The meaning of protecting you with my life

Rescue

Jiang Fengmian did not know what to feel as he was watching everything happen in front of his very eyes and he could do nothing to stop Wei Wuxian from sacrificing his life. For them, for it was clear what would happen to him now that he had disobeyed and angered Wen Ruohan. As he was being dragged away by Jiang Cheng, he could do nothing more than to stare back into the throne room, both his head and heart completely empty of any all emotions.

He still could not tear his gaze away as rough hands grabbed him and he was lifted in the air. He did not struggle for purchase, only hanging lifelessly when he could no longer see into the room. He had not even had time to say goodbye or thank you or sorry to the child he had taken at his own and who he had failed so much.

He should have been a father to him, or an uncle at the very least, the only father figure the young child could actually remember, yet all he had done was not stop his wife's hateful words from festering inside of Wei Wuxian's heart, under the child's skin, until it let to this exact moment. He had done literally nothing, only trying superficially by shoving attention and giving praise he knew Wei Wuxian could not accept because he felt like it was driving the rest of the family on edge. Yes, he only worsened the situation each time, that was undeniable.

He was thrown out of his thoughts by a stern voice shouting right into his ear. It took him a second to look up and see who was holding him in the air, supporting all his weight in his hands since Jiang Fengmian's legs were hanging loosely and not standing on the sword under them. He blinked a few times to get the tears out of his eyes and could finally see clearly.

It was Nie Mingjue who was holding him, shouting at him to grab onto him and to stand properly. Only now did Jiang Fengmian realize that they were flying away from Nightless City at a great speed. He scrambled up and positioned himself safely onto the sword, making the Qinghe Nie sect leader's job of carrying him easier.

Once he was steady, he looked around, searching for the rest of his family, or more precisely, the rest he knew should be with him. He did not expect to see Wei Wuxian, the boy had doomed himself while saving them and they did not even try to get him back. What kind of family were they? And did they even have a right to call themselves like that after they had basically coerced the boy into giving his life away for their sake, not even talking about his golden core?

He could still not forget the slight smile that Wei Wuxian gave them before he walked willingly towards Wen Zhuliu to have his golden core melted right before their eyes. It was even worse that he had already lost it long before that. Or the look of peace and happiness as his throat was being held in Wen Ruohan's iron grip when they were running to safety, without him. Surely there could have been another way for all of them to get out of this? He really did not know.

He himself was so weak that even standing proved to be a challenge and he was grateful for Nie Mingjue's hand around his torso. He would have been useless, just a burden really, if he had tried to do anything in the Nightless City palace's throne room. If he had tried to get back to Wei Wuxian, he would have only endangered the rest of his family, that much he was sure of. Still, the boy did not deserve to be left behind just like that.

Was this perhaps what he had been referring to when he had said he would never see them again? At that time, Jiang Fengmian just assumed that it was part of the plan to convince Wen Ruohan about his sincerity, but now, he thought that it may have been a farewell. Wei Wuxian must have known that he would not come out of this alive. And this realization hurt more than he could have imagined, he deserved that pain, and so much more for abandoning him just like that.

His eyes were purposelessly scanning the blue sky which knew nothing about the horrors that had just happened. It was a clear day, so inappropriate for such a tragedy, even the weather was mocking him and his weakness.

Not too far away, he could see the rest of the members of his family, being carried on swords just like he himself was.

The closest one was Lan Xichen who was gently holding Yu Ziyuan in his arms, He was having a very troubled expression on his face as he was holding Jiang Fengmian's wife securely with one hand and running his other one up and down her back soothingly. It was clear why Yu Ziyuan needed help calming down; she was still wailing silently, her whole face wet with tears and she was staring off into distance, apparently not registering anything happening around her. She looked so small, so distressed, so broken. Jiang Fengmian wanted to be the one holding her at that moment.

A little farther away flew Jin Zixuan, his expensive golden robes flapping in the wind. He was supporting a faint looking Jiang Yanli whose face was also wet with tears. Jiang Fengmian's chest clenched at seeing his daughter in such a state. Her usual gentle face was distorted in grief and blame; she was probably mourning Wei Wuxian already or at least being worried sick for his life. Jin Zixuan was saying something into her ear but Jiang Fengmian could not hear the words, although he knew that her former fiancé was probably trying to offer comfort.

The last of the small procession was Lan Wangji holding a trashing Jiang Cheng with all his might. They were both swaying dangerously on the sword as they wrestled, or more like Jiang Cheng was trying to be released and Lan Wangji doing his best to not drop his passenger. Jiang Fengmian could tell that his son, who had been held prisoner for a far shorted period of time than the rest of them, dearly wanted to go back and rescue his brother.

But that would have been a terrible idea, they would need a whole army to storm the Nightless City Palace, not just the eight of them from which almost half would be useless in a fight. It would only get them killed in the process, rendering all Wei Wuxian's effort and his sacrifice meaningless. They would come back, of course they would, but they would have to be better prepared than this. If they would not be able to save Wei Wuxian anymore, they would at least take revenge for him. The rescue worked only because of the element of surprise after all and there were already pursuers on their tracks, he was sure of that.

He saw how Jiang Cheng trashed with even bigger vigour, shouting something into Lan Wangji's face, who returned the words in turn. Jiang Fengmian did not have to hear the exact words used, he knew what the dispute was about. He was however surprised that the Second Jade's expression looked torn and that he had glanced back towards the direction of Nightless City more than once. Could it be that he was of the same mind and also wanted to go back and save Wei Wuxian?

Perhaps it was not so surprising after all, he clearly remembered what Jiang Cheng told them in the prison cell about Lan Wangji trying to get closer to Wei Wuxian. He had mentioned him wanting to take the boy back to Cloud Recesses with him for punishment but it did not look like that to him, it seemed more like the Second Jade was genuinely cornered.

Jiang Cheng punched the Second Jade's chest with one hand and he all but retired into himself, his shoulders shaking and both his hands clenched into his robes, on his stomach. Just where his golden core was. Suddenly, Jiang Fengmian had a distinct impression that he had just told Lan Wangji about what had happened with Wei Wuxian's golden core.

The Second Jade looked over his shoulder one last time and when he turned back, Jiang Fengmian could have sworn he had seen tears in his eyes. That was, if he did not know how good all the Gusu Lan sect disciples, and especially this particular one, were at hiding and controlling their emotions.

He faltered a bit on the sword and Nie Mingjue's hold on him tightened as he leaned closer and shouted into his ear: "Hold on for a little bit longer, we are almost there!"

Jiang Fengmian did not know where exactly they were supposed to be. Wherever it would be, it would not feel right, not when his family would most probably never be whole again. Not when his son in all but name was just facing the biggest danger in his life and he was running away from that. He felt like a true coward, powerless and completely empty except for soul crushing sadness and guilt.