The meaning of protecting you with my life

Such a nice dream

Note: This chapter is dealing with Wei Wuxian still believing he is dead (the description is not terribly explicit though), please be warned and proceed at your own discretion 

When Wei Wuxian's consciousness came back to him again, he left his eyes closed this time. It was less of a shock than the first time but it was still surprising him to no end that he was allowed to be here. He had never hoped that he would get another chance to hopefully see his family again. Because he wanted to believe that he was here and now only to be able to say his apologies and goodbyes.

He felt incomparably better this time around. The resentful energy was not shouting in his ears right now and it was as if it was almost tamed or something. It was just in the back of his mind, but it was not clouding his judgement or trying to take over. If anything, he actually felt content and he did not want to go back to the pitch black loneliness and emptiness of the death, at least not just yet.

He let himself be soothed by the lovely tones of that special song he loved so much for a while, calm encompassing him and wrapping his mind in a protective cocoon as if the melody was a blanket that someone had wrapped around him to keep him warm and safe. If this was just another dream, he did never want to wake up from it. He was so happy that tears spilled out of his eyes and he could feel them making their way down his cheeks.

Suddenly, the music stopped and he was immediately missing it. He frowned a little and opened his eyes, hoping for it to return. He did not even know why he thought that it would come back if he did no longer pretend to be unconscious, but he had an urge to look and try to see who had been playing. Last time, it had been Lan Zhan, but surely he could not be so lucky to be dreaming about him at a time like this.

He was looking up at the ceiling and it was slightly familiar, he had already seen it before. His frown deepened as he was trying to remember where he was. Then it hit him, he recalled the exact same ceiling from the last time he had woken up and saw his Shijie. And he also remembered that he had used to have the same structure of the wood on the ceiling of his own room back when Lotus Pier was still not burned down.

Could he be back there? Could it be possible that he was for some reason revisiting his memories of the old days? Could it be that his dream of Jiang Yanli had also been just a pleasant memory of one of the many times he had woken up to find her at his bedside, taking care of him and offering him her soup? The nostalgia made his tears run down even faster.

He only realized that he was not alone in the room when he heard a concerned voice he had been longing for: "Wei Ying?"

It took him a lot of effort to turn his head and scan the room for where his hallucination could be. It was not because he was so tired or hurting too much to move anymore, it was because he was dreading to not find him and to be left all alone with only a memory of Lan Zhan's voice.

He was terribly confused though; he could not understand why he was imagining the Second Young Master of the Gusu Lan sect at a moment like this. And especially because if this was a memory of the time before the fall of Lotus Pier, he had not thought about Lan Zhan too much at that time. He had only started to look out for his every move after his time in the Burial Mounds when he had been searching for a kind-hearted soul of his friend because that particular memory had kept him going.

His eyes did not have to search for long, it actually shocked him to not only find Lan Zhan inside his room, but to realize that the Second Jade was in fact standing at the side of his bed and was now reaching out his hand to wipe away Wai Wuxian's tears. It was so out of place for Lan Zhan to do something like this – did he not hate him for his use of demonic cultivation anymore? – that he just let the other do what he wanted, not moving a muscle besides staring at Lan Zhan's face nonstop and taking in every detail.

He was glad that he had not forgotten how the Second Jade looked. But how could he? It was this exact knowledge and Lan Zhan's song which kept him going whenever he felt like giving up. As if his lips had their own will, he could feel them shaping into a happy smile.

"Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan repeated, this time with even more worry and concern in his voice.

"Lan Zhan..." he whispered, his own voice raspy with disuse and barely audible even to himself. Still, the Second Jade must have heard him because he nodded, as if in response. Wei Wuxian's throat was dry and speaking hurt. He could not understand how he could feel this uncomfortable even in death but he just brushed it off and begged Lan Zhan: "Water..."

The Second Jade immediately nodded again and reached out for a cup which was sitting on the bedside table. Once again, the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple was surprised to find that even this piece of furniture, or any other in the room now that he was looking more closely, looked like his old room. Yet, they also looked different in small details, it was making him feel uncomfortable as his belief that this was just a memory of the past was quickly dissipating. After all, Lan Zhan had never been in his room. Once again, he just brushed the though off and instead, focused his whole attention to the other person in the room.

Wei Wuxian tried to sit up and the Second Jade helped him to get comfortable, leaning his back against the headrest piece. Lan Zhan poured a cup of water and was now holding it to his lips. Wei Wuxian drank thirstily and with a lot of gratitude. The drink was soothing his parched throat and it felt nice. Although it brought back the uncomfortable feeling growing in a small and still well hidden part of his mind: should dead people feel anything at all?

When he finished the cup, he did not even have to say anything and Lan Zhan was already pouring the next one and pushing it gently against his lips, tilting it in place so Wei Wuxian would be able to drink its contents. It was such a domestic scene that he wanted to laugh, or to cry out of sheer happiness, or both at once.

Now he knew this was nothing else but a dream, why else would Lan Zhan who hated him because of his heretic path be this nice to him? Not that he was complaining, certainly not. He would take all that was offered to him, and gratefully.

"Wei Ying, how are you feeling?" asked his dream Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian's heart warmed when he heard the gentleness and worry in his voice. There was no trace of hate or reprimand whatsoever. So unlike all those times during the war.

"I am fine, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian reassured the other and made sure to smile to support his claim.

The Second Jade looked at him with a little bit of scepticism but did not comment on his surely apparent lie. Instead, he put the cup he was still holding down on the bedside table and told him: "I should inform your family that you are awake now. They have been worried."

The statement brought a small frown to Wei Wuxian's forehead again. It was not that he did not want to see his family in this dream, but he did not like that fact that he would lose his alone time with this gentle and caring version of Lan Zhan because of that. Before he could object however, the Second Jade had already opened the door and was saying something to someone on the outside.

Then he came back to the room and sat down at a low table where his guqin was positioned. To Wei Wuxian's delight, he started playing that special healing song again. The Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple closed his eyes and let himself be overcome by waves after waves of calm.

Now it felt more like the peaceful death Wei Wuxian had imagined. He did not know if he deserved this after everything what he had caused and after failing his family this horribly, but he loved every second of this serene and relaxing moment. He knew he would have to face his family again since Lan Zhan had sent for them but he also knew that this moment was only for him to enjoy before the storm would come.