We are full of stories to be told

Chapter Five - But I Cant (Pt Two)

I've been lying in bed for at least an hour, just listening to Dan.

He must be writing lyrics, because he always talks out loud to himself when he gets really involved in a song.

I didn't want him to know I was awake, because then he'd go back into that little songwriting bubble that he feels safe in when he thinks people are listening to him.

"I need a coffee" I hear him say. There's a rustling of papers and a scrape of chair legs on wooden floor. Then he closes the door quietly behind him.

I open my eyes. Still feel terrible. I wrap myself up in the duvet, we've been in bed all day so the house is freezing because we haven't turned the heat on. Typical.

My hair is all over the place and I probably really need a shower but I don't care. I make my way to the kitchen and stand in the doorway for a second.

Sometimes it shocks me how attractive he is. Look at him, just leaning against the counter, running his hand through his hair, he does that a lot, it one of my personal favourites of his nervous habits.

"Do you want a coffee?" he asks.

"No thanks. What I need is a hug and a good fry up" I rub my eyes and smile up at him, squinting slightly in the light.

"Well I'm no good with cooking, unless you want the house to burn to the ground" he laughs "But I'm always good for a hug" he says, holding his arms out.

Without hesitation I move towards him and wrap him in the duvet. I bury my head in his chest and breathe in deeply.

There's a lingering scent of last night on him. Alcohol and cigarette smoke mixed with the cologne I bought him for his last birthday.

He rests his head on mine and I can't help but think how perfect I find this situation.

The kettle finishes boiling and he tries to pull away but I don't let go.

"Not yet" I say quietly "I still feel a bit delicate"

He laughs, but what I really meant is that I'm just not ready to let him go.

I could hold him like this forever, I think.

I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I just can't.