with a few work colleagues. His gaze finds mine directly and so he comes jogging towards me.
"Hey little sister, how was your day? where is Tom?" he asks as he looks over my shoulder, searching for tom
"stressful day, and uhm I think he has to work a bit more, but he wanted to come right away" I had no idea if he wanted to come right away, after all I didn't talk to him, it could also be that he wants to work an hour longer today, who knows but my thoughts are quickly interrupted by harrison's voice again.
"what are you talking about, there he is!" I turn around, hoping that Harrison is only joking, but there he was. He's just coming out of the lift as he makes his way towards us. Almost as if he had waited for me to leave my office and he could come directly afterwards. I turn back to Harrison, trying to ignore Tom's presence. Perfect, and I haven't even told Harrison I wanted to go to Oliver now.
"Hey" Tom's deep voice sounded behind my back, sending shivers down my spine. I slowly turned to him and there he stood, right behind me as he stared into my soul without emotion as if he wanted to tell me something with his venom. A second later his poison red eyes which looked as if he had been crying or had too much drinks, look up at Harrison again.
"Hey-woah you look pretty beat up too. Are you all right, mate?" Harrison worriedly asks his best friend
"yes, can we go?"
"Sure-" Harrison wants to answer but I interrupt him, after all I wanted to go to Oliver.
"Oh, Oliver asked me if I wanted to go to his place for tea after work, I hope that's okay" I tried to smile at Harrison.
"Oliver? You mean the new guy?" Harrison asks
"yeah"
"Oh sure, he seem-" but Harrison gets interrupted again, this time by Tom
"WHAT ?! no way. I won't let that happen, Harrison, say something !" Tom looks desperate for Harrison's help, but why should he help when he's just agreed it's OK anyway?
"Tom, calm down. Oliver is really nice-"
"Yes, they all seem like that and then as soon as Y/N is with him he rips her clothes off and fucks her until she can't walk anymore!" he spits with his bloodshot eyes into Harrison's face. "where I should be the one doing this..." tom whispers, but neither Harrison nor I heard, as we were both too busy looking at each other in confusion at Tom's attitude.
"Tom, it's allright, okay? It's Y/N's decision, after all" my brother tries to calm him down again but tom's gaze slowly moves down to my eyes which look at him a little angry but at the same time sad, as if I don't know what i'm doing or as if I can't make my own decisions. It's just so annoying how Tom always wants to have control over me, even if Harrison would say that he just wants to protect me.
"All right, Fine, have fun !" he says with clenched teeth. He gives me one last disappointed look with his venom before he walks past me to his car. But I couldn't care less that he's mad at me.
"I'll talk with him, and remember he only wants to-"
"protect me, I know" I finish his sentence, give harrison another quick hug and then walk out to where oliver is waiting for me.
"Hey" he greets me as he stands under a small roof because it is raining in torrents.
"Hey" I give him a smile before he looks over, gesturing to his car.
"Shall we?" I nod at him and with that we make our way to his car. It's a small, cosy car, not like Tom's. Not that Tom's big and expensive car isn't cosy, but Oliver's is rather snug, kinda cute if you know what I mean. We had a nice chat on the way, not really about relationships as if we wanted anything from each other. No, we talked about how we grew up, what schools we went to, and how I ended up working at this company, but my life was boring, so there wasn't much to talk about. He lived just outside new york in a small house where you knew he lived alone, but it was still very cosy, like in those christmas movies when the family celebrates in a small house. He made us tea straight away and we sat together on his sofa.
"If I may ask Mrs Osterfield" he used my surname as a sweet gesture which made me giggle. "what is it between you and mr.Holland?" he asked while taking a sip of his tea, to be honest it was very comfortable with him in the warm house and with a hot tea in my hand while the rain from outside pattered against the window and every now and then you could see a flash of lightning with a thunder that followed. But back to the question he asked.
"Oh you mean Tom?"
"yeah, he always looks... well, pretty stressed..."
"You're right, but there's nothing between us. Nothing at all..." I repeated myself, trying to convince myself that there was nothing between us, but deep inside I still knew that I would love to sit here with him and drink a cup of tea, maybe cuddle up and listen to the rain. But these thoughts I should quickly get out of the habit again.
"I'm just saying, I think you'd be good for him..." His words make me think, maybe what he says is true, maybe I would do him good, but would he do me good?
"Thanks Oliver, but I don't think it will come to that. What about you? Is there a special person in your life?" I asked, wondering if he might also have a person in his life who gives him butterflies in his stomach.
"oh no, i'm not a falling in love kind of guy if you know what I mean..."
"Soooo... you are more the 'one night stand' type?" I ask, pulling my eyebrows together in horror.
"God no, it's just... I don't fall in love often, you know? I like being alone not that i'm a creep or anything, but I enjoy the little things in life like going to the park alone just to listen to the birds chirping" He smiles at me, studying my face to see if I think he's weird or if I'm judging him, but my lips curl up into a smile just like my ears begin to prick up.
"That's really cute Oliver !" I talk to him for probably another 2 hours while we gulp down more and more warm tea as if it were alcohol. But as 11 pm approaches, it's time for me to go home before my brother gets worried, but I'm sure he's relaxed, especially with Oliver, the sweetest and shyest guy on earth.
"I should go home, especially before the thunderstorm and the rain get even worse" Oliver jumps up immediately, ready to drive me home, but I don't want him to drive me home in a storm like this, especially not in new york where the traffic makes things only worse. So it's not a problem for me to just call a taxi.
"Let me drive you home" he offers me, well it was more a statement than an offer.
"oh no Oliver, i'm getting a cab. There's no way you can drive me home through new york in this storm, it's fine" I say as I pack up my things and get up. I can't wait to get home, put on some sweatpants and steal one of Harrison's jumpers to snuggle into.
" oh no, come on"
"Oliver..." I giggle a little as he looks at me with puppy eyes insisting on driving me home.
"I just want you to get home safely" he says.
"And I will, but with a taxi"
"fine, if you insist so much...." And that was the end of the topic. I said goodbye while the taxi I had called was already waiting at the side of the road. Then I drove home, and even with the thunderstorm and rain, new york still looked beautiful. All the lights that reflected in the rain drops on the window and the people still running through the streets with umbrellas like idiots despite the lightning brought a smile to my lips. I just love new york... When I arrived home 20 minutes later, paid and went up the stairs to my flat, I fumbled for the keys in my pocket before quietly unlocking the door in case someone was already asleep, then I went inside. The flat was completely dark, not a single light was on, which made me assume that Tom and Hazza were already asleep. So I crept quietly down the dark corridor past Tom's room until I reached mine. I brush my teeth in the bathroom before I pick out my clothes, at least my pants, because I can probably forget about Harrison's sweater now that he's already asleep. Even though it's evening and I want to snuggle into bed to sleep, I still stand in front of the mirror and change there, I take off my uncomfortable jeans and put on my pleasant sweatpants. When I then pull my tshirt over my head, so to speak present myself in the mirror only in bra I notice a person behind me. Well not really, I can see in the mirror a person in the door frame. I jump up scared of the black figure but quickly realize that it is Tom who is watching me as I change.
"Tom what the- don't scare me like that" I turned around to face him, quickly covering my body, but mainly my breasts, with the shirt I had just taken off. Even though I'm still wearing a bra, he doesn't have to see me so exposed.
"go on darling, take your bra off like I'm not even there" he mumbles in a hot deep and rough voice while still leaning so sexy against the door frame, looking me up and down. I go to him and pull him by the elbow into my room to close the door behind him.  After all, I don't want Harrison to wake up because of us.
"What are you doing here, Tom?" I ask almost in a sad voice, still hurt from this afternoon.
"wanted to be nice, ask how your date was?" In the meantime I pulled my T-shirt back over my head, I could swear Tom was looking at my chest but I couldn't see it either because I was struggling to pull the T-shirt over my thick head. But when I managed it, I looked into his dark eyes again, which quickly found their way back into my eyes, and also concentrated only on my eyes.
"It wasn't a date Thomas! and since when do you care?! Don't you have other girls to play with?"
"don't you have other girls to play with?" he mocks me, makes me roll my eyes backwards and go back to my bed. "don't you have other men to go on a date with?!" he says annoyed, trying to attack me with the words, I know it but even if I would have, it would be none of his businesses.
"my god Tom! did you just come in here to annoy me or does anything sensible ever come out of your mouth?" I get up again, come closer to him so in case he says something wrong now I can push him out of my room. He clenches his jaw, desperately looking for a good retort, but I can see from his expression that he doesn't have one. I'm about to laugh at him when suddenly he takes a step closer to me. I swallow, his nose just inches above mine as I look up at him. His breath warm on my lips, his eyes fixed on mine, all I can focus on are the details of his face, his clenched jaw, his pitch black eyes that nevertheless sparkle deep into my eyes and his lips that stand in a straight line. Just like his eyebrows that are furrowed together with rage that I wanted to laugh at him.
"don't you dare laugh !" he whispers furiously with clenched teeth against my mouth, but he only comes closer until his lips brush against mine. God, I would love to kiss his lips right now, even though he has hurt me and will surely do so many times in the future, I can't think of anything else right now but pressing my lips onto his and letting our tongues dance a round. I was about to do it, just kiss him either with tongue or without, and I could swear he was too, the way his eyes twitched back and forth between my lips and my eyes... he could only think of kissing me. Meanwhile neither he nor I noticed the footsteps that made their way down the hall to my room. I only saw Tom's hand slowly move to my cheek before the door opened and we both jumped apart.
"Hey Y/N, can you please- what the fuck?!" Haz came in, rubbing his eyes tiredly while standing in the doorway in his pajamas, but his eyes widened when he saw Tom jumping away from me, he looked at us almost angrily while waiting for an explanation why Tom is in my room and standing so close to me.
"Hey mate, I just told your sister to turn down the porn she is watching, so all is well I have everything sorted out" he smiles proudly at harrison while I want to punch him in the face so bad for the excuse he came up with so quickly, but seriously, couldn't he come up with a better one?
"but well" he fakes a yawn , stretches as he does so "I'm going back to bed, it's pretty late after all." he smiles at both of us again while I mumble an "I hate you" with my lips but don't say it, whereupon he taps harrison on the shoulder as he walks past him, then turns again and mumbles an "I hate you too" back at me from behind harrison's back. Harrison is still standing in the doorway confused about what just happened and I have to admit I'm a bit shocked too, confused at the same time how Tom could have handled the situation so well, as if he'd had to do it many times before. Just shrugging situations off like that.
"All right, little sister... I'll leave you alone again, just don't go to bed too late, we have to get up early tomorrow." I just manage to give him a crooked smile while nodding with my big eyes that surely scare him. He gives me another weird look before he goes back to his room, closing the doors behind him. I sigh as the door finally closes and take a deep breath before I can finally change without further disturbance. So I take off my t-shirt and bra again and put on only a thin crop top to sleep before snuggling under my blanket. I plug my phone into the charger, turn off the light on the bedside table and am about to fall asleep when all of a sudden my room is lit up by the light from my phone screen, which means I have received a message but who would write me now ?! at almost 1am ?!
Tom : kinda exciting, all this sneaking around, isn't it? :) I roll my eyes at his text, yet with a smile on my lips as I answer
Y/N : shut up you dork, but seriously now, can't you think of a better excuse than that i'm watching porn? and send, I grin like a full idiot as the little bubble pops up '...' means he writes
Tom : oh of course, but none of them would have been as funny as this one ;) I chuckle a little, even though I hate this idiot, I still appreciate him
Y/N : Good night Thomas :))
Tom : Good night my QUEEN that's when it came back to me, the bet Tom and I had made that he had to call me queen for a month.... well, since I'm pretty sure the month is almost over, it's not a big deal anymore. I put my phone away and finally fell asleep. Ready for the next day.

~what a long part, I hope it wasn't too boring and if there are any spelling mistakes in here, I'm sorry~