Once In A While

Chapter 39: Fade Into You

For my (Y/n),

I'll start this off by saying I am not the best at writing things down, so please bear with me, if it turns out to be nonsense.

I am writing this the night before we attack Liberio. You're asleep and I can't help but smile at the calm expression you have on your face as you sleep. Cute.

I also can't help but smile at the thought that once this is all over and we get married, I will be able to call you my wife, officially. I can't wait. And I can't wait to share some peace with you, in our home, away from all this hell that is war. How cool is that, huh? I really am the luckiest man in the world.

And that's because I have you, the bestest of friends I could ever ask for, my favourite person, to share the rest of my life with. I've known you since... forever. I could never imagine my life without you, it'd be pretty empty, wouldn't it?

Sometimes I think back to when we were younger, and regret a lot of things I've done- mostly putting you in danger whenever you had to swoop in and help me out -though I would always think 'she's so badass!!' right afterwards- and I am sorry for putting you through this.

To be honest with you, my feelings for you were not that clear, not before the first time we discovered the ocean. I think it was at that time, when I saw you smiling and playing with Sasha in the waters that I realized I was in love with you, in more than a platonic way. Up until then, I always knew I cared for you deeply, more than anyone, I just didn't know what to do when the thought that I might like you more than a friend crossed my mind.

Though, at nineteen -not that old, are we? You get what I mean- I think that one think I will never ever regret, is to die by your side. Whenever that may be- we don't know, given the nature of the world we live in, so if it's tomorrow, in a month, in ten or sixty years, when we'll be wrinkly and old but still sickly in love with one another, I know I'll be more than content to die with you by my side. It would be the perfect ending to that story of ours, wouldn't it?

Time's passing and I keep rambling about the most random things that come to mind- truth is I am kind of anxious as I told you about tomorrow, but I don't want to burden you with those thoughts and make you even more nervous, not when you're sleeping so peacefully next to me and I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I can call you mine.

We both have done bad things, but to me, you'll never be a bad person (Y/n). Selfish to some, but I don't want you to feel bad about your past- we can't change it, so we have to embrace it and just try to grow from it.

I don't know since when I started sounding like Commander Erwin, with those fragments of wisdom or whatever that last line was, but it is kind of funny, isn't it?

I think I should probably wrap this up and get some sleep, too. Not before I tell you write to you, how much I love you; because I do, more than words could ever express, and I promise you once this is all over, we'll spend a day at the sea, because you love that place, and I love what you love.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but whatever it is, I will face it, and regardless of the outcome, I will always be there for you.

Love,

Jean.

PS. I am sorry for writing this behind that old letter you had given to me when we fell out, I didn't want to disturb you by moving too much, and this was the first sheet of paper I found in my drawer. Definitely didn't keep it ever since then.