Once In A While

Chapter 16.1: From Me, To You

Dear Jean,
I know things between us are not like they used to be; my fault, for sure.

I left my home that day for the training camps.
Walked all the way there, my back heavy from the guilt of my sinful nature and actions, the breeze of the wind drying my tears.

Jean, I am a murderer, who am I to have feelings for someone like you?
Jean, I am a nobody, why am I writing this to you?

​​​​ I shouldn't blame my actions on my upbringing, but I am so upset, always have been. I wasn't given love, and I found that unfair when every other child I met had two loving parents waiting for them back home.
Jean, I know I'm hotheaded, but so are you, so, can I come home, to you, now?

It felt as if it was my only option. My father was abusive, my mom being his most frequent victim. He harmed me occasionally, along with my brother, but it wasn't as serious.

​​​​I thought that, I was doing her a favor back then; now, I'm not so sure.

I never thought that a mistake I did some three years ago would make me feel how I do.

I didn't mean to lie to you,

it still hurts when I think about it.

When I met you and Marco I felt finally in place; as if I had gained a new family. Maybe my sins had been forgiven.

So why would I want to lie to you willingly? The answer is simple;

I wouldn't.

I would never lie to the ones I love, and God, I loved you so much,

but you never understood.

I'm very tired, so please forgive my desperation...
Jean, if there is an ounce of forgiveness in your heart, please grace me with it;
I can be anything you want me to be to you;
Your person,
Or a nobody.
Either way, I'll understand, and I promise I will fulfill that role.
I'm yours if you are willing to give me a second chance I may very well not deserve,
But regardless of your decision,
You're mine.