The meaning of protecting you with my life

Strength

Yu Ziyuan was sitting in her husband's embrace. She was still trembling as a leaf but her tears had long dried. She was on pins and needles because ever since the battle started, there had been many news about the development on the battlefield but there were none about her children. She had no idea how Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were doing and she felt her anguish rise with each passing second.

Should they not be already back? Had something happened to them? Had the rescue operation been successful or were her children facing a terrible danger, maybe Wen Ruohan himself, while she was sitting here, comfortably huddled in Jiang Fengmian's arms? The fact that Jiang Yanli was running around in circles, checking that they were prepared continuously while being completely quiet and not even shooting them a single glance, was not making her any calmer.

She felt like her daughter was judging her for causing all of this. And it had truly been her fault, at least the situation regarding Wei Wuxian. She would not go as far as blaming herself for the war as such, that one was entirely on the Qishan Wen sect leader's shoulders. Nevertheless, I had been her who had groomed Wei Wuxian into the person who he was now, someone who would truly sacrifice his own life in exchange for theirs.

Finally, she could really not bear it anymore and she disentangled herself from her husband's side and stood up resolutely. Even knowing that she would probably be of no help, she still had to do something. It was her children they were taking about!

Jiang Yanli's eyes immediately landed on her and Yu Ziyuan was taken aback. Not because they were red from all the crying both of them had done, but she stopped frozen still realizing that her daughter was looking at her with determination in her eyes, and strength she had never seen her express before. It was so unexpected that she actually took half a step back before realizing that she should be the one holding herself together and not put the burden onto Jiang Yanli.

She straightened her spine, something she now barely remembered how to do after more than half a year of captivity and her eyes became clear and hard as steel. Only her heart was still tender and raw, so much unlike the time before the fall of Lotus Pier. It was the best she could muster at the moment and she could only hope that her reputation as the Purple Spider would conceal the rest that her will could not.

She had changed, for the better she thought, and she did not really want to go back, at least not entirely. She had to be strong and relentless, that was true, but that sternness and coldness should not apply to her own family, not anymore. Once she had realized she had feelings inside of her, love for her family and so much more, she just could not treat them the same way she had been all this while.

But it was fine, no one could see into her heart, it was her behaviour that everyone would judge. And she made sure that she appeared as strong and prideful as she had had been before all of this. It was hard and she did not really feel too comfortable in her own skin, however, if it meant that she would convince Jiang Yanli to let her go, it would all be worth it.

She looked Jiang Yanli directly into her eyes and half commanded half begged: "A-Li, I need to go out there, I need to check that everything is going according to the plan. They should have already been here, or send a word. I have to go."

"Mother," started Jiang Yanli, not unkindly but still with much more authority than Yu Ziyuan would have expected from her. Where had her sweet and obedient little girl gone? "We have already discussed this, you cannot go outside. You would be of no help to A-Xian in your current condition. Remember, you could not even wield Zidian this morning! And you have tried several times too. Please, just stay here and wait. A-Cheng and A-Xian will surely be back any minute now."

Her daughter seemed to have changed as well. She was no longer meek of easily influences and ordered around. She seemed to have gone through her own share of hardships which had steeled her much in the same way as Yu Ziyuan. Then again, she mused, it was perhaps the standard for a female cultivator in these times. They could not afford to show weakness unless they wanted the men to underestimate them and not take them seriously when important matters were discussed.

She was proud of her but she still had to get her point across: "A-Li, I need to..."

She never finished her sentence because she had been interrupted by noise at the door. She quickly turned around to see who dared to interrupt such a moment and her eyes filled with tears once again. This time however, she held them back.

The intruder was a very flustered and worried Nie Huisang coming inside and holding the door open so that others behind him could enter as well. There were three people in total, looking very dishevelled, hurried and in an extreme distress. Jiang Cheng came inside first, holding one hand of Wei Wuxian's who in turn was being held by Lan Wangji. Had it been any other situation, Yu Ziyuan would have reprimanded them for being improper. But not right now.

It was clear that Wei Wuxian needed medical attention, and quickly. She took in his body's condition in just a single glance and was horrified to see that his chest was barely moving. His robes were non-existent at this point, just torn and dirty rags. Between their pieces, she could see dried blood from the many wounds she had not known her son had sustained. And his face was deathly pale, as if he was already half way gone to the other side.

Without even sparing one thought, she immediately strode towards the new group and reached out for Wei Wuxian. Her hand was trembling and she hesitated for the shortest of moments, unsure if she had any right to touch him after all she had made him go through. That hesitation was short lived through because the next heartbeat, she was already clutching Wei Wuxian's hand – the one that her other son was not holding onto – in hers and passing spiritual energy.

She only realized at that point that there was probably no use to it as Wei Wuxian had no golden core anymore. However, seeing how Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji were doing the same thing, it could not have been a bad idea. She gently prodded while circulating her spiritual energy herself and the tears she had been holding back were once again threatening to come out.

She could tell even at the first contact that Wei Wuxian's condition was dire, life threatening in fact. She redoubled her efforts, cursing herself for ever hurting the boy with Zidian, she could still feel the wounds were not fully healed. And of course they were not; Wei Wuxian had no golden core to take care of them and he had not had any medical help before this either, at least from what Jiang Cheng had told them.

No one in the room moved, too shocked to do anything really. It was only now that Yu Ziyuan registered how exhausted both Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji were, they must have been keeping Wei Wuxian alive all this time, ever since rescuing him. Both their faces were stained with still damp tears and Yu Ziyuan realized that she could not crumble. They were all just children, and they were looking at her for guidance and reassurance. She had to be the adult here.

It was all it took for Yu Ziyuan to gather herself and to push the tears away from her eyes. She had to be strong for her children, enough with her half broken persona from one hour ago. There would be time for her to crumble and seek her husband's comfort, but not right now, only after Wei Wuxian would be taken care of and out of danger.

"Second Young Master Lan, please put A-Ying on the bed. A-Li, do not stand there shocked, come, he needs you."