We're Trying

First Last day

Rose

Liliana doesn't smile or really look excited as dad and I take pictures of her outside of her preschool in her uniform. I'm honestly scared but excited for her because this is the start of all her years of school, she's not just going in there to play with toys she's going to learn. She's in a program for speech delay, but I don't know I just spent the whole summer with her and I feel weird sending her off to someone who only got the job because of a degree. Still I keep a smile on my face as dad and I walk Lili into the school. We hold both of her hands and walk her to the carpet where the other kids sit. A kid next to her says hi and Lili looks at Dad and I. Please don't say mommy. She's been saying it nonstop since the festival and when it's directed to me I feel like I'm stepping on her actual mothers grave. Luckily this time Lili just sucks her thumb and waves bye.

I got so caught up in Liliana's first day it doesn't even hit me until we drive by the school that this is my last first day of highschool. It also hits me that I'm in the same place as the seniors I was lowkey scared of when I was a freshmen. The school doesn't even look that big as kids hang out in front and the cheerleaders shake their pom poms and hand out granola bars.

"This is it," my dad says and whips out his phone.

Quickly I get out of the car and let him take a photo of me as I clutch my messenger bag and look out for anyone I know walking in the gates. When dad gets about three pics he gives me a thumbs up and drives off as his jeep makes that annoying noise it always does.

I'm walking past the cheerleaders when someone brushes next to me and stays there. I look beside me and see Jamari with his infamous smirk. He has no backpack or bag just a mechanical pencil but that's expected from him. Hanna told me on facetime he looked completely different but all I notice is his fro has more volume.

"Dad still takes your pictures?" he asks as we walk down the halls.

"Shut up."

"I was just trying to be nice, new year new me." I slit my eyes and he still remains beside me as people send him looks. "You look good Rose."

"Thank you so do you." I thought that would send him away but he turns down first hall with me.

Since he's not leaving I look up at him and try to break through his cool guy deamonar. "So how are you?"

"Who wants to know?"

Why does he have to make conversation so complicated. "The person asking the question."

I stop at my locker as Jamari leans against it. Now his smirk seems to dissolve as he watches me play with my combination. "I'm good Rose like for real for real."

I look at him as I turn my locker open. "Good."

Ella

Jess and I stand by her lockers which are right by the girls bathroom. I can't help myself and look in the mirror but Jess looks at me says, "You look fine," as she puts her skateboard in her locker. Just like mom probably told her to she's been right by my side since we got out of the car and mom looked all sad as she looked at us.

"I'm going to the front," Jess says and begins walking in that direction.

"Why?" I ask.

"Just cause." Whats the point of going to the front of the school when we just came from there? We didn't really come early just to stand outside of the school like all the people I judged when mom pulled up into the drop off section. Still I just follow Jess to the front of the school and watch her dap up all the guys who are just chilling by the grass area. Some of them I notice are some of the same guys I saw at the festival.

Jess is in her own little world with all her friends so I just stand away looking through pinterest on my phone. I don't stop scrolling until I get the notification that I only have 3 minutes left until downtime. I turn off my phone and watch the cars driving by and the kids who are now my peers getting out and looking 10 times better than me. The gossip girl school uniform probably wasn't the best look for today, but I just watched the reboot and felt it was better than jeans.

I continue watching the cars until I see the guy who was serving chicken at the festival stop in front of a girl in his jeep. I study his face again as he hands the girl what looks like a bag of food. Now I know where I know him from. I calculate his face again and the last time I saw it, I don't even notice he drove away as I'm in my head and the girl with the food looks back at me.

Jess quickly comes to my side and whispers, "Stop staring." Before I can respond that I wasn't staring at the girl and just thinking the bell blares way too loudly and stings my ears. Now its the start of a new chapter.

I don't know what my mom was worrying about besides the loud and packed hallways the day is a breeze. I remain quiet as we go over the syllabuses and only one person thought I was Jessica which is odd because I wear a full face of makeup and Jessica just wears chap stick. At lunch I can't find Jessica and I just walk around eating my food and making sure I have nothing in my teeth when I walk by the bathrooms. I don't have classes with Jess and I haven't really made friends so as I sit in my economics class I feel like I failed my first day. I also feel like a narc because I'm the first kid in the class sitting right in the middle. To make it worse I also start doodling in my bullet journal but it's the first day and I have to put all the new dates in my August Calender.

The class fills up and I don't bother looking at anyone until a boy with a fro sits right next to me. I look around trying to see if there's another seat, but no this is last one. Just like when I saw the chicken guy I know this boy and in the worse way. He knows it to, because as the teacher gives us her whole life story he leans over and whispers, "I know you."

"No you don't," I lie.

He smirks and nods. "Nah I know you."

All my nerves build up and the memories come flashing back to the point I'm not even present in this class anymore. "No you don't," I almost shout and the teacher looks right at me along with the rest of the class.

In that annoying I'm a teacher whose smarter than you voice Ms. Reyes says, "Actually I'm pretty sure I do have a degree from CSUN, would you like to see it?"

"No," I mumble and stare down at my desk.

Ms. Reyes nods and presses the button on her slides presentation. "Good, please keep the side conversations to a minimum." I hate when teachers say this because you're not telling me to stop talking you're just telling the class to not have too many side conversations which means I can have mine as long as no one else creates another side conversation.

The boy next to me must get this to cause he leans over to me again. "Riders summercamp 2015, Ella," he whispers so smoothly. FUCKING JAMARI.

Rose

Classes this year are pretty good but then again it's the first day where nothing special happens. My AP English teacher gave the classic "this class requires a lot of work and will take up a lot of your time," speech. Like yeah okay, my third grade teacher said the same thing just give me the syllabus packet. The real highlight of my day was this girl Jess or Jessica in my second period Government class who sat across the room looking unbothered and chill. She looked straight out of a golf wang skater video and yes that is a compliment. Glitter, November, Earfquake, she reminded me of all those songs and all she had to do was sit there.