I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

81

NATASHA'S POV

Everyday for two months now I've been staring out the window at least an hour a day, waiting for Steve, and April has turned into May, and that turned into June with nice, sunny weather, but I don't care. I've been busy crying over a fucking man. Okay, in my defense I have been sad about failing my friends and sister, but that doesn't change the fact that I've cried over Steve.

I've given up on trying to be tough, because I'm not right now. I'm...I just, I'm not who I used to be, and I don't even think it's a bad thing, because I want to do good, help others, and I haven't in the past, and I will strive to do so in the future.

I haven't given up on finding a solution, and that's been keeping me busy, keeping my thoughts away from Steve, at least for a little while.
But I just need to help people, because I haven't exactly been a good person, and I need to show myself, that I'm more than a cold-blooded murderer.

I haven't gotten much from any of my attempts and ideas, but I'm still trying, and I've gotten a little back in touch with Rhodey, Rocket and Carol, who are still open to try and find a way.

"Please come back Steve" I mumble as I grab my leftover pizza from the microwave after another day of getting nowhere.
I grab the letter and sit down with a sigh, reading it for the billionth time.

I miss him. Everyday.
Since 2018 things have just gotten worse and worse, and then they finally looked up again, and now I'm not even sure he'll come back.
He isn't one to break promises, but I've learned to never count on people.

I start sobbing. Not because of Steve. Because of everything. Life is complete shit right now, and there's only two things - maybe three - that could help.
Steve, getting everyone back or vodka, and since I can't have the first two, I have to stick to the vodka.

"Time to see what you have, Stark" I say to myself as I head for the pantry filled to the brim with alcohol.
I would drink my own vodka, but I don't have any, so it'll be Tony's this time.

"Let's see...let's see"
I search the pantry filled with kinds of alcohol that I know Tony's been drinking from the bottle, so that ain't happening.
"Aha!" I exclaim as I finally find the vodka.
It's some American piss that has like seven percent less alcohol than the good European ones, but it'll make do.

I take a sip. It hardly burns.
This vodka is one of the most disgusting kinds I've ever had, but I'm getting drunk tonight no matter the cost, because I can't stand this shit anymore.

"Argh!! Crap!" I scream loudly as a bunch of bottles break when I go to get my another number three vodka bottle but the first one was almost empty so it is okay.

The room is spinning.
"I'm dizzy, I tell you...no me...I don't know"
Why am I sad?
What is making the room spin?
No I know that.
It's funny that something you can put in your mouth is funny like this.
What time is it?
1.11.
That's funny. Why the 111? I laugh at 111, that is really funny it's like 222 except it's 111. Ha!
I don't miss Steve right now. Could use his dick.
Aw man! I could eat some mustard!
Mustard is in the cupboard and spoon in the drawer.
Fuck! It's delicious mustard!

Wait? Why are my feet wet? Oh! Yes I spilled rum!
"Lick it up"
I think my knees are bleeding because I forgot to sit down in a good way. But I need to lick up rum because it's is not nice of rum to be on the floor.

I need vodka too, because I don't like rum, and then I jus-...

Now I'm tired. Now I will sleep.

———————————————

STEVE'S POV

I pack my duffel bag again, getting ready to leave for the compound.
I've been on my way home for a little less than a week, but this is the last stretch.

It's better to leave at night and now is a good time.

I go out in the chilly night after cleaning blood off my face, and get the motorcycle running.

As I leave the safe house, and head back towards the compound I keep going over what I'm going to say to Nat when I come back.

I hurry inside after parking the bike, and I look at the weird fancy clock in the entryway.
It's almost six in the morning, and I'm exhausted from driving all night, and I can't wait - if she's okay with it - to curl up in bed with Natasha.

I drop my bag on the floor, and hurry down the hall to Nat's room.
"Nat?" I whisper and I slowly open the door.
I peak inside. She's not in her bed.

"Nat?" I call out as I walk towards the common room.
"Natasha!" I keep yelling, but then when I look into the common room I see her.

She's sleeping on the floor right next to the literal alcohol pantry, that's wide open, not in a puddle of anything, but close to a puddle of something that smells like rum.
She's hugging a jar of mustard close to her body in one hand, and holding half a bottle of vodka in the other.

I tilt my head and look at her.
I've returned to the compound many times these past three years where she's been drunk, but I've never found her sleeping on the floor.
Maybe I should actually be worried.

I slowly approach her.
"Natasha?" I ask, giving her a slight nudge with my foot, and she sits up fast and confused.
"What?" She asks disoriented and looks around until she spots me.
"Fuck, Steve! You're back!" She exclaims and gets up, swaying.
"I'm back. Natasha, have you been drinking?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Obviously I have" she growls angrily and gestures at the cabinet.
"Why are you so angry?" I ask, looking inbound at her.

She doesn't answer. She just takes a step closer and punches me hard and unexpected in the chest so I stumble backwards.
"What was that for?" I ask confused.
"You leaving!" She says loudly and crosses her arms.
"Well, I left you the let-.." I begin.
"Oh spare me, Rogers. I appreciated the letter, I did. I loved it, but you still just left without saying anything" she says annoyed.
"I didn't leave you, I was just away" I reason.
"I know, but you could've called, letting me know where you were and when you'd be back" she says with furrowed eyebrows.
"I'm sorry" I say and caress her cheek.
"It's okay, I'm just so worried about you all the time. I only have you left" she says and looks down into her puddle.
I take her hand in both of mine.
"I'm here for you. Always" I say, meaning it.
"And I'm here for you" she smiles.

"I should probably clean this up. I got a bit tired when I tried last night" she smiles embarrassed after a while.
"How drunk were you?" I ask, trying to sound like I care, but not like I judge her.
"Very" she nods, and I think I might have revealed a little judgmental look, because she looks at me annoyed.
"Don't look at me like that. I was sad" she reasons.
"It's okay to be sad. I just want you to take proper care of yourself" I say and hand her some paper towels.
She thanks me for the paper with a nod and start cleaning up the puddle.
"You're one to talk. Have you seen your face?" She asks and throws out the paper when the puddle's gone.
"That's nothing" I say and I hold out my hand for her to take it.

I pull her closer, and our fingers intertwine.
She's so tiny that I have to look down on her, and she looks so beautiful.
"About the letter...what I wrote. You know I meant it, right?" I ask nervously.
She nods. "I do"
I smile relieved, but then a thought hits me.
"Do you...I mean...are you...I...erh...do you still love me?" I stammer.
"I still love you. Very much" she smiles, and put her hands on my cheeks.

I don't say anything, I just pull her body close up against mine, and kiss her desperately.
"I've missed you" she says muffled, pushing her tongue deeper into my mouth.
"I've missed you too, Love" I answer, and I let her lips go, and hug her tightly, her returning the hug in the same way as me.

"I love you, Steve Rogers" she says, and I can feel her smile in my chest.
"I love you, Natasha Romanoff" I say and kiss her hair - now red and blond mixed, and I take in the flawless moment that is this.

I know this update took a long time, but I couldn't figure out what to write and I deleted it two times.
I know the drunk part is really weird, but I wrote from own experience, and I didn't know how exactly to put that into writing because my brain's weird when I'm drunk.
Hope you enjoyed!