We're Trying

Dandelion

Ella 

I haven't had time to really focus on my photography since school started but since my dad's screaming and my crying session I picked up my canon and started watching people behind my lens. It's kind of funny because Jess and I were fighting about what I would do if someone took my picture and now as I walk through the halls I have the urge to just take pictures of all the people. There's so much story afterschool in the halls as people linger and others head to the back of the school for sports. The girl in her cheerleading uniform who is running with only one tennis shoe, she has a story. And it probably has something to do with a guy as I look at the hickey she did a horrible job of covering. I take a few snaps of people who are too in their own worlds but I don't want to waste my camera on these random people when I know the exact person I want to take a picture of. I thought I lost him because we came from the same last class but when I exit the third hall there he is exiting the college and career center still without a backpack and a care in the world. 

I get close to him, but not close enough for him to notice and I take a picture of him scrolling on his phone. I go up to him and when he sees me he pockets his phone and looks me up and down from my french braids to stan smith shoes that actually used to be Jess's. "Wassup," he says. 

"Can I take a photo of you?" I ask and exchange looks from him and my camera. He has this look on his face that makes me think I asked "Can I fuck you," instead of taking his photo. The weird thing is last night when I needed a fake scenario to go to sleep Jamari taking off my clothes was the one that sufficed. 

"I guess so." He stares at the camera and waits for me to give him direction or something but I keep the same stance. 

"I actually I already took a photo of you, so the transaction is complete." I'm about to walk off but Jamari still keeps his eyes on me. 

"Then why did you ask?" He says and takes a step closer. He smells like coconut. 

"I figured it was the ethical thing to do." Jamari doesn't say anything and just smiles and I follow suit. I don't know what we're smiling about but I'll smile. 

"Can I see it?" I turn my camera and Jamari nods. "Nice." 

Jamari looks around and I'm fighting the urge to scream "just kiss me because you look like you're about to kiss and I don't like to be lead on." 

"You got homecoming plans?" He asks. 

My urge to kiss him goes away. "That's a dumb question."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what you're asking. What are homecoming plans? The question is am I going to homecoming or not, and If i'm not what am I doing? Really you should ask what are my Saturday plans." 

"You just say what ever is on your mind huh?" 

"No. Do you just make assumptions about people?" 

He's on the verge of laughing like I just said some joke or accidentally said the word underwear. "Nah." He looks across from the lockers were standing by and I follow his gaze to see the girl who Rose's dad gave food. I think her name is Hannah. Jamari looks back at me. "So what you trying to do Saturday, or am I going to catch you at the community center on Friday."

"The community center," I say and look down at my camera. 

"You don't want me to take you on a date or nothing?"

"You didn't ask me on a date, so I'll see you at the community center well actually I'll see you in class tomorrow unless you don't show up." Jamari nods and with that I walk towards the front of the school. I wish I didn't have to tell him everything on my mind and I could just stand there and let him shower me with compliments. Maybe if he tells all the things he likes about me I'll be able to put that summer behind me, or really his words behind me. That one word still stings but when it comes up I force myself to think about something else like college and how many community service hours I need. 

Hanna

Fuck waiting for my birthday, I saw Jamari talking to that girl whose twin is basically married to Rose and since then all I could think about is him and Caleb. I should be worrying about my grades or filing my fasfa but I have until March to do that, so if I want to see Caleb I'm going to see Caleb. And it's not like I'm sneaking over there, because he invited me or rather just told me "yah come over whatever." 

So here I am, standing outside his door in one of Alex's old jumpsuits that makes my ass look bigger than it actually is. In my bag I have my vape pen, some drink coolers, and what I call my m&m case which is anything but chocolate. 

After one knock he opens the door in a wife beater and sweats and I can't help but look at his muscles that weren't prominent when we were in high school together. 

"You know what I told you shorty," he says. 

"I know, I'm not coming over here to fuck you so don't worry." If I had it my way and was born a year earlier I would though. 

He blocks the doorway and as he does this all I'm thinking about is climbing him like a tree and riding him like a rodeo. "Then what did you come over here for?" You invited me nigga! Now welcome me in so one of your neighbors doesn't come into the hallway and get into our business. 

"Just to hang out with you  duh." 

Caleb moves to the side and I can sort of see the inside of his apartment now. "Since we were friends? Don't you got a bestfriend Dandelion or something?"

"Her name is Rose and she kinda has a girlfriend now," As I say this I think about how happy Rose seemed when I talked to her on facetime. She seemed like an actual teenager and not some robot who goes to school and takes care of her sister 24/7. Maybe she is an actual teenager I just don't see it that way because I got 0 responsibilities. 

"Her fine ass got a girlfriend? Everyone gay nowadays am I right?" This guy must listen to Dababy or Boosie. 

"Shut up, Jess and Rose are like the only two gay people on campus." And with that I walk into his apartment. I take a seat on the couch and Caleb sits right beside me. 

"Trust me there is a lot of niggas in the closet at the damn progressive highschool, those football players slapping butts?" Caleb raises his eyebrows. 

"Weren't you one of them, like a running safety or something.?" 

"Shut up." He smiles. "It's not a running safety it's a running back dumb ass." 

At that I take out my vape pen which I wish were backwoods, and Caleb looks at me sideways. "You're fucking kidding me?" 

I take my first inhale. "You wanna hit?" 

Caleb shakes his head but then continues to watch me as I exhale. He sticks his hand out. "That's more like it," I say. 

When Caleb exhales through his nose he shakes his head again. "You know you're already lightskin and skinny, you don't need to be a drug addict to be like Rue from Euphoria." 

"I'm not an addict." As I say this I guard my bag. Great so he's not going to be fun today. He said Jamari is getting his life together, he didn't say anything about him so I don't get his problem. 

"Mhmm than what are you?" Caleb tries to look me in the eyes but my eyes fall to the pink afro pick on the coffee table. Caleb watches my eyes and sees it to. "It's none of your business," he says so calmly. My eyes stay on the afro pick and I think of sophmore year when Jamari let me french braid his year and he had that in his pocket. Caleb can see my change in composure because he moves closer to me on the couch. 

"Kissing isn't illeagal," I say and hop on his lap. He looks up at me and licks his lips. I kiss him as fast as I can to stop the "You're a terrible person Hanna," thoughts that come to me as our tongues touch. Caleb kisses me back and that's all we do until I see Jamari's jacket on one of the chairs, and need to get the hell out of this place.