The meaning of protecting you with my life

Anything for you

Lan Wangji felt like he had already lost his mind due to worries and desperate need to check on Wei Ying. The image of his husband laying lifelessly on the ground was too much for him, he had to make sure that Wei Ying was alright, that he was still breathing, that he was alive and he had not come too late.

For the whole week, he held himself back only because Nie Huisang had repeatedly reassured him that his beloved was fine and that he wanted to keep on fighting. However, seeing Wei Ying now, this broken and pale, this still, he was regretting not doing anything earlier. Surely there had been something he could have done.

No matter, he could not change the past, he should live in the present and look forward to the future. Hopefully there was still some with Wei Ying in it. Now that the wall of resentful energy had fallen, he needed to be by his beloved's side. He literally flew over the remnants of the dissipating resentment, his target in sight and approaching.

Lan Wangji fell onto his knees right beside his unconscious husband and slowly extended his shaking hand to touch him and check if he was breathing. At first, he could not feel anything on his fingers, no air touched them as he was holding them under Wei Ying's nose. His heart stopped and he pressed his hand closer.

He almost melted in relief and his heart started racing violently when he finally felt the faintest sign of breathing. It was a lot less regular and deep than he would like but it was a definite proof that his husband was still alive, stubbornly clinging to life. He did not even think twice and he was already transferring spiritual energy, pushing everything he had into Wei Ying's still and cold body.

He cradled the younger boy in his lap and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. He would have liked to pick him up into his arms immediately and head to the camp seeking medical help. But he was afraid that his husband was too weak to be moved right now, it could do him more bad than good. So he concentrated on providing spiritual energy and hopefully making Wei Ying stronger before they would move him.

Jiang Cheng fell onto his knees beside him and was taking everything in, his eyes watching every inch of Wei Ying's body, probably looking for any life threatening injuries. His expression was so distorted in worry and horror that Lan Wangji would not have recognized him if he did not already know it was him.

It took an eternity before anything else happened. Lan Wangji's eyes never strayed from Wei Ying's face as he was looking for any signs of colour returning to his cheeks or the tiniest relaxing of his pained and stiff expression. He did not even look at Jiang Cheng when the other whispered, his voice hardly above a whisper, full of pain, but hopeful.

"Is... Is he alive?"

It took another eternity for Lan Wangji to nod his head in response, he did not trust his voice right now. He felt tears running down from his eyes and he just knew that everything, all his pain and heartbreak, would be heard if he opened his mouth. Even though Jiang Cheng was already like a family to him, Wei Ying was his husband after all, he could still not stand the thought of showing himself this vulnerable and crumbling in front of him.

He just focused on his task of delivering spiritual energy. He had already known that it would be hard with the younger boy having no golden core to keep the power inside of him and circulate it around. But he had not imagined it would feel like this. He hated to have to circulate his spiritual energy through the empty meridians with his own power.

He hated how when he reached, mostly unconsciously, towards the place where there had previously been a bright light and gentle warmth, there was now nothing but empty space calling out for him. He suddenly recalled how he had been giving spiritual energy to Wei Ying in the Cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter and how the other's golden core had then been singing and responding to him even though Wei Ying had been close to death. Nothing like that was happening now, there was only cold emptiness filled with resentful energy that Lan Wangji had to push through to even be able to do anything at all.

And the worst part was that Wei Ying was still hardly breathing and he was oh so still and cold. It looked like he was already dead or at least approaching the gates of another life at alarming speed. He was slipping from Lan Wangji's grasp and he did not know what else he could do.

He was silently begging his beloved to come back to him. He had not yet had an opportunity to tell him how he felt about him!

Suddenly, Wei Ying's eyelids fluttered and then opened the tiniest bit. Lan Wangji could not tell if he was now conscious or if he was imagining it. Still he tried to attract his beloved's attention in hopes to confirm for good that he was alright, or at least as fine as he could be under the circumstances.

"Wei Ying?" he asked carefully and his heart skipped a beat when the other's eyes shifted towards him and his lips twitched upwards.

"Lan... Zhan... love.. sing... a song..."

His voice disappeared as if he was too weak to even keep himself conscious for another moment. Then his eyes fell closed again and he became completely still just like before. The phantom smile he had almost managed to put on his lips was nowhere to be seen again and Lan Wangji was mourning the loss.

Lan Wangji was overjoyed when the first thing he heard from his husband's mouth was his name. Still, Wei Ying's voice was a breathy, a hardly audible whisper really, and Lan Wangji regretted that he could not hear every single word. At least he understood the most important part, or so he hoped.

It reminded him of the time they had both spent in the Cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter again. At that time, Wei Ying had also been weak and delirious with fever. But Lan Wangji still remembered his request. His beloved had asked him to sing him a song and he had done that. He had hummed and played for him the song he had composed just for him, the only expression of his confused feelings he could have mustered at that point.

Now he knew better. The song was actually his heartfelt confession to his husband. And Wei Ying was asking him to sing it to him again. Of course he would do that, it was the least that he could do if it would help Wei Ying to keep fighting for his life. Just like before.

He leaned down and kissed his beloved's forehead which was sticky with sweat and dirt; he did not mind at all. Then he cradled the younger boy closer to himself until Wei Ying's head was safely tugged against his collarbone and his ear was just beside Lan Wangji's mouth. He started humming the song that his beloved had requested.

Tears were still streaming out of his eyes and he was silently praying for Wei Ying to come back to him. He wanted to do more, so much more but it seemed like this was the only thing he could do right now.

"What are you doing! We need to get him to a healer right away! Giving him spiritual energy will not help without a golden core."

Lan Wangji was startled from his thoughts by Jiang Cheng's urgent voice. Despite the Yunmeng Jiang sect heir's words, he was already holding Wei Ying's free hand and passing his own spiritual energy, helping Lan Wangji circulate it around.

Then everything happened fast. Lan Wangji cradled Wei Ying tighter into his embrace and stood up, helped by the Yunmeng Jiang sect heir. They both continued to pass their spiritual energy in a desperate hope that it would help at least a little bit. With resolute strides, he headed out of the room, careful not to jostle his husband too much. He never stopped humming the song as tears were falling down from his eyes incessantly, dripping onto Wei Ying's pale face.