We're Trying

Tyler and ASAP

Ella

When I was being homeschooled it was comforting knowing she had friends and a whole social life outside of me. It was comforting knowing my problems weren't a big part in her life and she was living that highschool dream I saw on tv when I was a kid. But now as we await our college acceptances that comfort is gone especially as I know Jess isn't friends with Devon anymore, and she doesn't have Rose. Sure I love hanging out with my twin during nutrition and people watching with her, but I hate watching her quietly look at big friend groups and then look down at her converse as she listens to Smino or Blood Orange. I know I don't have friends either but I'm used to being alone, I've been alone all my life, Jess needs people whether she's going to talk to them or not. The worst part is she's not telling me what's wrong which is why I'm taking matters into my own hands. Because pigs would fly before Jess asks me to do her a favor or confess her feelings. And maybe this could be apart of my birthday present for us.

I stand at the Wilshire skate park watching a bunch of boys in khakis glide and try their best not to fall. It only takes me minutes to spot Devon and his boys doing more talking than skating in the corner. I don't know much about Devon and Jess's friendship besides that convo we had some months ago, but watching Devon talk loud as hell it's apparent that Jess could probably find better friends.

I walk over to them and all the boys look at me. I stand in front of them with my arms crossed.

"Aye look it's Ronda Rowsey," Devon yells and more people around the park look at us.

I don't even bother wasting time. "You're going to be friends with Jess again and put this bullshit behind you." The other guys look at Devon and go back to skating.

"Nah I'm good." Devon continues to smile.

"You're not good, put your male ego behind you."

Devon takes a step closer to me and I take a step back. "Or what?" he asks. He's kind of smiling.

"Or I slap the shit out of you." I kind of wish I had more, but this is the best I can do.

"Jess knows she in the wrong right?"

I shrug.

Devon looks at his shoes just like Jess would do in this confrontation. "You know Jess is the best skater out here right?"

"I know." The boys skating behind us couldn't even compare to her. Especially that one boy Aidan who keeps on looking at me and Devon. I let my hardcore demeanor break for just a second as I scan Devon's face. "You liked her didn't you, like more than a friend." Now I get it, he wished Jess liked him and not his girlfriend. He wanted Jess to be bi and not Mia.

"Jess is my bro," he proclaims.

I nod. "Good so that means you guys are back to being cool again." I don't wait for his response and begin walking away. "This stays between us," is the last thing I say before Aidan stops me and makes me flinch.

"Can you tell Jess I need to talk her please," he says and wipes some sweat off of his forehead. I'm not going to do that.

"Okay," I mumble and get out of his way. Now I really get it, these guys sure like hanging out with Jess cause she's cool and an amazing person, but lets be honest they want to fuck.

Jamari

The block hasn't changed and neither has the color of our house. The screen door is still dirty, the lawn still brown, and the streets still filled witha bunch of hooptis that will never get fixed. The only difference now is that I'm standing on the doorstep with all my belongings in a duffel bag. Ever since my ass got locked up this is the moment I've been waiting for. The moment where everything that happened in Juvy goes away because I'm back with my family. I should be able to call ma and tell her im here but I ring the doorbell like I'm any other guest. I wait five minutes, and nothing. I ring again and I here footsteps but they're definately too light to be ma's. Camille swings the screen door open but stops halfway as she looks up at me.

"Is Ma here?" I ask ready for her to open the door all the way and get me out of this hot ass sun. She doesn't though, and I wish I worn that nasty purple sunscreen.

"Yes," she says. She's not beaming to see me and welcoming me back. Fuck.

"Can I come in?"

Camille shakes her head and that small movement makes me want to fucking die. What now? I gave ma my 30 day chip, I've been getting decent grades, and I even got a job to save some money for her and Camille's Christmas presents. I'm going to get ma an air fryer and Camille whatever set of toys she wants. What more do I have to do to be her son again?

"Why?" I almost yell and Camille looks behind her. I follow her eyes and try to see if Ma is there but I don't see her. Like I was since I got out of Juvy I've been living like ma is watching me at all times and I still feel that way.

"You lied," Camille says. She sounds like she just heard the truth about Santa Clause.

"No I didn't, what did I lie about?"

Camille turns around again and I take a step closer to the screen door. "Ma," I yell. Camille just stands there. "Ma," I yell again but Camille slowly closes the door in my face. I sit on the doorstep until I see a cop rounding the corner on our street. I don't think mom would call the cops on me, but right now I can't really believe that. I get back in the car Caleb has been letting me drive around and open my phone. I go through a bunch of contacts, all of which are people I haven't talked to since I got locked up. Just as I'm about to put my phone away a reminder pops up on my phone. "Talk to ole shorty if you're sad." Something I made in my aa meeting.

Me: What you doing?

Ella: Sorting photographs.

Me: Can I come over?

Ella: no. My parents are here.

Me: I didn't say I was trying to have sex with you. Maybe I'm trying to meet your parents.

Ella: Well then ask if you can meet my parents.

Me: Can I meet your parents?

Ella: No.

Me: Are you ashamed of me?

A part of me is joking, but there is a part that is really asking if Ella doesn't want the boy who just got out of Juvy to meet her parents. I remember meeting Hanna's mom and watching her being dissapointed the second she opened the door. I also remember after the trial how she had this look on her face that said "yeah I knew this was coming." Even Hanna's sister with that basic white name acted like I was the scum of the earth.

Ella: I literally just got into a fight at school. Why would I be ashamed of you? Are you like a Tory Lanez fan or something? Because fuck his bald ass.

I shrug even though she can't see it. This girl has a nigga out here acting like a fool.

Ella: Where do you think the guy and girl from Facebook story are now?

Me: That bitch is burning in hell and probably begging niggas to give her their social security numbers.

Ella: I think Tyler the creator was fucking Asap rocky.

I laugh to myself.

Me: Pause. But do don't do ASAP like that.

Ella: I'm not doing him like anything. I think they're cute together. They balance eachtoher out. Tyler brings out Rocky's fun side.

Me: Pause again. You think we balance eachother out?

Ella: Your acting like a girl.

Ella: But yes.

We talk some more before I drive back to Caleb's. He's playing the game and I just flop on the couch next to him. When talking to Ella I don't feel like im in some shitty apartment and back in front of the community center with that donut sitting between us. I wish we met sooner, before Hanna approached me, before the court, and before all the times I used to supid shit to make me feel better. She says what's on her mind all the time, no fake shit, and I like that. I know I sound like a bitch whose about to look for zodiac placements, but she's right we do balance eachother out. Plus she's fine as hell.