The meaning of protecting you with my life

War efforts

Wei Wuxian was at the end of his rope. He had revealed being a demonic cultivator to the other sect leaders and had proclaimed that he could deal with Wen Ruohan's puppets. He was positive he could, this was not the issue, he just needed a little more time to get himself more familiar with controlling the resentful energy and he would be good to go.

The more pressing problem was that his brother was now outright ignoring him. Or at least it seemed to be the case after Jiang Cheng had stormed out of that one strategy meeting and never spoke a word to him in a week. Wei Wuxian knew he should have informed him about his new method of cultivation before that but he had had no chance, he had not seen his brother after they had come back to the camp that night and before that, he had just been too much of a coward to come to light with the truth.

He was still afraid that Jiang Cheng would not want him to stay at his side anymore if he learned that Wei Wuxian was useless now, only having the demonic cultivation that all the other sects were so wary about to help him protect his brother. He had, he could not even count for how many times already, put Jiang Cheng in a bad position. The Yunmeng Jiang sect was still weak right now and he had caused it to be in an even worse position than before.

Perhaps he should have never come back in the first place. It seemed like Jiang Cheng was doing perfectly fine without him causing trouble left and right. He would have surely been able to lead the Yunmeng Jiang sect without Wei Wuxian by his side, it was not like he could become his right hand man anymore. Not after everything that happened, not with him being a demonic cultivator.

But he still had a promise to keep, he had to protect his brother with his life. So he really had no other choice but to stay by Jiang Cheng's side and try to be as non-visible and non-offending as possible. He could tell that his brother was hurt and that was why he was giving him a cold shoulder but unless he would be explicitly sent away, he would do his best to stay close to Jiang Cheng at all times.

And so he threw himself into the war in an attempt to forget his guilt and to have at least the faintest chance of rescuing Jiang Yanli and her parents, if they were still alive that was. He had to come to terms with his new cultivation and learn how to handle it better. He could not be a walking corpse after each use, he had to come up with a way how to not succumb to exhaustion and pain after every single time he called upon resentment. He had to become stronger lest he would not be able to keep pace with his brother who was now a sect leader and an incredibly proficient fighter.

He had already asked Nie Huisang if he could investigate the whereabouts of the rest of the Yunmeng Jiang clan. However, up to this point, even the Qinghe Nie sect heir could not confirm if Jiang Yanli, Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu were still alive or not. Wei Wuxian could only hope that they were held prisoners in Nightless City still, although that hope was dying a little bit with each day he had not been able to advance towards Wen Ruohan's palace.

He had to do more but his now weak body was betraying him on every step of the way. Every day, he returned to his tent dead tired and immediately collapsed where he stood. He could however not sleep well, with nightmares of his failures and of his time in the Burial Mounds flooding his dreams, he could barely get two or three hours of decent sleep before he would be dispatched to another battlefield. His very bones were hurting as resentful energy was raging in his meridians, making itself at home where his golden core had been once.

At least his cultivation was steadily growing and he was getting better at controlling the resentful energy. Still, he was nowhere near being able to take control of Wen Ruohan's puppets just yet. He had to try harder, he was telling himself every single day, they had no time to lose. He had no time to lose. He had to become strong enough to face Wen Ruohan and his army so they could siege Nightless City and finally know if there was even anyone to safe there.

Lan Zhan was not helping either, it seemed like he had made it his mission to annoy Wei Wuxian every time they met. The Second Jade was nonstop warning him about the dangers of demonic cultivation and telling him that he should abandon it, that it could harm his body and mind.

Truth to be told, Wei Wuxian did not need any reminders, he knew perfectly well that his body would only be able to take so much, especially without a golden core to help him heal and strengthen it. He fell apart a little bit more every single day. But he was sure he would be able to keep going as long as it was necessary, who cared if he would die of exhaustion in the end if he would be able to save those he had sworn to protect. As for his heart and temperament, well, he did not want to think about it. He would hold as long as it was needed, he had to.

He was stuck to Jiang Cheng's side, never leaving him alone for too long. It was both to assure himself that he would not fail in protecting him again and to avoid Lan Zhan's meddling. It seemed like the Second Jade only ever came to talk to him when he was alone. So it was killing two flies with one stone.

He felt himself slowly fading away and becoming scarce. His body was not cooperating with him more often than not, he had already gotten used to all the pains it was in, he pulled through with sheer will power. It terrified him to his core, not because he often felt like dying but because he would not be able to protect Jiang Cheng anymore if he succumbed to his pain. He was sure if he stopped for even a second, all this would come crushing down onto him and suffocate him.

So he kept going, not even taking any time to rest. It was better that way, when he kept himself busy, he could pretend that he was doing everything he could and at least alleviate the immense guilt weighing down his every step the tiniest bit. All the while however, he knew fully well, deep down where he could not ignore that fact, that it was not enough to make up for everything he had ruined. It would never be.

Still, he did his best to hide this from everyone, especially Jiang Cheng, he did not want them to worry unnecessarily about him. His brother had a whole sect to lead and a war to win, it would just distract and annoy him to see that Wei Wuxian was once again up to no good. And Lan Zhan, he should really not have to be concerned about someone like him.