Once In A While

Chapter 23: One Day

It wasn't that long ago when time felt different. I don't know how or why, but it felt as if there was more to it. As if we had more time in our hands, more time to spend with each other.

​​​​​​ How naive had I been to take everything for granted. We all knew, ever since that day in 845, that nothing was forever; everything, including our very own selves was finite.

Yet I somehow managed to forget that in the way; too busy going through vigorous training with the rest of the 104th training corps cadets, and admittedly having fun a lot when situation allowed it, I forgot that this was no permanence.

On the first day of training, there were lots of unfamiliar faces surrounding me,

On the anniversary of our first year, a lot of familiar ones,

But as the three year mark came around and it was time for us to join a military branch, a lot of us had departed, not to visit home, but from this world in its entirety.

---

The ride back to the base was peaceful, though not that quick. Still, I managed to made it back just before dusk. I let my horse rest in the stables, and then made my way to the entrance, only to find two of my comrades conversing at the steps.

"Hello, you two!" I waved at them as I tiredly walked towards them.

Jean, who was sitting at the steps talking to Floch who was standing with his back turned to me, got up, surprised at my arrival.

"You're back early," he pointed out, meeting me halfway through.

"Yeah well, did I make it back in time for dinner? I'm kind of starving." I laughed it off.

"I'll be inside." Floch said to us and after a small wave on his part, he left.

"So, did I miss anything?" I asked Jean who was now standing in front of me.

"Well, apart from Sasha's temper tantrums about not eating meat for every single meal, not much." He smiled.

"As expected," I laughed slightly. "How have you been, Jean?"

"Me? Fine, I guess. Not much changed. How was your trip? Everything okay?"

"I will tell you after dinner. Now let's go inside, it's getting kinda cold out here." I spoke, and we entered the barracks, settling down at the mess hall, where we were alone, for dinner had already been served. Still, Jean stayed by my side, keeping me company.

"My mom's engaged to someone new. She's also moved to the inner city." I finally said after finishing my meal.

"What?" He said, taken aback.

"Yeah well, I didn't know, so I went to our cabin. But another lady lived there, she told me about it then gave me an old letter. It had her address, so I paid her a visit. She... She said some things that made me feel kind of bad, honestly." I confessed, drawing circles on the table's surface with my fingers.

"Want to tell me?" He said eagerly, scooting closer to me.

"She didn't clarify if she accepted my apology, but that's not really the problem. She made it seem as if I was a burden compared to my brother and it kind of hurt, you know? Like I get it, she can be resentful all she wants, that's justified, but could she really consider a kid a burden?" I craddled my head in my hands.

"You're not a burden..." He said in a gentle manner, caressing my back. He was a very dynamic character, so seeing him acting gently wasn't an often sight.

"I know, but still... I can't help but think that maybe she was right."

"(Y/n), this woman may have been your biological mother, but I think that's were it kind of stops. I mean, we've been together for years now, I think we all know you much better than what she does. And I can assure you you're not a burden or hard to be around. So don't sulk about it, okay?" He spoke up, and I looked back into his honey coloured eyes.

"You're such a softie sometimes, you know that? Acting all tough in front of Eren to seem superior but that's not you." I changed the subject in a matter of seconds.

"What's that supposed to mean! Now, I thought we were talking about you. Don't try to get out of it." He rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"I know, I know!" I sighed, turning my body to face him fully.

"You really should get some sleep. Your eyes are halfway closing. You're barely able to keep them open." He said in a serious manner.

"That's true, I have to admit it." I said, acknowledging my exhausted state.

"As you should, dummy."

"When it comes to wits, Jean, I think I'm not the one lacking them but you're not ready for that conversation yet." I mockingly said, getting up.

He escorted me back to my bedroom, the occasional mocking comment being thrown here and there. As we reached the door, I hoped he would stick around for a tad longer. I had come to terms with the fact that, Jean, my best friend, made butterflies linger in my stomach. Maybe they always had been there, but I was too preoccupied with other matters to notice them, but they had become extremely evident now, and it was hard to ignore them.

"Well, I better get going. Good night (Y/n), I'll see you tomorrow." He spoke softly, looking down at me.

I nodded, and as he was about to leave, I abruptly said,

"Jean!" But then immediately regretted it.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning his head to look at me.

"Nothing... Sleep well!" I awkwardly tried to cover up the fact that I may or may not have just considered confessing my feelings to him.

"You too." He smiled and then left.

I sighed, closing the door behind me. Maybe one day I'd stop cowering last minute and actually express whatever this feeling was.