The meaning of protecting you with my life

Blame, anger and resignation

„Jiang Cheng!"

The sect heir of the Yunmeng Jiang sect immediately recognized the voice calling him from a distance. Why was Wei Wuxian here? Had he not already left to selfishly safe him own skin and hide from Wen Chao's wrath who knew where? Why did he come back all of the sudden? Had his previous outburst made his brother realize where his place should be?

Jiang Cheng was confused and he did not even realize he had slowed in his run and that his brother had caught up to him before he had been stopped by a hand around his shoulders. A red hot anger immediately flared in him. Why was Wei Wuxian stopping him? They should both run as fast as they could to Lotus Pier, to save his parents. And yet, his brother was hindering him in his way for some reason.

He swiftly turned around, determined to lose another second with Wei Wuxian and to depart again immediately.

He was taken aback when he saw his brother let go of him but only to lower his head as if in defeat. What was he doing now? Was he finally regretting ever angering Wen Chao and painting a target on the back of the whole Yunmeng Jiang sect? Well it was too late now! He did not want to hear any apologies, he only wanted to be in Lotus Pier already, by his parents' side, helping them clear up the mess that Wei Wuxian had caused this time.

He stilled. Why should he even be surprised at this point? It had always been like this, his brother causing trouble and him having to deal with them. But this time was different; it was not a harmless prank, there were lives at stake here. Lives of his parents and of all the Yunmeng Jiang sect disciples!

In the corner of his mind, one that he was not ready to acknowledge at the moment, he knew that it was not all only Wei Wuxian's fault. His brother did not bring soldiers to attack his home. No, it was Wen Chao and the Qishan Wen sect. But he needed someone to blame for all of this right now, and the Qishan Wen sect or her second heir were too out of reach currently. Wei Wuxian was not.

As his brother was just standing there, without any intent to follow him to Lotus Pier apparently, Jiang Cheng felt tears well up in his eyes again. He was overwhelmed, he had so much to do and he felt so alone. His chest hurt so badly that it was hard to breathe.

Suddenly, he could not bear it anymore, he needed an outlet for the emotions which were crushing him, and there was one just in front of him.

He grabbed the front of Wei Wuxian's robes and started shaking him violently, just as he had done on the boat while screaming his pain out: "Wei Wuxian! It is all your fault! Why did you save those guys? Are you happy now? They are safe but my family is not, my sect is not! You just had to play a hero, did you not? Now my parents may already be dead and you stand here as if nothing happened... You ruined my family again..."

He let go of his brother's robes and his voice trailed out into silence. He sobbed, only once but even he could hear how broken the sound was. Yes, his parents may already be dead and he was standing here, arguing with his stupid brother and losing precious time.

He abruptly turned around and started running at top speed again. It was harder this time since the tears he had been holding in had finally spilled onto his cheeks, making his vision blurry.

He did not even take five steps and Wei Wuxian was at his side again, stopping him once more. Jiang Cheng felt his vision turn red this time, completely overtaken by anger. He lost all common sense and he was barely aware of what he was doing or what Wei Wuxian was saying: "Jiang Cheng, you cannot go back. It is too dangerous. Madame Yu and Uncle Jiang asked me to take good care of you. You must not go back!"

Jiang Cheng had had enough. Here was Wei Wuxian again, keeping him from going to his parents' side. Before he realized what he was doing, he raised his hand and slapped his brother in order to rid himself of his grip. He put all his anger and frustration into the blow so he was not surprised to see his brother fall down.

Wei Wuxian looked at him with incredibly wide eyes calling his name again: "Jiang Cheng..."

He had had enough of his brother begging and telling him he should not do this or do that, not when all of this situation had been caused by him in the first place. He lost his senses completely this time, the last thing he remembered was throwing himself at Wei Wuxian and barking: "Shut up!"

When he came back to his senses, he was panting heavily. It took him a while to realize that he was sitting on top of his brother, his hands on his neck, apparently choking him. Jiang Cheng felt something snapping inside of him, as if all his stretched out being and common sense came back to him at once. He immediately let go and watched his hands in utter shock.

He had not meant to attack his brother, not like this, not now and not ever. His mind was completely blank now, he could not even think straight at the moment. His brother was gasping for breath underneath him, his face deathly pale and his eyes half closed.

Oh so slowly Jiang Cheng shifted his weight and all but fell to the side. He continued staring at his hands, still in a complete shock. It started raining and he was glad that it would hide the hot tears he could feel streaming down his cheeks.

He did not even glance at Wei Wuxian when he heard a surprising but unmistakeable sound of silent sobbing. It must have been his brother. Jiang Cheng felt so drained that he could not find it in himself to care anymore. Logically, he should apologize, he should help the other up and check if he was alright, he should continue running towards Lotus Pier to save his parents. However, he had no energy to do either. He could only lay on his back, crying his eyes out and bawling like a small child.

He did not know how long he had stayed there like that, ignoring the cruel world around him. At some point, it had stopped raining, which was fine, he had no more tears to shed, no more pain to hide.

He was disturbed from his lethargy by a hoarse voice he barely recognized as his brother's: "Jiang Cheng... You cannot go back. Shijie is waiting for you. She is sick, she needs you..."

The words took a while to sink in, it was hard for him to care about anything right now. Finally, he understood, his sister needed him, more than his parents did, he had to go back to her. He had spent so much time already; the battle of Lotus Pier must have been long decided. After all, when he had started running, it had almost been dark and now the sun was high up in the skies, it must have already been at least a day from the first attack.

When he slowly lifted his head with unparalleled effort, he saw that his brother was extending his hand towards him in a clear offer of help. After a second, the other reached for him and tugged at his hand to help him stand up. Although Jiang Cheng had no energy for anything, he did not take hold of the offered hand, he only limply let his own slide away from it.

He could clearly see bruises on Wei Wuxian's cheek and on his neck where he had hurt him, he did not want to touch him again in fear that his anger would once again take the best of him. No, it was better if he ignored his brother for a bit and calmed down first.