We're Trying

Carnival

Rose

The last days of summer in Wilshire city  cultimate at the Cuanga park where food trucks, rides, and a too large drink section make up the annual end of summer festival on this windy Saturday. With the large ferris wheel that changes color really the festival is more aesthetically pleasing at night where people can re make that Euphoria carnival scene and record slo mo shots of them walking on the damaged grass. I would love to take these shots and post them for my 200 followers but I'm here at 11am standing outside my dad's fried chicken food truck holding my three year old sister Lili whose trying to pull at my bright pink bra strap. Not so aesthetically pleasing and exactly why my last post was 3 years year ago on my 14th birthday holding baby Liliana in front of my ice cream cake.

"Rosie, any of your friends coming today, you'd think they would like my new chicken recipe?" My dad asks from inside the truck as he rearranges his spices.

"I don't know let me check," I say. I put Liliana on the ground and try grabbing my phone out of my jean pocket but she clings to my leg and lets out a whine. The severs in the gelato food truck next to us look over like they did when they first saw my dad's "Mykel's chicken," truck pull in the vendors only lot. Yes we're black people selling fried chicken but it's not just fried my dad grills, jerks, and really does everything to chicken except under season it.

"Give me a sec Bubba," I say calling her her nickname but she clings to my jeans harder. The grass is hardly touching her so I don't know the problem. Moments like these I wish she would tell me but Lili hasn't said her first word which to some may be the end of the world because she's 3 and about to be in preschool, but what people don't realize is communication is not only verbal. I know when Lili is upset, I know when she wants a stuff animal, and my dad and I both know she'll speak when she speaks and if she doesn't than it is what it is. Sometimes I think she would speak if her mom was here but she passed away at childbirth, leaving the parenting to just me, my aunt Shannon and my dad. Even though Liliana hasn't spoken I think the death hit my dad harder I mean obviously it did. She was his second girlfriend, his second chance of love after his divorce from my mother 8 years ago. Our aunt helped us with Lili in the beginning but for some reason I don't see the connection my dad and I have had all my life when he looks at Lili who to be honest kind of looks like me.

I take out my phone and put Liliana back on my hip. She rest her head on my chest as I open my messages and begin texting my friend Hanna if she's coming today.

Hanna

I lost my virginity and  I think my 13 year old self would be proud. Or really she would call me a slut. No she wouldn't 13 year old me was a proud feminist who would probably love to know why I consider myself a womanist now. Or maybe she would be disgusted at the fact that I probably hardly knew this guy and just met him after talking to him on snapchat for some months. I don't know who gives a fuck about her, I'm 17, going to be 18 in two months and I'm walking out of this guys room  whose name is fucking Chad like im in some netflix show where 26 year olds play 15 year olds. I leave Chad and run out of his small apartment without even thinking about leaving him a note. He got his nut in my belly button and he wasn't all that hot to begin with.

When I get home my mom is praising jesus in her bedroom and doesn't even bother giving me another thought. Getting rid of any trace of Chad I shower and change into my t shirt and shorts. In two weeks I'll have to pull them down as I walk across school and get looks from the superintendent. Thank god this is my last year of this bullshit. I've been waiting for this since 4th grade when I got caught selling candy with my bestfriend Rose. She still continued to be dedicated to school, but that was it for me and since then I've been looking at the clock waiting for the bell to ring, waiting for the day to end, and waiting for the day I can say fuck off Wislhire highschool.

Just like she knew I was thinking of her Rose's name pops up on my screen as I down a lemonade I had on my nightstand. Rose: You coming to the festival today? Shit I forgot about that but it's not that I have anything to do besides make sure my ass is at church at 8am tomorrow sober and with my hair tamed. Me: Yea you're dad's truck is going to be there right? Rose's dad makes bomb chicken way better than my mom but that's expected because she's white and only knows how to use our new airfryer. Love the lady, but sometimes I wish Rose and I were sisters and I could have all the food he gave me at sleepovers everyday. Rose: fbdsjkafaakjefbedfedsgb. I squint but I already know what's coming. Rose: Sorry that was Lili, yea he's going to be here all day. Me: Yea I'll be there. For a second I debate telling her about Chad and how it wasn't all romantic or beautiful, but I delete those sentences. Rose is a whole lesbian I'm sure she doesn't want to hear about how this guy basically slobbered on me and didn't even notice that I spent the whole night making moodboards on my phone while he snored like he just put the best dick down. This is definitely an in person conversation.

My mom insists she come to the festival and I don't object because I don't feel like paying for an uber. I stay beside her a bit looking for the fried chicken station while mom comments on all the short skirts these girls are wearing these days. Finally I find the station and see Rose holding Lili while she sips from a sippy cup. My mom shakes her head at Rose's low rise jeans but lets be real she's just mad her gut goes over her belt and she's been trying to get her pre baby body back for 17 years. But her body's not going to change especially as she makes her way over to the drink section. Parents pile in there with their drinks and before I know it she's already blending in. For a second I wish I brought my fake and could drink with her like we always do but theres too many people from my school who probably know my age.

Rose

Time flies by at the festival especially with Lili being patient and not throwing any fits. Just when I think I'm going to get bored Hanna is rushing towards me and I can see she has some shit to say. Just like in 4th grade when she had the idea to sell the candy her mom got in bulk from Costco. That's Hanna for you though, always with the crazy ideas which is why a septum piercing hangs from her nose.

"I lost it," she says as she reaches the table Lili and I are sitting at by the food truck. Lili smiles at her as she sits across from me.

"Again?" One thing about Hannah is she's going to lose her fake ID several times. She's left it at my place and even at Winchells donut shop.

"Huh?" Hanna says.

"This is why you should get a wallet."

Hanna's eyes widen. "My fakes at home," she says.

"Where?" I challenge.

"That's not important, I'm not talking about that, I lost it." Now she's looking me in the eyes and I know exactly what she's saying.

"With that boy with that white ass name?" I try to hold back a laugh. "Chandler?"

"Chad and he's white," she looks down at her nails and for the first time today a somber tone comes over her face. Even Lili notices and tries to stretch out her little hand to Hanna's hair.

I put my hand over her hand. "It wasn't what you expected huh?"

Hanna shakes her head but it only takes one second for her to paste a smile on her face and look back at all the color of the carnival. "Lets go do some stuff, i got a wristband." She gets up and knowing I have no choice I follow her carrying Lili who pumps her fist in the air. We eat some of dad's fried chicken and after 1o tries I win Lili a stuffed animal that keeps her occupied as Hanna bumps into people from school and pretends she likes them. With Lili on my lap we go on the marry go round and just run around on the grass people watching. Seeing Hanna in her short shorts and the sun beaming with no thoughts of homework, I can't help but think how much I'm going to miss summer.

We go back to our table but the second we sit down Lili points behind Hanna whose smile immediately goes away as she sees her mom by the stage dancing like it's no ones business to some song from the sixties. Hanna gives me the look I've gotten to know for years. As she walks away to bring her mom back to real life I can't help but think about how I'm 17 and haven't kissed or had anyone even interested in me.