The meaning of protecting you with my life

Price of freedom

"Your Excellency, he has no golden core anymore. There is nothing for me to melt."

Yu Ziyuan was watching the scene taking place before her and she was shocked speechless. She could not believe that Wei Wuxian would willingly walk to Wen Zhuliu to have his golden core melted. For a cultivator, not even talking about one as strong as Wei Wuxian, losing their golden core was like losing part of their being, literally losing their future and life purpose.

She had heard, and also seen it on several occasions, about cultivator who had been attacked by the Core Melting Hand and had become completely useless and lifeless. Not only did they had to give up on cultivation altogether since they could no longer use the spiritual energy, they could also not use a sword anymore, be it because their bodies had become fragile and too weak to wield it or because they could not stand to be reminded of what they had lost. She had even witnessed a few cases when the cultivators gave up on life completely, either retiring into seclusion or having to be supported by their families and friends even for everyday activities or taking their own lives.

She could not even start to imagine how losing a golden core one had been cultivating their whole life would feel. It was not only the thought of losing one's achievement but also the realization they would never again be able to strive for the top. After their golden core was melted, they would become normal people, mediocre, susceptible to injuries and illnesses and with a much shorter lifespan than proper cultivators, even the ones with very weak golden cores.

She was pretty much sure that she would not be able to bear it. She felt slightly ashamed but she had to admit to herself that she would probably hesitate even if it was to safe her husband or her own children; a golden core was basically a lifeline for a cultivator. One, that Wei Wuxian was just now willingly giving away in order to save her and her family.

Tears spilled out of her eyes. It was just as she had feared; the boy had taken her words way too seriously and was now giving up his own life to protect them. Well, certainly his life as a cultivator, but probably also his life in the literal meaning of the word. She doubted that Wen Ruohan would let him live just like that. Even if he had promised to join his side which Yu Ziyuan still had a hard time to believe.

It had truly been her fault all this time, she had been too harsh on him, too demanding. Pressing the boy when it was not even needed and making him believe this strongly that his life was completely unimportant if it was not used for protecting and saving the family which had taken him in. How many times had she told him that he had a life debt to repay to them? Too many times, she could not even count them.

She should have never said those words to a child who could barely understand them. She had broken Wei Wuxian even before Wen Zhuliu had touched him; and with her own hand no less!

And then it hit her. The Core Melting Hand had said that there was no golden core for him to melt. Surely if he had done his job properly, he would have used other words to inform Wen Ruohan about the success of his mission. Also, Wei Wuxian had been too calm and too unaffected by Wen Zhuliu's touch. She had heard more than once that having one's golden core melted was a pure agony.

What could that mean? She was strangely distressed, there was something just outside of her reach, like a word she was searching for and which she knew was just on the tip of her tongue, yet she could not really remember it. She tried to calm herself at least for a second so she could try to understand what was bugging her so much.

The pieces of the puzzle were coming together only slowly, as if her mind was refusing to paste the whole picture together. Wen Zhuliu said that there was no golden core for him to melt when he touched Wei Wuxian. The boy was not acting as if his whole world had just crumbled or as if he was in a lot of pain. Wen Zhuliu was looking pensively at Wei Wuxian standing in front of him. Wei Wuxian has started suddenly using demonic cultivation. There really was something weird in all of this.

Suddenly, everything became clear.

Wen Ruohan seemed just as surprised as Yu Ziyuan and he asked the question she herself could not bear to even think about: "He has no golden core? Had you melted it before?"

Wen Zhuliu's face finally cleared, realization clear in his eyes: "Yes. It was him who had thrown himself at me during the battle of Lotus Pier."

Yu Ziyuan stopped breathing and she was not sure she would ever be able to start again. It all came back to her. How she watched Wei Wuxian pushing Jiang Cheng out of the way in the throne room back in Lotus Pier, it almost seemed like a lifetime ago to her. How the boy had been hit by Wen Zhuliu and flew out into the courtyard. How she had only paid attention to Jiang Cheng and never so much as checked Wei Wuxian's condition.

She already knew she should have done so, she had known that the boy had been injured, if not by Wen Zhuliu, then by herself only minutes before that when she had whipped him with her spiritual weapon. She had actually overlooked all that and her last words to the wounded and shaken boy who had just lost his golden core had been to basically die while protecting her children. And died he would have because he had no means to actually protect them, not while being injured and in pain, only a weak child as any other, not a strong cultivator anymore.

Yet, here he was. After beating all the odds, not letting himself succumb to despair and achieving the impossible as a true member of the Yunmeng Jiang clan. She should have been proud of him, scared for his life in this situation, she should be wailing and begging Wen Ruohan to let her child go. However, all that she could feel anymore was guilt. Only soul crashing, endless guilt that she would never be able to express. It was all her fault, she had made the boy suffer the most, even more than Wen Ruohan himself or the war.

She wanted to kneel in front of him and apologize to him until her voice would go hoarse and disappear and her knees would give out under her, until he would forgive her. Yet she knew this was no longer possible, they would all most probably die here. Moreover, she did not actually feel like she had any right to even apologize and beg for forgiveness, her sins were too numerous and too grave to ever be forgiven.

Like in a dream, her vision distorted by her tears, she observed how Wen Ruohan stood up, his face red with anger. "What is the meaning of this, Wei Wuxian?" he thundered, making her whole being shake in fear.

"Your Excellency," the boy tried to save the situation despite how hopeless it seemed, "please let me show my loyalty to you in any other way. I still want to join your side and the Qishan Wen sect."

Wei Wuxian turned his back towards the room and faced the Qishan Wen sect leader, seemingly without any fear. It was making sense too, there was nothing he could do to save the situation if he started panicking. Yu Ziyuan was now hoping that Wen Ruohan would just accept his offer and make him a member of the Qishan Wen sect, at least that way, the boy would probably survive all of this.

She did not care about her own life anymore; she would gladly give it up in exchange for Wei Wuxian's. That would only be right after all the sacrifices the boy had made because of the words she had not stopped putting in his head all the time he had lived in Lotus Pier. She had failed him on so many occasions that she did not deserve even one look from him ever again. She closed her eyes and did nothing to stop her tears anymore.