We're Trying

Babe

Jamari

I still live with Caleb but giving ma my 30 day chip did get me a dinner with her and Camille. But dinner is just dinner and she didn't promise talking or even eye contact. I play with my fork around my mom's steamed vegetables and watch Camille as she finishes her chicken leg.
It's crazy seeing the bone of her chicken because the last time we had dinner she would only eat the skin and the thickest pieces of chicken. I would cut the chicken for her, but those days are behind us. Forks screech and mom keeps her head down. Camille did the same but now she's staring right at me.

"What's high school like?" Camille says and her voice isn't as high pitched as it used to be. She almost sounds a bit like mom or our cousin who used to babysit Caleb and I.

"It's cool," I say. I know she probably wants some high school musical answer but this year is just teachers nagging us about college admissions while also assigning us a million pages of reading. I can't wait to get out of that school even though I know my ass will be right in some college classes that will make my mom proud. She didn't go to college, Caleb dropped out after getting caught cheating in statistics, so that leaves me the one who has to lead the torch. And I'll do it just to make ma and Camille proud, but don't expect me to not cheat on an exam.

"Are you still with Hanna? I miss her, she was so pretty!" At these words mom whips her head up and stares into my soul. Camille notices too because her smile goes away and she looks between us. I actually like that she's asking this question because it tells me she doesn't remember all the bad, and maybe if I'm lucky she doesn't remember the person I'm trying to get away from.

"You better not be with that hot mess," mom spats.

"I'm not, mom I don't even talk to her." Mom shakes her head. She doesn't believe me and given what happened in the past I don't blame her.

"Do you have another girlfriend then?"

I eat some chicken but in the back of my head Ella's fine crazy ass shows up telling me not to copy her answers. "Nah," I say simply.

"You mean no," mom corrects.

"No," I say immediately.

Mom looks into my soul again and I don't think she notices but I smile a bit. It may be the littlest thing but it seems like we're getting back to our old dynamic.

Jess

Everyone is talking about homecoming and I couldn't care less. For the past four years I haven't gone and just spent the night skating. But I don't know maybe I could go with Rose or something if she wants to. But then again do I really want to be around all the white kids in my school dancing to generic rap songs. I can already see the white kids who would do that on the far end of the computer lab where they stand by the printer.

Ella and I stand by a computer or really I'm standing and Ella is sitting on some editing app. She's so in her zone she probably doesn't even notice the nerds playing minecraft. I may not have friends but at least i'm not yelling at a computer at lunch.

"Jess you can look now," Ella says and I turn to the computer. On the screen is a picture of me from the carnival and the sunset is edited perfectly.

"Say something," Ella says as I stare at the photo for some seconds.

"It's amazing." For real, for real Ella has a cool eye but she scrunches her face.

"Are you just saying that because I told you to say something?" At that I just smile and look around the computer lab and I know I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing.

Standing in the door is Aidan and he's staring right at me. The second my eyes land on him he scurries at the computer lab. "Yo I'll see you afterschool," I say before Ella can respond and run out the lab against the advisor's wishes. I run out of the lab and down the stairs and there Aidan is running but I catch him. I stop and tap his shoulder and he turns around while looking around at everyone in the patio. Yea there not going to save your ass nigga.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I shout.

"Nothing," he says and keeps looking around the patio.

"Are you stalking me or something?"

He looks at the ground. "No I just-

Before he can say anything else I take a step closer to him and to my surpise and tower over him. "Stay the fuck away from me and stop telling Devon my business."

I don't even care for his response but when I start walking back I hear him say, "It's not what you think I swear Jessica!"

"If you're going to stalk me you should at least know that I go by Jess," I say and bump right into Rose and Hanna. Fuck I didn't want her to see me mad like this, especially with her friend.

Rose

When I bump into Jess I see she doesn't look all calm and collected and Hanna sees it too because she heads to the cafeteria.

"What's wrong babe?" I ask and take a step closer to her.

"Babe?" Jess says and her usual smirk comes back.

"You don't like when I call you babe?" I ask and my face gets hot.

"Nah, I love it." Thank fucking god.

I take her hand and lead over to the grass picnic place where we both sit down. We stare at eachother for a moment before I say, "Is it the whole Devon thing again?"

"Yeah but it's not a big deal," she plays with the grass under her hands.

"If it's bothering you it's a big deal." I bite down on my lip. "I don't like seeing you sad."

"I thought you like people with emotions," she says and gets closer to me. She plays with my gold earing and it almost makes me forget about what we're talking about. Right emotions, stay focused.

"I do, but that doesn't mean I don't want to make you happy." My words dangle in the air and the loud noises of the lunch area decrease a bit.

"Can I change the subject," she asks.

"If you really want to."

"Are you doing anything Saturday for homecoming?"

God fucking damn I forgot about homecoming but I only went freshmen year and it wasn't all that. I almost had a nip slip and Hanna and I just spent the time doing the jerk and updating our snapchat stories. I wish I could say no, but my dad sat me down and put the money on the table this morning and comfirmed my Friday plans just like he has been doing for the past month. Devon's party was the only night I didn't need to babysit Liliana because aunt shannaon stepped in but now that her lazy ass is backing out it's just Dad and I. I don't even know where he goes these Friday nights but I assume it has something to do with the food truck. Whatever it is he's gone for about an hour and a half and comes back the same.

"I have to babysit my sister," I say.

"Oh okay," Jess says and she looks down at the grass.

I don't even think before I take out my phone and go to Ella's dm. I thought I'd bring it up with Jess because I'm still confused. I show her and Jess scans the phone. As she gets lower her eyebrows scrunch and she smirks. She hands me back the phone.

"She wasn't talking about the sexuality spectrum," Jess says and I look down at my phone.

"I trust you to keep this to yourself, but umm," Jess looks down at the grass. "She has autism."

Before she can eleborate and I can feel even more stupid she smashes her lips against mine right as the bell rings.