I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

77

STEVE'S POV

I wake up to pattering rain on the window. Fall is setting in, and it feels like yesterday we lost to Thanos, but at the same time it feels like ages ago.

I can't believe it's been five months already.
And I haven't seen Nat for four.
I don't even know what happened, but something happened.

And then I left the States. I was all around the world destroying HYDRA bases, just to occupy myself.
Those two and a half months out of the country probably contributed to the fact that we haven't seen each other.

I don't know if we've broken up. I haven't seen her at all, so if we are, then we haven't even talked about it.

I get out of bed, heavy hearted, and seeing Nat everywhere.

When I grab the stale bread from the counter I think about all the times I was making breakfast, and Nat came from behind me, wearing my t-shirt and tiptoeing to kiss my neck softly, whispering in my ear. Something that somehow always led to sex.
Those were the best mornings.

I smile to myself when I butter the toast, but my smile disappears when I remember that it isn't like that anymore.

I dump down on one of the chairs and my eyes get stuck on the wall decoration that Nat told me we absolutely needed when we moved in.

If I just knew why we haven't seen each other for so long, why we haven't even talked, then maybe things would be a little easier.
But I don't, and I now feel like that helpless teenager-boy in that movie Nat and I saw, that I didn't get, but where he just misses the girl even though he was the one who said they couldn't be together.
It was a very strange movie.

I clean up the toast and jam after finishing up, and I make my way to the bedroom.
Everything but the bed is just like when Nat and I left, and I don't want to change it at all.
I look into the closet filled with her clothes.
I wish she was here.

After spending a good ten minutes making myself get up from the bed again, I make my way to my own dresser, and I put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before I leave the apartment for a long run in the rain, to hopefully have the water clean out my longing for Nat.

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NATASHA'S POV

I groan loudly, forcing myself out of the bathtub.

I look into the water that's red from mixing with my blood.

"You're so goddamn stupid, Natalia" I mutter to myself in Russian, and I pick up the little, bloodstained blade.

I wrap my wounds in bandages before I empty the bloody water out of the bathtub and clean the tub, and I make my way to my room to put on the hoodie that I've been wearing for three weeks and a pair of half-dirty sweatpants.

I leave the bathroom, and I stop on my way to the kitchen, just to look out on the empty, wet area around the compound before continuing down the empty hallway, continuing those awful thoughts that's been ruling my mind since the snap.

My son snapped. My niece and nephews snapped. My best friend's wife snapped. Most of my friends snapped. And my sister...I found out about Yelena about two months ago, and nothing has helped overcome those shitty nightmares where I just imagine all of them telling me it's my fault.
Which it is.