We're Trying

Senior pictures

Hanna
At the end of junior year we were given the option to schedule our senior pictures like the second after the seniors graduated. But I said screw that shit I'm going to enjoy my summer, which was dumb because now I'm standing in this photo studio at 8 am on a Monday I should be chilling at home. It doesn't even make sense why we have to take senior pictures instead of having the regular October picture day photos. Because in those I can just wear a t shirt and not the black granny dress my mom has me wearing as I force a smile in the bright light. I'm standing in front of a piece that says 2021 and following the photographers directions who is basically saying dance half diet monkey dance.

"Perfect," The guy says as I stand on the footing pieces. All I want is to sit my ass down and take out this tight ass bun.

"Look at you miss model," mom says. She's subtley taking photos on her phone which isn't allowed but she doesn't care. She's going to be the one paying for the package so who cares if she takes behind the scenes pictures and sends them to our aunt in Conneticut.

I let the guy take way more shots than he needs to and finally mom and I walk back to the waiting room. Just like me she knows were not about to wait to see these photos and they can email her or just send her the photos to her yahoo. I'm taking my bun out when the door to the studio opens and the smell of a guy's cologne enters. But as I look at him and see his big fro I realize it's not any guy, it's Jamari. Jamari Reynolds. Jamari haven't seen in a year Reynolds.

Ella

My mom stands over her computer screen with Jess and I behind her. She's got her reading glasses on and she's hunching over in the way she always tells Jess not to. With a few clicks of her lavender acrylics she opens her email and a picture of me pops up staring into the camera holding a block that says 2021. Mom smiles but I look terrible. Average. The same as I did all these years. Senior year me, going to school me was supposed to look different.

"Aww you look beautiful," mom coos.

"No I don't, I look terrible." I don't say it in that funny self depricating way that all girls have when they talk about themselves, I say it seriously, matter of fact as the picture stares back at me.

Mom looks back at me as Jess stares off over at mom's closet. "Ella what are you going to do when you're at school and the asb people take photos of you for the yearbook?"

Isn't it obvious. "Tell them to not take it and its an invasion of my privacy."

Jess makes one of those signing noises. "You can't say that."

:"Why not? You let people take pictures of you?"

Jess takes some of her curls out of her eyes. "Yea I don't care."

"You should."
Jess smirks. "If I did you wouldn't have so many pictures of me in your camera roll."

Mom looks me in the eyes and I already know she's about to give me one of those talks. 'Don't worry everything is alright Ella calm down.' Or she'll talk to Jess like im not here. 'Jess you know where this is going, let it go.' This time she just looks back at the computer and scrolls down in the email where Jess's photos appear. Hers look great, effortless, like she didn't check her teeth like I did 3 minutes before I stood in front of the camera. We took our photos together and I actually remember Jess sitting in the waiting room chair bumping tyler the creator as she watched some old skating videos. She was mumbling the lyrics of JUGGARNUAT while I was thinking about how I could take the photos myself and if the photographer didn't let me I would call him out on his anti blackness. But of course I decided to just shut up and pretend im fine.