We're Trying

Not Sweet

Jamari

Mom hasn't let me fully come back to living with her and Camille but she is letting me eat dinner with them two nights a week. It feels weird that I have to edge back into being her son, but I'll do  whatever if it means not eating leftover chik fila with Caleb's dumb ass. Still even sitting down to eat with my mom and sister has strings, and one of them involves me forcing myself to pee in a cup. Just like I expected it came back clean and as usual mom just looked at the cup and made a noise. The same noises she made all through dinner while Camille just stared at me. If she wasn't in her room now, I'm pretty sure she'd be staring me down as I wash the dishes.

Mom waddles into the dining room. "I'm going to stop by Caleb's sometime, make sure you guys aren't living in some crack house." She sits down in her head chair and begins looking through the coupons that are covering the corner of the table.

"We're not," I mumble even though I know she doesn't believe shit I say. I could say the skye is blue and she would make a noise before stepping outside to check for herself.

"I saw Hanna's mom at Ralphs the other day."

As she says this I squeeze the sponge over Camille's plate. What the fuck does that have to do with me? I'm tired of being associated with that girl or even hearing her name. It's a stupid ass name anyway, Hanna is spelled Hannah with a damn H at the end.

Mom knows I don't have anything positive to say and she continues as I pick up the forks and spoons. "She looked me in my face in the seasoning aisle like shit was sweet." Mom huffs and i look back as she rips a Costco coupon. "You not seeing that girl again right?" she says the second she sees me looking at her. She looks me in my eyes. Why would I want to see that bitch?

"No i'm not seeing her and I never will be." I rinse the forks some more and mumble, "Fuck that bitch."

Mom's voice booms. "Aye watch your mouth." Mom laughs. "She is a trick ass bitch though." Finally me and mom can agree on something.

"So what's the plan for next year?"

I shrug. The real answer is I don't know but I know ma doesn't accept that as an answer. "Community college, I don't really have many options."

"And that's whose fault?" Hearing her voice going back to that harsh tone I turn off the faucet, the three plates and utensils are clean anyway.

"Hanna's," I whisper saying the truth.

"Huh?" Mom shouts.

"Mines," I change my answer.

"Exactly," Is all my mom says before walking to her room. I wish she would be nicer even if I know I don't deserve it. This is some bitch nigga shit but I wish I could back to the times mom treated Caleb and I like princes. I'm not for this adulting stuff, those people were right when they say you should appreciate your childhood.

Rose
Jess invited me over and I'm nervous as shit but as I get to the doorsteps of her house my pulse comes down. We've already kissed, what am I nervous about? Plus I'm just helping her with college applications and stuff. I text Jess that I'm here and look down at my bodysuit and pants. The door swings open and Ella stands there in a look that came straight off Pinterest. Even the way her slick bun and edges are looks like she's some Pinterest girl.

"Jess has manners and she was coming down but I was on the couch so I figured I'd get the door because I was closer," Ella says super fast. Three seconds later Jess comes behind her looking fine as usual in a cropped wife beater and jeans.

She isn't even phased about Ella getting the door and Just nods at me with her chill smile. My heart burns a bit and Jess leads me up the stairs while Ella sits back on the couch. When I take a look back she's watching Kelly Stamps on the tv and braiding a wig. I can only look at her for a few seconds before she stares right into my soul.