no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Part 52

Screams could be heard from the lower gondolas. Hysterical people who wanted to get off the Ferris wheel.  And there was Tom and me, too busy with what has been happening between us a few seconds before.
'I can't give you the answer you want to hear' I had told him after out little made out session, and his question about whether the kiss had meant anything to me.

There was a dead silence between us, despite all the noises that were going on around us. But then something happened that finally calmed everyone down again.
In the middle of the sea, a huge firework went off. Rockets shot up into the air and exploded in the sky like comets. It lit up the whole pier in a blaze of colour, something I knew wouldn't happen often in my life, so I cherished the moment. Though, on the other hand, I owed it all to Tom, who, unlike me, looked the opposite of happy or joyful about the fireworks.
I just... I don't know. It wasn't my intention to make the situation between us awkward. But I guess I failed on that.
The fireworks continued to go off, but my smile had suddenly disappeared. Thinking that Tom certainly didn't have it any easier than I did. Had he? It wasn't his fault that Cassie suddenly appeared. It wasn't his intention, but the way he handled the situation was. And I think a small part of me hadn't finished with that yet. Maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought. But well, the emphasis is on 'was'.
I grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers in the hope to make the situation better, or at least less uncomfortable. Then I stroked over his soft skin with my thumb a few times, wanting to soothe him. If only I would know what was going on in his mind.

~Tom's pov

It was half past three when we arrived back at the hotel. I took Y/N back to her room, but neither a kiss nor a hug at the end. I didn't even get a full smile, more like one of those embarrassed pity half-smiles she gives to homeless people when she has no money or food for them.

Yes, that's how it felt when she closed the door behind her and I stared at the white wood for another minute. Pity was what she gave me... filthy, disgusting pity.

Even worse, I couldn't sleep after that. I thought about what my next steps would be, but as Cassie can be a bit psychopathic, I didn't want to break up with her via text message when she was still at our home, (well Harrisons and mine once Y/N moves out.) And when I decided that there was no point in wasting any more thought on it, since I wasn't going to break up with her until I got back anyway, I thought about how I could fall asleep the best right now.
But unfortunately, I always had a bit of a hard time falling asleep, and the one person who always managed to get me to sleep was now lying a few floors below me, probably rejecting me even in her dreams.
Oh god, I'm so sad. But I can't fall asleep without her, and when I do, I only dream about her.
So where is the point in me continuing to roll around in bed if I can't sleep without her anyway?

I slipped on my slippers, grabbed my room card, and made my way to Y/N's room. Luckily it was so early in the morning that no one was awake yet and the corridors were therefore empty. After a little ruffling and a few seconds, Y/N's room door opened, and there she was- still in her dress from the dinner. Isn't that uncomfortable to sleep in? even I was wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt by now. The only thing that was different about her was that she no longer had any make-up on and her shoes were off, but otherwise...
"You don't look like you've been sleeping." I noted, pointing at her dress in confusion. She just rolled her eyes, still holding the door with one hand, ready to slam it shut again at any moment.
"What are you doing here?" She asked. But even though she didn't look like she was already asleep, she still looked as tired as I felt on the inside.
"Couldn't sleep." I said. "Why are you still wearing that dress?"
"Because." She answered.
"were you going to sleep in it?" I kept on.
"Who cares?"
"I do, isn't that uncomfortable?" She rolled her eyes again, I was bugging her, or she was just exhausted and it had nothing to do with me. But who am I kidding, I asked her 3 questions within 10 seconds, she was surely to 90% annoyed with me. The other 10% were because of the late timing, or early?
"I wasn't trying to sleep yet anyway." She finally answered honestly, sighed, and looked to the side of her room.
Oh...
"Why?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not tired yet?" She answered, made her statement sound like a question. Like a matter of course.
But she was lying, there were bigger circles under her eyes than I had after a week without sleep. Period.

I took a quick step forward, grabbed her by the waist and pushed us back until I was able to kick the door behind us shut.
Now it was quiet, only my harsh breathing could be heard while her eyes starred up at me, startled. Still, she didn't try to knock my hands off her hips, which had a deep grip on her flesh.
No, she let my hot breath hit her plump lips, and once I thought the situation was relaxed, I spoke up again.
"I will stay here for the night, and you-" her eyes immediately widened, head shook and her hips tried to get out of my grip.
"No, are you crazy?! what about your Cassie-" MY Cassie. That was enough for me to get loud. She was tired and worn out, just like me. All I wanted to do was put her to bed and lie with her.
"OH PISS OFF!" I yelled. "Could you just shut the fuck up about Cassie for once?! I'm not trying to fuck you, so calm down and stop being-" I interrupted myself halfway through the sentence, but as frightened and anxious as Y/N looked, we both knew that I had almost said something bad to her.
"Being what Tom?" She asked, pain in the back of her throat.

I exhaled a sharp breath, and looked out the window over her head, not daring to look her in the eye. Damn I was so ashamed of myself, but my feelings were driving me insane. All I wanted was for her to finally trust me again and come back to me. That was all.

"Being what?" she repeated, and there was another minute of silence in which she waited hurtly for a reply and I desperately searched for a nice answer. But I eventually dropped my head and rested my forehead against hers.
I closed my eyelids and swallowed when she didn't try to move.
"Can we just, lie down? Please?" I begged, voice as calm as before. And I knew she was thinking for a moment, but she nodded anyway and put her hand on my forearm to led me to the bed.
She placed me in the middle of the lower end of the bed, but remained standing herself. When she wanted to leave, I grabbed her waist again and moved her closer until her belly was at my head height and I had to look up.
"I'm sorry." I apologised for the unsaid words, hoping she would forgive me.
"I know." She said, and turned around. I let my hands fall to my sides as she made her way to the bathroom. Damn it Thomas!

I stared at the floor for a good 2 minutes and thought. There was a rustling noise coming from the bathroom and I suspected that Y/N was getting ready for bed. When I looked up at some point, I saw that the bathroom door was still ajar, and through the reflection of the mirror I saw Y/N's back. Correction. Her naked back, because she was just pulling a T-shirt over her head. Her hair ever so elegant, falling over her smooth skin of her shoulder blades.

I licked my lips, chewing on my lower lip while taking in the view for as long as I could. But when she was done pulling her t-shirt over her head and turned, she suddenly froze, had catched my gaze through the mirror.

Her eyes stayed on mine for a second, then two, and after the third the last thing I saw was her shake her head before slamming the door.
God, I don't think coming here was such a good idea after all.
I let myself fall back on the bed and stared at the hotel alarm clock on the bedside table. 6:12am.
Who needs sleep anyway.

When the bathroom door opened after what felt like another 2 minutes, my head popped back up and there she was. A plain black t-shirt loose around her body that went down to her knees, and her legs... they were bare. No sweatpants to hide any skin as I suspected. Even though I knew she had underpants on, you couldn't see them under her huge T-shirt. Might even be one of Harrison's.
My gaze followed her while she was still putting her dress away, and when she was finally done, our eyes met and she sighed.
"You seriously don't have anything better to look at, do you?" I knew she was joking, so I just grinned, climbed onto one side of the bed. "No groping, not even touching, and no watching while I'm sleeping. Understood?" she stuffed 2 pillows between our bodies as if it would help anything and looked up again afterwards, waiting for an answer. When I nodded shyly and a little disappointed, she raised her eyebrows and I muttered a quick 'understood' under my breath.

Then she turned her back to me, trying to sleep, while I stayed awake for another 10 minutes. When I was almost sure she was asleep, I threw out the stupid pillows that were supposed to be the boundary and moved a little closer. I threw my arm over her waist, and carefully pulled her closer until her back was pressed up against my chest. It was tricky, but when the first part was done and she was still fast asleep, I relaxed a bit. At least I suspected she was still asleep because she didn't speak, so I nuzzled my nose into her hair, inhaled her scent deeply while feeling her little breaths against my heart, and accidentally let the words "I'm so in love with you" slip from my mouth. At least I was able to sleep after that, with Y/N in my arms.

~Sorry that nothing came for such a long time, I had difficulties with writing this part in the beginning.~