The meaning of protecting you with my life

Finally back home

Yu Ziyuan could breathe freely again when their small group finally reached the gates of the newly rebuilt Lotus Pier and they were safely inside, being greeted by disciples who stayed behind to protect it. She had been extremely nervous this whole time, although she did not let anything show, she knew that the other sects, and especially the Lanling Jin sect, would most likely not let them leave with Wei Wuxian just like that.

However, during their travels, nothing happened and the route had been quite uneventful actually. For that, it was not all that true, she had to admit. She had caught the occasional glance of Gusu Lan sect's white robes and there had also been signs of battles here and there where their carriage was passing. But no one ever made it so far that the Yunmeng Jiang sect group would actually had to defend themselves. She knew better than to think Lan Xichen had sent his disciples to protect them, he was more likely keeping an eyes on his own brother. Nevertheless, the subtle assistance was much appreciated.

As they were approaching Lotus Pier and the first houses of the town surrounding the Yunmeng Jiang sect compound came into view, Yu Ziyuan shielded her eyes from the sun and watched her home for a long while. She could barely recognize it, it had changed so much from the day she had seen it the last time, from the day everything came to ruins and the war had started.

She had of course heard that it had been burned down by the Qishan Wen sect soldiers led by Wen Chao after they decided to leave, but she had not expected so many changes. After all, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli repeatedly assured her that they had rebuilt the place to be the same as in the past.

Well, perhaps they were saying the truth. The buildings actually looked the same, the layout too. And the houses and halls were in the same spots as previously. She was a bit too far away still to see every detail or to judge if the small bridges connecting between the buildings were also in the same places but she guessed that was the case. But still, something just felt different.

Was it because the buildings were now a lighter shade when sun was shining upon them? Was it because the material used had yet to settle to its previous colour? And perhaps the rooftops were also looking kind of different due to the newly employed tiles. And were signs of the Yunmeng Jiang sect of the same size? She could not pinpoint all the small differences but she could definitely say that this was not her old home, not exactly.

Although it still was. Because it was not the buildings which counted, she realized when they finally made it into the town and then the Yunmeng Jiang sect compound. It was not the buildings which were home to her, it was the people. And she could tell that those stayed largely the same, she was glad for that. Although there were also some new faces, she could still recognize almost half of them.

That could only mean that she and Jiang Fengmian had succeeded at least a little bit in defending their home and giving the disciples and town's people time to evacuate during the Qishan Wen sect attack. And then the people came back to help with the rebuilding, or at least a part of them. Even if things would be different from now on, some of them would still stay the same. That was a very soothing thought.

Yu Ziyuan cut the greetings short, they had things to do, they could celebrate their return later. Now, they had to take care of Wei Wuxian. Her son did not need spiritual energy to be passed to him continuously anymore but she was not convinced he was out of the danger just yet. Wen Qing was only vague when reassuring them and Yu Ziyuan learned that it was not in her nature to give hope when nothing was proven yet. It hurt to not know if Wei Wuxian would or would not be fine but at the same time, it was kind that the Dafan Wen sect doctor refused to lie to them.

She had to marvel at the young generation nowadays. She did not know if she herself would have had this integration and determination if she had ever faced a war in her younger days, when she had just come to be wed with Jiang Fengmian as a naïve and way too young girl all those years ago. Of course, she had been strong in her own way back then, but she had to admit that it was nothing compared to what her children and their peers had demonstrated during the Sunshot campaign and after it.

She had always tried to lead them towards strength and resistance against anything, that was why she had employed perhaps a bit harsher methods than strictly necessary. However, she had only been looking out for them, she wanted them to be prepared to face the world.

And in the end, they had proven just that. They had managed everything to the best of their abilities, and Yu Ziyuan had to admit that it was way beyond what she would have ever imagined. They had all more than proven themselves. It took a war and half a year of life lost in captivity for her to realize that she had in fact been too strict with her children. She had never showed them love, only sternness and discipline.

As she was watching Jiang Yanli take charge of everything and ordering the disciples to help move Wei Wuxian to his room, Yu Ziyuan was regretting how much she had missed. Not only during the war but way before that. She had missed her children's childhood. It was in fact her who had stripped it away from them, always demanding too much and scowling and scolding whenever she found them having fun or lazing around.

Andthe worst of all, she had broken Wei Wuxian. Well, perhaps that was not thecorrect word but the meaning left nothing to wonder about. She had moulded theyoung mind into believing that he had to serve the Yunmeng Jiang sect and thatotherwise, he would have no place in Lotus Pier. She had broken his spirit inthe worst way. And now, she was wondering if she even would have a chance forredemption. And, more importantly, if she even deserved another chance.