Once In A While

Chapter 24: The Stars and You

We were losing track of the days and nights, working nonstop outside the walls, ever since we cleared the land of titans. We eventually came to know of people from Marley, including a rather impressive person; Yelena. She stood over two meters tall, her aura magnetizing. She, along with some others, like Onyankopon, agreed to share their technology with us. Yelena claimed that Zeke was in favor of Paradis and had a plan to help us out, and so, constructions around the island started.

They told us about ships and docks, trains, and even zeppelins- large boats that could roam the sky. Hange was so excited when they heard that, earning a kick from Levi once or twice.

Needless to say, we moved in tents nearby the ocean, so as to help the construction of the port, but also take down Marley's ships that were sent our way -Eren mostly did that in his titan form.

It was late at night when Jean came to the tent I shared with the girls, asking me if I wanted to go to the seashore with him. Quite an impulsive proposal it was, but I caved in. It had been a while since we had time to relax, exhausting ourselves on the daily with helping around the port, or guiding the new recruits.

The walk there was silent. Once we reached the shore, we took our coats off, setting them down on the white sand, and sat down next to each other. At first, no words were exchanged; I didn't mind, though. It was a very tranquil moment, and a very rare one, because of that.

"Y/n)... We've known each other for years now... What do you think of me? What... Am I to you?" Jean broke the silence after a couple of minutes, directing a rather out of the blue question to me. One, the answer of which wasn't simple.

"Had you asked me that question a year ago, I would have answered with no hesitation; Jean, you're a comrade, a best friend, family." I paused to take a quick look at him, who was now looking intensely at my own eyes, waiting for me to resume answering his question.

"But now...it's far more complicated than that. The stars, the ocean in front of us...whenever I look at them, I'm reminded of you. It all feels connected to you somehow, in a way I have yet to grasp. To put it simply; everything. That's what you are to me, Jean." I couldn't find the courage to meet his eyes again, so I stared vaguely at the pale moonlight mirrored on the sea's surface.

When he didn't speak for a fair amount of time, I decided to speak up again, so as not to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Well, I do realize that there's no space and time for such things... And I obviously don't expect you to reciprocate my feelings. So I won't pursue anything further than what our current relationship can offer to me; But I want you to know that...My hands are not clean. Maybe they will never be. But I can still wrap them around you when you need someone to lean on, someone to make you feel at home, perhaps." I concluded, words spilling out of my mouth with no second thoughts; I had rumbled on for ages, in hopes of getting him to understand the complexity of my emotions at this given time.

"You know... The day when Trost happened, when me, Marco and the others managed to get back to replenish our gas before you came as well, amongst other things, he asked me to stay by your side, because only then would I be able to be myself. At first I wasn't sure what he was talking about, how could being with someone else make me be myself when I didn't even know who I truly was? I held on to his words all this time; tried to understand what he meant by all that. I didn't, until today. Now I think I do..." He finally said.

I looked at him, a hue of colour splattered on my cheeks, my mouth a subtle agape shape. If I could see myself right now, I'm sure I looked like a small child when its parents praised it for something; that, I hadn't experienced.