We're Trying

In the toilet

Hanna

Halloween is literally in one week and all I can think about is what costume that resembles lingerie I'm going to wear. Or rather what costumes I'm going to wear because Halloweeen is on a Sunday which means Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night will all require different costumes. I'm probably just going to do some basic shit like the devil, a slutty bunny, and some sexy version of something else. Cause really I don't give a shit about the costume and I just care about how crazy halloween nights and parties are. Since eigth grade I've been going to them pulling Rose along in her clever costume that made adults laugh. Really in these five years she's only been to two parties because she's Rose and she doesn't see the value in having someone dressed as the joker twerk on you while chucky teaches you how to do the jerk.

I don't stop thinking about halloween until I walk into Caleb's apartment where he stands there looking me up and down in my shorts and tube top combo. My birthday was yesterday and as usual I didn't do shit because I never want to celebrate a birthday without my dad. This of course means I'll never celebrate my birthday, but I'm find with that and Rose got it so she didn't force me to do anything.

"I'm 18," I say and sit on his stool that makes me spin around. It takes away the whole sexy vibe I was trying to give off as I have to spin myself back to look at him in his basketball shorts and wife beater.

"That's really the only thing on your mind huh?" he walks over to the counter and leans over. His cologne dangles under my nostrils.

"It's none of your business, what's on my mind."

"Shouldn't you be applying for colleges or trying to get community service hours  like Rose? I know her ass is going to some 4 year with a like a full ride." He's right and I've been trying not to think about what I'm going to do without my bestfriend. Even if she goes to an in state school she'll still be busy will all of that college shit while I'll probably be just taking classes on my bed.

I look around the apartment and back at Caleb. "I'm sorry what 4 year prestigous university do you go to? Because last time I checked your ass got kicked out of the university of Nevada."

Caleb stops smirking. "Well I'm making up my last classes at community college so there you go."

"Great cause that's what im doing to." We stare at each other for a moment and I can't tell if it's sexual tension or awkwardness between us. "What colleges is Jamari applying to?" I know I shouldn't be asking but I feel like the second we graduate Jamari is going to be out of my life forever and I just want some way of knowing where he's going to be.

Caleb stands up straight. "Not many, you know colleges like kids who serve at soup kitchens not niggas who served sentences." This boy needs to stop with his cheesy bullshit. Mostly because that pit of guilt hits my stomach. I should've never brought up Jamari and just offered to suck Caleb off.

I look down at my nails and click them on the counter. Before I can say I'm sorry which should really be geared toward Jamari Caleb starts talking and he looks like he wants to punch me in the face. "You know even if I fuck you I'm not as much as a piece of shit as you." I want to say and why is that? but he continues. "I can get your ass pregnant and it still wouldn't be as bad as you letting my brother sit in that damn cell with no call, email, or even some old 19th century ass letter." I look down again and the pit in my stomach gets wider. I've been trying to suppress this feeling but now it's here and the way Caleb is looking at me I don't think it's going to go away by fucking him or shoving his you know in my mouth.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. I can't look him in the eyes but this apology is something right?

"Yea you really should be." Caleb stands up straight and looks down at me as I try to make eye contact. "You never heard of the term ride or die huh?'

"Fuck you," I say the second I meet his eyes. I hop off that stool that's still spinning and head to the door. I know what I did, and i know it was wrong as hell but fuck Caleb and his foot locker job.

When I'm down the hallway of his apartment I hear him say, "You're 18 now sweetheart, maybe now it's time to take responsibility for your dumb ass actions."

Rose

Dad had to go to work early because some mishaps with the food truck so now I'm standing in the shower with Liliana sitting on the bathroom floor in her uniform. She's playing with bands and each time I scrub apart of my body I have to turn and look back at her just to make sure she's good. She's smiling like this is normal and I draw a little heart on the shower door.

My phone dings on the sink and Lili turns around to look at it.

"Can you get that babes?" I say. Lili places her hand on the shower door and watches her fingernails hit the glass. I can see from here it's not someone calling but a text, and all I want is to see it and make sure that it's Jess. We texted a lil bit and she said to disregard what Ella said but I don't know I feel like our relationship is on the rocks.

"Bands," Lili mumbles holding up the hair ties before she gets up and holds my phone as I turn off the shower. I step out and as I wrap my towel around my self Lili's little hand drops my phone in the toilet. FUCK. When it sits there she looks back at me and covers her mouth.

"Oops," she mumbles. Cute but not cute.

I can't even think about what just happened because I still have to get ready and get her to school and then get myself to school.  Just like when I showered Lili watches my every move as I get dressed. Unlike me she's already had her breakfast so the second we get in the car my stomach rumbles and lili mimics the sound. Doing all this I kind of have a new respect for my mother and when she would get me ready for school while dad was working the breakfast shift at the Cheesecake Factory.

I get Lili to the school and try my best to conquer my nerves around driving but of course I'm going slow as hell. I don't really speed up until I reach the student parking lot and park right next to a familiar hoopti. Usually Hanna would text me where she is and we would meet but obviously that's not possible right now. Jamari hops out of his car and for the first time this year I see him holding a textbook and a notebook.

"Tough morning," he says and begins walking beside me.

"I guess," I say. It's kind of awkward talking to Jamari because I do feel like I'm betraying Hanna but at the same time Jamari wasn't the one who burned their relationship to the ground.

"You know I'm sorry about everything that happened," I say although I'm looking ahead of us I do hope he knows I mean it.

"Rose you have nothing to be sorry about, it's water under the bridge." We stop at my locker and I turn to him.

"Is it really?"

"Hell Nah but that's just some nice to say." He walks away and waves.

I go to the front and see Jess skating. The second she sees me she stops skating and picks up her board. I look around and Ella is nowhere to be found which I'm kind of happy about.

Jess looks around us and I can tell she's nervous. Hell I am too. "Hey umm did you get my text." She smiles. So it was her.

"My phone fell in the toilet," I say. It sounds so stupid.

Jess just shrugs. "Well Umm I Uhh like you a lot I know I already said that but yeah." She looks down at her sneakers. "And umm I'm sorry about Ella.

Just like Jamari I say, "you have nothing to be sorry about," and kiss her like nothing happened and like everything is still perfectly okay. I can tell though by the way Jess shoved her tongue down my throat our relationship isn't on the rocks anymore.