I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

22

STEVE'S POV

I wake up to a knocking on my door. In my sleepiness I get up and walk towards it. I can hear sobbing from outside and then Nat's voice.
"Steve?" I hear her say. I open the door. There she is. Tears rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes all red making the beautiful green-blue color stand out.
I don't say anything, I just pull her in for a hug, and close the door.

"What happened?" I ask and kiss her hair. God it hurts to see her like this.
"The nightmares Steve. They are so bad" she cries into my chest.
"Come here" I say quietly, trying to stop my emotional self from sobbing too.
I carry her to the bed and covers her with the blanket.

In this moment I shit on her rule of no cuddling, and I lie down next to her and wrap my arms around her. She's shaking and crying. I've never seen her like this, not even the last time I was there when she had nightmares.

She takes my hand and puts it on her stomach with her own hand on top, but not in a loving way. More in a way that tells me it's probably the end.
"Let me go" she cries "I'm a lost cause, and I'm only gonna hurt you"
"What? I can't let you go Nat...I lo-" I say and caress her stomach, all the feelings rushing around in my veins.
She flinches, and pushes me away.
"No. Don't touch me like that there, and don't you dare. Don't you dare say that. You promised" she says in a weird furious outburst and gets up.
"What?" I ask confused although I know what she means.
"I can't Steve. I can't. Love no. I can't. You know that. This deal, we even almost got caught..I...it's...it's not good...and I thought about it..and the nightmare, and you...yo- you...you shouldn't sleep with me because you're gonna get hurt. I'm a killer and a monster, and you shouldn't. No. You shouldn't do it. And don't love me I can't be loved. Love Sharon. She's nice. I'll set it up" she says fast, but firm but a tear still slips down her cheek as she leaves the room with no warning.

And there I'm sitting. In a crappy bed that was less crappy with her in it. She left. I love her and she left. Just left. All of a sudden. No warning. It was as late as this night we fondued on a bathroom sink. Not even a fade out? Just bang 'yeah this is over Steve'
Warm tears touch my cheeks. I can't stop them. I don't even think I knew I love her this much.
She did hurt me. But by leaving. Not by staying as she thought would be the cause.

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NATASHA'S POV

I shouldn't have left like that. But when he was next to me, holding me, I didn't want him to let go, and I can't have that. It scares me. Whatever I'm starting to feel for him scares me. Nothing scares me more than feelings. They're frightening. Loving someone never works out. I loved my fake parents even though I shouldn't have. They sent me back to the Red Room after having saved me for three years and it's definitely not the last time love is gonna hurt.
I can count on my fingers how many people I've ever loved. It hasn't even been an option to love more people. The Red Room forced this mindset to me, that it was for children. And they were right on this. Love. It's a joke. It's fake and it's only gonna hurt.

'Good thing it's just a crush Natasha' I think to myself as I wander down the skinny hallways. A crush isn't gonna hurt much. It's probably a good thing I got out of this. But I hurt him. Just as I predicted. Why did I ever think this deal was a good idea?
No matter what would've happened, whatever came out of this, I would end up hurting him a thousand times before he even hurt me once.

It's all I ever do. I hurt people, I lie to them, and I either kill them literally or suffocates them to death from them having to ever have known my nasty ass.

"Nenavizhu tebya Natalia Alianovna Romanova" I say to myself before I dump down on the floor and fall asleep.

This took some turns but we need the drama. Also the last sentence was just her telling herself she hated her in Russian (at least according to google translate)