We're Trying

Monster

A year ago

Rose

I let the guards pat me down and as they do goosebumps run over my spine. The last time I was in here was when I was 8 and for some reason we went to a pancake breakfast with the police, and they showed us around the cells. I walked hand in hand with Hanna and she thought it was weird they let the inmates shower. I thought it was weird they used the same suave soap I did. It's not the same as then. The guards seem meaner, and I'm no longer a child who just believes that jails are filled with bad people. Sure bad people are in there but its not all black and white and why im here proves it.

I get a visitor pass and sit in a bland room with a few other people who all looked tired and ready to go home. I try to focus on the friends episode playing but I can't help but look at the woman who plops down next to me. She has thick black hair thats in a braid and tears spill down her face. She clutches a wrinkled photograph.

She turns to me and tries to wipe away her tears with her sleeve. I go up to the desk and grab the box of tissues. I hand her the box and she nods. She wipes her eyes and sniffs.

She turns to me. " I always thought he was a good kid. He always did his homework. He even brought me flowers when he went biking. He's a monster, I raised a monster ." she cries some more and grabs more and more tissues.

"You didn't raise a monster," I whisper. I want to tell her more but the gaurd behind the front desk yells my last name. I jump up and I'm lead by a guard who smirks as he looks down at me.

"Her son beat someone unconcious, he's a monster." He giggles to himself and leads me into a cafeteria like room where teen boys in orange jumpsuits sit around either waiting or already talking to family members. I feel kind of sick thinking of the scene of someone being beaten into their sleep. I should've said something else.

I find Jamari sitting in the corner. His hair is growing and flowing. He has a subtle beard and he rubs it as I walk over to him. The gray jumpsuit with the number on the back doesn't match. I sit across from him and he smirks just like the guard. His face is emotionless though and  I can tell he's probably trying to hide it.

"She's really not coming huh?" he asks and crosses his arms.

I want to lie for her but my lack of response is already an answer.

Jamari nods and sighs. "You don't have to be here Rose."

I fiddle with my fingers under the table. "I want to be here, I want to make sure you're okay."

I didn't think it was possible but he smiles from cheek to cheek. A pure childish one that makes me smile too. "You're too nice Rose." He looks to the side at a guard staring us down. "I wish your best friend was more like you."

"Me too," I mumble but he doesn't hear it.

For a moment we don't know what to say, and he taps his fingers on the table. "You got a girlfriend?" Jamari ends up asking.

I shake my head.

"You're going to be a good girlfriend."

I look down at my nails, flattered. "Thank you."

"A better girlfriend than-"

I nod, knowing where he's going with this. "Yeah."

He nods over to a table where a guy with slick black hair sits. The guy is tapping his foot and staring at the clock. He whispers "That guy over there Jeremy, beat the shit out a guy, guess why?"

I shrug.

Jamari smiles, not as big a smile as before. "He beat up the senior fucking five freshmen." So I was right she didn't raise a monster.

Hanna

I sit in Alex's car looking outside at the El pollo loco where she said she saw him when she was getting a tostada. It's been months, shit has already hit the fan, and there are so many words that I have stuck inside of me that I need to get out. We need to talk about the car, the pills, the court case, and everything. Or really I need to talk about these things but who knows maybe he's already past them. Maybe he spent that year in juvy talking to his cell mates and talking about all the things I'm still holding. I zip up my hoodie and hold my arms. I'm still cold, but I've come to accept that since I've stopped doing drugs I never will be warm.

"So are you going to get out of the car?" Alex asks. She's doing her lip gloss in the mirror.

I open the door but she stops me. "You want some? You kind of look like shit." She holds out her lip gloss and I get out of the car. I hold my sleeves and walk to the resturant but theres no need to walk inside and see him behind the counter because he's leaning agaist the wall of the parking lot looking at his phone. His hair is tied back in cornrows and his skin glows. He looks ten times better than me even with his wrinking uniform.

I stand in front of him and he turns to me. He pockets his phone. "Stalking is illegal, but then again you were never one to abide by the law," he says.

"I'm sorry," I mumble and take one step closer.

"What you do you want?"

"I want to talk to you." I want to get closer to him but I know I can only get so far before he flips me off and walks away.

He laughs like I'm some child asking about what time Santa is coming. "We don't talk Hanna. Are you that dumb? You apoligize and you grovel and I get to decide if I accept your apology. Which I won't."

I hold onto my sleeves a little tighter. "I'm sorry Jamari I mean it, I wish I could go back-

"But you can't." The lightness of his face leaves and he looks just like he did the day the judge read the verdict. Stone cold. "You're fucking caleb!"

I say the only thing I know to say. "I'm sorry." I don't even care about how he find out.

"No don't be that's the best decision you ever made, you two fuckers are made for eachother." Jamari stops leaning on the wall and heads to the back door of the place.

"Jamari," I barely mumble.

He tuns back quick. "Because of your ass I can't go back to my mom's, let me guess she opened the door and found your ass." He shakes his head. "I just need you to say one thing, whose drugs were those."

"Mine," I say.

And with that he goes inside El pollo loco.