We are full of stories to be told

Chapter Fourty Eight - @sarahsmiles___

"No no, we need to rewrite that bit, it sounds weird"

"Dan we've redone it like five times already"

"But it sounds shit!" I groan and cover my face with my hands.

I've been trying to make this one song sound perfect for the last four hours and I'm just not getting anywhere.

The rest of the guys put their instruments down and sit on the sofa.

"Dan, there's nothing wrong with the song." says Will.

Kyle pipes up, "Yeah mate, wanna tell us what's really going on?"

"There's nothing wrong with me" There is.

"Why do you always assume there's something wrong, I just want this record to be perfect" I'm lying, they're right, there's something wrong.

"It does sound great though, all we have to do is get his song finished and send the CD over to the label" says Kyle.

"Great isn't good enough, I need it to be perfect"

"Dan you always get like this when there's something wrong with you"

At the point Will and Woody look at each other and they then make their way out of the basement and upstairs, presumably to the kitchen.

Kyle watches them leave and then turns back to me "So are you going to tell me what's up?

I abandon the mic stand and throw myself down onto the sofa beside him.

The few weeks before this have been perfect, Emily and I have been looking at wedding venues and flowers and caterers and all the other stuff that comes along with planning a wedding, although to be fair she's been doing most of the work, I've been a bit useless with it all.

The band is doing great, we've gone from strength to strength with the singles we've been releasing and now the record label wants the album out as soon as next week.

But Kyle's right. I get panicky when there's something wrong. My confidence drops and I'm nervous about everything. I realise how bad I am at hiding this when I look down at my hands and realise my knuckles are white from how hard I'm clenching them.

The last week, well it hasn't been awesome.

"Mate come on, it can't be that bad" Kyle tries to reassure me.

"Sarah's been texting me..." I sigh heavily.

"What's she been saying?"

I don't even want to talk about it, I just find her texts on my phone and toss it to Kyle.

I pull my legs up on to the sofa and cross them, fiddling with my shoelaces as he scrolls through the messages.

"Right..." he says as he reads down them.

"What am I supposed to do about that?"

"You haven't replied to a single one of these, why don't you just show Emily and then change your number?"

"Read the last one" I respond.

He reads it out loud and I wince slightly as he does.

"Thanks for all the Twitter chats Danny boy, really enjoyed bonding with you again xxxxx 😘"

"What's that all about?" he asks, he sounds slightly confused.

I take my phone from him, open my Twitter app, find the direct messages from '@sarahsmiles___' and return the phone to him.

"This is her?" Kyle asks me with a raised eyebrow. I simply nod in response.

"But you couldn't have known that, she doesn't have herself as her profile picture and you haven't said anything that Emily would be uncomfortable with"

The profile picture on the account is the triangle that we use as our logo. She tweets pictures of us at different events, her bio claims she is the 'ultimate Bastille fan'

I genuinely thought I was speaking to someone who loved our band. I talk to a few fans, some of the older ones, they're cool, y'know? We have things in common and some of them are awesome people. I never thought for a second that this was the same Sarah. Why would I? Other than the name there's nothing to indicate that it's her. But I HAVE been talking to her, and after everything that we've been through in the past, I can't bring myself to tell Emily this. What if she doesn't believe me? I can't risk losing her.

I could lose Bastille, I could lose my friends, my home, my money. I couldn't lose her. She's my everything.

I tell all this to Kyle. Maybe I couldn't lose him. He's always on my side, even after the things WE'VE been through.

"Mate you need to tell her, just in case Sarah says anything, you know what she's like"

"You're right..." I nod.

"I'll tell her when she gets home tonight..."