We're Trying

Bad Dream

Ella

I want to stay and listen to everything my parents might say but after some minutes I begin to feel like shit and walk out of the community center. When I reach the steps my eyes land on Jamari leaning against some Hoopti. Before I can even think about how much I hate him he looks up from his phone and does that infamous smirk I wish Jess would slap off his face. It would hurt more if she did it rather than me because she wears about five rings.

"You stalking me now?" He asks as I walk down the community center steps.

"I hate you," I repeat the same thing I said at school.

"That's been established." And? I'll establish it again. Fuck him, I keep walking with my arms tightly crossed around my body. A loud car blares it's horn and I dig my fingernails into my palm. I didn't call an uber but I don't feel like stopping and having Jamari realize I'm not capable of a dramatic exit. But it doesn't even matter anymore cause I can hear Jamari's footsteps behind me.

"You're stalking me now?" I repeat his words.

"Nah I was just going to ask if you were good." His voice in that chill tone is like Jess's but unlike my twin's it makes my head ache.

I whip my head around and stop in front of him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You flinched when that car made that noise."  He gestures to the red car across the street.

"I'm fine," I mumble ready to turn back around and sneak my uber back home to do god knows what. I didn't know my finching was noiticeable, which means when the bell rings at school unless I'm ready for the seconds it throws me off guard.

Jamari's phone rings and like he planned it I dig my fingernails into my palm at the loud singing of NBA Youngboy. Jamari looks me up and down. "See like that?" he turns his phone off and stuffs it in his pocket. "What was that? You don't like youngboy?" No nigga I have sensory issues and you have your ring tone on high as hell.

He doesn't need to know that though. "No, I'm not a youngboy fan but he has two songs with Kevin Gates that are nice and I do think his love life and constant kid making is questionable but maybe his mixtape or album every year will pay for those diapers. I don't suspect all of those kids born in 2019 are his though, but that's just my opinion." And that's everything I have tucked in the Youngboy file in my brain under the category of rap.

Jamari just laughs and I wish I just told him I hate him again because that can never get old. I turn back around and keep walking but Jamari yells, "Ayy wait," and I stop. "You got all that on the top of your head?"

"That's why I said it."

He puts his hands up to surrender. "Ayy what's your problem."

"You. I HATE YOU," I shout and some jogger turns to look at us.

Like I just told him a joke Jamari laughs and gets closer to me. "What did I do? You mad about me stealing your pencil, I can give it back ma."

"I'm not your ma one and two, you stole my pencil?"

"I replaced it with mine, but that's not the point it's just a pencil."

"I don't hate you because of a pencil, I hate you because you made my life miserable in summercamp." I look at him to see if memories our flashing through his brain like they are in mine but he just scratches his head.