Once In A While

Chapter 40:The Scouts

"Hey, you're not giving the old man a hard time now, are you?" I smiled at Falco and Gabi, who pushed Levi on his wheelchair. They both had grown, matured, even, but Gabi's fierce personality was ever present- she was like Eren, in many ways.

"We just wanted to go for a stroll, that's all." Gabi pouted as the wheelchair came to a halt.

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear you calling me an 'old man', (Y/n)." The raven-haired man glared at me.

"Well it's not like you're that young either." I smiled at Gabi who was now snickering, Falco containing himself in order to not offend the former captain.

When I didn't receive the answer, I shook my head and after approaching the three of them, said;

"Anyways, you two can go out, have some fun. I'll take over the grumpy one." I joked, shooing the kids away.

"By the way, I did make you tea, so you cannot complain." I informed him as we reached the kitchen, and I placed his wheelchair in front of the table, his tea steaming in front of him.

"Thank you." He spoke, and immediately brought it to his lips, not minding its hotness.

I mirrored his actions, taking a sip from my own cup. Outside the weather was pretty nice; the sun shone bright, signaling the approach of summer.

"You're still wearing that thing?" He suddenly said, catching me off guard. I followed his gaze, realizing he was referring to my ring.

"Yeah, well, it brings comfort, of some sort. You're not the one to talk here though, you still have Erwin's cape and Hange's stuff." I played it off.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"Oh, I see."

"You're leaving tomorrow?" He asked, and I nodded;

"Yes, but only for two days at most. I asked Gabi and Falco to come over to help you around while I am gone."

"I don't need them brats taking care of me. I can manage." He clicked his tongue, pretending to be annoyed.

"We both know that's a bit of a stretch, plus come on, you know you like them a lot. It's not bad to admit that." I mused, and he sighed.

"I guess they remind me of... My old friends from the Underground."

"See? It's not that bad, opening up once in a while, I mean..."

"Does it ever get... Easier? The grief, I mean. It's been three years now. But it still feels the same as before. And at times it really bothers me, you know? I feel like instead of taking steps forward, I keep backtracking. I've lost many people, but he was... Special to me. Things have never been so swell and I have never felt this much pain ever before." I spoke softly, my gaze falling at my now half empty cup of tea.

"It... Depends, I guess. It doesn't go away. You just get used to living with it. Like a scar, a lost eye. It becomes normality, after a while." He confessed.

"Thank you... For everything, really. I am more than grateful. And I know you probably don't really like any confessions of this sort but... You were like a father to all of us. And I can't thank you enough for that." And it was true; he may not have been good with words, but even back then, and now, his words stuck with me; words about self trust and the process of grief. In a way, even though he was quite closed off, as a coping mechanism, he was the parental figure I lacked, and that was more than enough.

"You're... Welcome. Glad I could help."

"Just know that, we're similar in many ways, so if you need help in any way... I'll be here." I said to him, getting up from my seat.