The meaning of protecting you with my life

Wei Wuxian is found

Jiang Yanli had been searching through Lotus Pier for what felt like hours. She had been sure that her brother would not have left without at least saying goodbye so at she had this thought to comfort her if nothing else. This, and her fiancé who came to find her shortly after she had run from her room in distress after being told that Wei Wuxian had disappeared.

She did not like that there could be any number of people only waiting for her brother to come out of his room unguarded so they could snatch him away from them. She knew that they should have explained all the dangers to him earlier but they wanted him to have a peaceful and easy recovery. Now, she could only hope that it was not yet too late and they would find Wei Wuxian safe and sound.

The most worrying part was that her brother had not taken his flute with him but his swords instead. He was now nearly completely defenceless. He was still quite weak from what she could have seen and without his spiritual tool, she was not sure he would be able to fend off an assassin or a kidnapper. Or anyone who would want him harm because of his unorthodox path of cultivation. There were countless possibilities and her brother was facing them without a weapon. For she did not consider his sword a weapon now, not when he could not really use his due to his missing golden core.

She had to wonder though why he had even taken it in the first place. She had heard from Jiang Cheng that he had refused to so much as look at it properly during the war. Why was he carrying it around now after all that time? She had a bad feeling.

This dread only intensified when she and Jin Zixuan finally found him in the training ground. He was standing there alone with his sword drawn. He was not holding it upright, instead, he was leaning heavily on it as if he could not quite stand on his own. Jiang Yanli felt horrified at the image. Wei Wuxian looked extremely exhausted as he just stood there and was catching his breath. Had he been trying to wield his sword despite the fact that he no longer could?

At last, her brother put Suibian back to its scabbard, very slowly and not with his usual grace. The movement looked like it was painful for him. Jiang Yanli was sure that it was not only the fact that he must have overexerted himself and was probably hurting all over. This pain seemed to have been coming from somewhere deep down, from his very soul.

Jiang Yanli could think about several possibilities why he would do that and none of them was making her any more at ease. Jin Zixuan who had been walking by her side all this while seemed to have not understood the severity of the situation and called out to her brother: "Wei Wuxian!"

The Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple flinched badly and immediately turned around, swaying a little bit while doing so. What Jiang Yanli saw in his face right then would haunt her for the rest of her days. She had hardly ever seen such terrified expression, and surely not on her brother. What was even worse was that Wei Wuxian reached for his flute which was not at his waist and when he realized it, he took two steps back from them, apparently not recognizing them and just trying to get away from the potential threat.

Jiang Yanli's eyes filled with tears at once. She quickly grabbed Jin Zixuan's hand so he would not come any closer to Wei Wuxian and cautiously took one step closer to him instead. She completely ignored wisps of resentful energy which were now surrounding the demonic cultivator, apparently in a desperate attempt to shield him from whatever could mean any danger. Jiang Yanli was not sure if he had consciously summoned them or if the resentful energy inside of him was just acting on its own, but it did not really matter. She could tell that her brother was only trying to protect himself.

"A-Xian, it is me, your sister. Everything is fine, you are safe."

She was walking very slowly towards him, one step at a time, while she was still talking to him, keeping her voice gentle and steady despite wanting to start crying and hide in Jin Zixuan's arms. Her brother needed her to be strong now.

When she was only a few steps away from him, holding her breath as she could already feel the resentful energy in the air, her brother's eyes finally focused on her.

"Shijie?" he asked. And oh was his voice vulnerable and small. Like all those times he had been a young boy and was looking for her after one of his nightmares. It was breaking her heart to see him like this. Luckily, the resentful energy dispersed into thin air as soon as recognition bloomed in his eyes.

"Yes, A-Xian, it is me."

"Shijie!" Now it sounded half like a sob and half like an exclamation which Wei Wuxian would try to give her to let her know he was happy to see her. Jiang Yanli was sure that if he had been in just a tiniest bit of a better shape, he would have smiled at her to hide all his hurt. Now, he was unable to do so.

She took the last few steps to him and gathered him in her arms. It felt a little bit ridiculous since she was way smaller than him but she would never do otherwise. Wei Wuxian stood still for a fraction of a second before succumbing to her embrace and burying his face into her shoulder. He put his hands around her in turn and was holding onto her as if she was his last lifeline. She patted his back and let him gather himself.

"Shijie..." he called her for a third time and now it sounded apologetic.

Jiang Yanli patted the back of his head and asked gently: "A-Xian, why do you not give me your sword? I can tell you are not ready to carry it around just yet."

She did not want to outright say that he would never be able to do so again. She did not want to upset him any more than he already was. It surprised her when he immediately unglued himself from her and put his sword into her hands way faster than she had expected. To top it off, he did not look like he was regretting giving it away or unwilling to do so. Instead, he seemed relieved to have Suibian as far from him as he could.

This only strengthened Jiang Yanli's suspicion that he had not gone training with a clear mind. He must have been either forcing himself or he had been perhaps hoping to be able to somehow reconnect with his sword even without his golden core. Either way, now he looked happy to stop trying.

"A-Xian..." she started, determined to get the truth out of him. How could she help him if she did not know the reason for his decision?

He must have sensed that she wanted to do just that because he interrupted her before she could finish her sentence: "Shijie, I am fine. I just wanted to try, that is all." His laughter was in no way happy and Jiang Yanli had to squint at how false and forced it sounded.

She frowned at him a little, her expression serious now, the same one she would always use for scolding her brothers. Despite her slightly menacing exterior, her voice remained quiet and concerned, coaxing even: "A-Xian. Why did you take off just like that? Did you really only wanted to try? Or had you perhaps thought that you had to?"

The way Wei Wuxian averted his eyes and suddenly stopped smiling, even that fake one he ha been giving her until now, told her that she had been right all along. He must have been pushing himself once again, most probably because he thought that he had to protect his family or the Yunmeng Jiang sect in this way. Had he perhaps somehow come to learn about the terms of the agreement for his stay here as the Lanling Jin sect was seeing it?

She sighed internally to herself. There was a conversation between Wei Wuxian and the rest of the family which was long overdue at this point it would seem.