The meaning of protecting you with my life

Shadow of normalcy

Now that the first shock of being scolded for training with his sword had passed, Wei Wuxian was actually happy to be in the presence of his family. He did not mind Lan Zhan and Wen Qing joining them for the meal but he was not too excited about Jin Zixuan being there as well. Though from the way the Lanling Jin sect heir looked at Jiang Yanli, it was clear that he no longer had anything to say against her.

When Jiang Yanli had told Wei Wuxian about the renewal of her engagement, she had looked happy and that was everything the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple needed to know. The fact that Jin Zixuan could also throw Wei Wuxian's own words to his face for worrying everyone was also speaking into his favour, he had some backbone after all. And so he tried to drag the Lanling Jin sect heir into the conversation as well.

He was trying his very best to appear and behave as he normally would during a leisurely family breakfast. But he found it extremely hard to do.

The usual joking and light conversation was just not coming to him easily as it had had before. The fact that his family seemed deep in thoughts and was barely reacting to him, leaving him with the whole burden of the conversation did not help too much. Moreover, Wei Wuxian dreaded the moment that this meal would change into an escalated situation. He knew he was in for a scolding and he was just waiting for it to go down.

He was glancing at Madame Yu every other second, trying to see if she was taking a breath to start, but so far, nothing was happening. It was putting him slightly on the edge and all he could do was to try his best to ignore the looming disaster and carry on with the conversation. It was not as if he was looking forward to the moment the shouting would begin but it would be better than this shadow of normalcy which all of them were trying to preserve with not much success.

And the worst part was that he was not even too sure what he had done wrong this time. He had just gone and proceeded to do what he believed had been expected of him, what he had thought Madame Yu would tell him to do anyway. She often berated him for not taking his role seriously and for embarrassing and endangering the Yunmeng Jiang sect. He had tried to protect it this time but it seemed to not have been enough.

Or perhaps it had and it had been just his siblings who had not been happy about his new role in the sect? His role in the Yunmeng Jiang clan had always been that of a servant and a protector, this had not changed so it could not be this bugging them. Or had they simply been too worried about him and seeing him push himself had made them angry? Wei Wuxian could not tell for sure.

He felt like ever since waking up after the war, he was living a different life. Nothing seemed to be the same anymore and his family was also behaving quite oddly. It could of course be because they were aware of his predicament, however, Wei Wuxian did not have the impression that it was all there was to it. Something seemed to be escaping him, something important which he needed to know.

Though he could not put his finger on what it was. No one would tell him anything, if it was on purpose or if it was just his family's way of giving him a brief time to recover, he could not tell. He was missing part of the picture after his long unconsciousness and no one was willing to fill him in.

Not that he had not asked, he had. But everyone just avoided the subject and would quickly excuse themselves. The only one who was willing to tell him at least something was Lan Zhan. However, with how the Second Jade usually spoke, providing only the bare minimum of information, Wei Wuxian gave up fairly quickly. Plus, he had learned about his somewhat precarious status in the Yunmeng Jiang sect already and could understand if his family did not want to tell him, they must have been afraid of his reaction.

It was also not the first time and the only area where they were treating him differently now. He could tell that the fact that he was missing his golden core was making them uneasy. Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng had told him on several occasions that he is now fragile and should take better care of himself. It hurt to know that they were now seeing him as someone weak who could not do anymore what he desired and needed to be protected.

As for Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu, Wei Wuxian found out that he could not read them at all. They seemed to have been outright avoiding him this whole time, always making sure to apologize to him and show him how sorry they were for everything. If Wei Wuxian did not know better, he could have perhaps thought that they were sick or something. However, to his ears, it sounded more like they were trying to coax him into staying in Lotus Pier and to not do anything foolish which could, even potentially, endanger the Yunmeng Jiang sect.

They now seemed almost afraid of him and he could not blame them for he was afraid of himself as well. More exactly, he was afraid that he could lose control at any moment and be tempted to use demonic cultivation when in danger. He had already overreacted earlier in the training field after all. But he hoped that it had only been brief and would not cause any troubles. He would not be able to bear it if he had already put the Yunmeng Jiang sect at risk due to his inability to relax in his own home.

He had been so startled when Jin Zixuan had called out to him that he had let his control slip for the briefest of moments. Even if he wanted to pretend like nothing happened, he could not lie to himself. He had been so panicked that the resentful energy just reacted to his subconscious command to protect him. He would have to get better at this, he really needed to get used to using his sword again.

The conversation once again stopped and he could not find it in himself to carry on without a care anymore. He was so tense that his shoulders were actually starting to hurt. Jiang Cheng had promised him to explain everything and he knew that that moment had come. Everyone was now putting their chopsticks down and their expressions became grim and serious.

He knew that this time, he would hear all about what he was expected to do and how he should behave to still be permitted to stay in Lotus Pier with his siblings. The conditions under which he was were not too clear to him but that was about to change.

He put down his chopsticks as well and looked at his family members. He was waiting for the blow.